Real Stories: Internet and sex

Marcus Thomas, 28 years old, traveled from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to Rapid City, South Dakota (about 1,500 miles).  Why? To have sex with a girl he met on the internet.  But it turned out that the girl he traveled to meet was only 15.  And she became pregnant from their encounter after he climbed through her window into her bedroom.

The girl is now a 16-year-old single mother, and Marcus plead guilty to fourth-degree rape and is serving probation.  Marcus must now send child support for this child in addition to the four other children he has with three other women.

Talk to your teens about this news article.  Marcus claims that he thought the girl was 18.  How do your teens represent themselves on the Internet?  What personal information are they giving out?  What rules has your family created for Internet use?  Should your teens only be able to access the Internet on a computer that is in a common room (not their bedroom) so that they can be monitored?  How about their cell phone Internet access? 

Research teen internet safety by searching online.  Talk to your family about rules such as these found in a Family Contract for Online Safety.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Restoring Sexual Integrity”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

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Real Story: Tanika Stevenson's murder

Tanika Stevenson (24) was murdered in 1997 because she refused to abort her third child with Derrick Clements (25).  Derrick was married to someone else and had three children with his wife.  Derrick had already paid Tanika to abort two of their children, and she refused to abort their third child.  So Derrick shot Tanika in the back of the head and stuffed her body into the trunk of her own car, then parked the car at the Dowdell’s Knob overlook in Pine Mountain’s Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park in Georgia.  He stole her ATM card and withdrew money from her account, telling police that he had paid her to have an abortion and he wanted his money back since she would not abort.

If your daughter is pregnant by a married man who is not her husband, talk to her about her safety.  Has he threatened her in any way?  Is he insisting on abortion?  Do they fight about her pregnancy?  If so, ask her to not see him in private at any time, to always have someone with her.  If he has threatened her, ask her to talk to the police and/or a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

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Budget housing, furniture and utilities

Forget glamorous, spacious, and perfect decor.  Instead, focus on safe and affordable.  Feminists for Life has a great article giving tips about housing, furniture and utilities when you are on a shoestring budget.

Most towns have a public housing office, although it may be difficult to get placed because of long waiting lists and shortages of available housing in most places. The U.S. Department of Housing
and Urban Development (HUD) may have listings of low-income housing. Local HUD offices can be found by choosing your state from the pulldown menu at www.hud.gov.

Consider sharing a house or apartment with other families like yours. Make sure that house-sharers are safe people, mutually compatible and flexible people, and to plan the living space for privacy as well as togetherness. Be sure to check your local laws about how many people may legally share a bedroom.

The National Shared Housing Resource Center (www.nationalsharedhousing.org) can be a good starting point for researching shared housing options. Craigslist is another resource for finding people interested in shared housing. Coabode.com offers a “matchmaking” service for single mothers to share housing with other single mothers.


Many utility companies and charitable organizations offer financial assistance to low-income
households for utilities. Take action to keep utility costs down. The first step is weather-proofing: make sure there is caulk around window frames, weather-stripping on doors, and use plastic insulating kits on windows where there are no storm windows.  Keep showers short, turn off lights, unplug items that you aren't using, change the thermostat and adjust clothing layers instead.

When children are small, it is better to have sturdier, more durable furniture that can withstand
some wear and tear. Handmedowns from relatives or friends can meet the need. A mattress and box spring on a metal frame are just as good as an expensive bed frame, and a futon on the floor is even
cheaper. Check www.freecycle.org first for free furniture. If you can’t find anything there, try craigslist.com, or bulletin boards at religious community centers, supermarkets and businesses. Flea markets, auctions, garage sales and tag sales are also good sources, although they pose an impulse buy
temptation.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Should she parent alone?”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy" to learn more about housing.

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Abortion and Mental Health

Up to 10% of mental health problems among women may be affected by a history of abortion, according to a new review published by the Royal College of Psychiatrists in their  British Journal of Psychiatry.

 

Publication of this new review, which included 877,181 women from six countries, has reawakened accusations that the American Psychological Associations Task Force on Mental Health and Abortion deliberately understated abortion’s mental health risks for ideological reasons.

The findings of the new review appear to contradict the conclusions published by the task force in 2008, which stated that a "single abortion" of an "unwanted" pregnancy for an "adult" woman did not "in and of itself" pose significant mental health risks.

According to an expert in the field, Elliot Institute director Dr. David Reardon, that carefully nuanced conclusion was designed to obscure rather than clarify the risks of abortion.  "If you pay close attention you will find reluctant admissions that certain subgroups of women are at higher risk."

For example, the APA review admits that multiple abortions may be problematic. But it then fails to mention that fully half of all abortions are second, third or fourth abortions.

Similarly, Reardon notes that the APA recognizes that abortions of wanted pregnancies, and cases where women feel pressured to abort by other people, are also clearly problematic. But these cases may account for 30% to 65% of all abortions. Abortions for minors are also known to be associated with elevated suicide rates.


The meta-analysis in this publication revealed that women with a history of abortion face higher rates of anxiety (34% higher) and depression (37% higher), heavier alcohol use (110% higher) and marijuana use (230% higher), and higher rates of suicidal behavior (155% higher).

The study also found that women who delivered an unplanned pregnancy were significantly less likely to have mental health problems than similar women who aborted unplanned pregnancies.  Women with a history of abortion were 55% more likely to have mental health problems than women who did not abort an unplanned pregnancy.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about these statistics.  If your pregnant daughter is a minor, and/or people are pressuring her to abort her child, she may be facing mental health consequences after the abortion.  With your pregnant daughter, learn more about the psychological impact of abortion.


You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Trying to Hide” and "Where is God in all of this?" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.


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Food and Nutrition for the Family - on a shoestring budget!

If you don’t have enough money for food, there are many ways of getting help.  An article called "Food and Nutrition for the Family" gives great tips on how to eat better when you are on a shoestring budget.  Read this article with your pregnant daughter and talk to her about these points:

• Learn about WIC (Women, Infants and Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, formerly the Food Stamps program), the Child Care Food Program, and the School Meals Programs by going to www.fns.uada.gov
• Feeding America (www.feedingamerica.org) has a searchable online directory of food banks in your area.
• For a baby’s first four to six months, breast milk or infant formula provides all the nutrition she needs. Once a baby starts to eat solid foods, consider making your own baby food. Learn more at  www.wholesomebabyfood.com
• Cook at home more.  Find recipes at www.allrecipes.com, www.lowcostmeal.com, or
  www.cookforgood.com.
• Plan menus for a week and buy only the items needed.
• Drink water.

Talk with your pregnant daughter about your current food budget.  What items that are low quality foods can be removed in order to save money or to buy more nutritious foods?

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