How does teen pregnancy impact the family?

In the swirl of commentary on Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin's announcement that her 17 year old daughter, Bristol, is five months pregnant, we received a phone call from a reporter at a paper in New York. One main question they asked is, "what is the psychological impact of teen pregnancy on the family?"

The core answer is that a surprise teen pregnancy can cause each member of the family to begin working through their own grief cycle.

When the pregnancy is discovered, there is first shock and denial. Parents of a pregnant teen may feel stunned, especially if they are also learning that their daughter has been sexually active. Siblings of the pregnant teen also may feel shock. Everyone may feel like they don't know this person they thought they knew. It can be hard to accept a mental image of a loved one that is different than the image currently held. They may think to themselves, "Who is this person? Who are you and what have you done with my daughter/sister?" or "Are you sure you're pregnant? This can't be true. This can't be happening."

Once the family members accept the fact that the pregnancy is real, the next step of the grief cycle is anger. Everyone may feel anger at the baby's father, blaming him for the pregnancy. Fathers may feel anger at themselves, feeling that they did not protect their daughter. Parents may feel anger at themselves, saying "What did I do wrong?" Parents may start blaming each other, "If only you had..." Siblings of the pregnant young woman may feel anger that her pregnancy is causing them social embarassment or that the situation is soaking up so much time and attention. Anger can have symptoms in the physical health of the entire family: headaches, abdominal pain, anxiety attacks, irritability, impatience, heart problems, relationship problems, sleep disorders, uncontrolled outbursts of emotion, and compulsive behaviors. Siblings of a pregnant daughter may act out in their anger, creating new a crisis for the family to handle.

The next steps of the grief cycle are bargaining and depression. In bargaining, you may hear family members say "If you help me through this, I'll never let it happen again." In depression, family members may feel that there are no acceptable solutions to even the smallest challenge. You may wonder how you'll live through it all.

Each family member will walk through these steps at their own pace. It is very likely that everyone will revisit previous phases of the grief cycle several times. If a person doesn't get stuck somewhere in the above phases, they eventually move toward acceptance. Acceptance and resolution is measured by acknowledging that past decisions can't be erased, accurately taking responsibility for contributing factors (in other words, neither accepting too much blame nor denying all blame) and finding constructive ways to solve challenges, forgive, heal, learn new coping skills, and grow stronger rather than be destroyed.

If you analyze some of the commentary out there about the Palin family, you may notice that reactions of the people fit in with a grief cycle phase too: some are in shock that the Palins could have a pregnant daughter; others are angry at the Palins; others are depressed that Sarah Palin is the presumptive VP, given her family's situation. It will be interesting to watch as people continue to process their feelings about this one family's situation in the days and months to come.

The family of a pregnant teen or college student likely needs the opportunity to receive individual and family counseling to hash out their anger and depression in order to move to acceptance and resolution. If there is a pregnancy help center near you, see what services they can offer your family. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", particularly the chapter titled "Hearing the Shocking News" which describes the grief cycle.