Real Stories: Internet and sex

Marcus Thomas, 28 years old, traveled from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to Rapid City, South Dakota (about 1,500 miles).  Why? To have sex with a girl he met on the internet.  But it turned out that the girl he traveled to meet was only 15.  And she became pregnant from their encounter after he climbed through her window into her bedroom.

The girl is now a 16-year-old single mother, and Marcus plead guilty to fourth-degree rape and is serving probation.  Marcus must now send child support for this child in addition to the four other children he has with three other women.

Talk to your teens about this news article.  Marcus claims that he thought the girl was 18.  How do your teens represent themselves on the Internet?  What personal information are they giving out?  What rules has your family created for Internet use?  Should your teens only be able to access the Internet on a computer that is in a common room (not their bedroom) so that they can be monitored?  How about their cell phone Internet access? 

Research teen internet safety by searching online.  Talk to your family about rules such as these found in a Family Contract for Online Safety.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Restoring Sexual Integrity”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Real Stories: Joyce McCauley-Benner's pregnancy after rape

Joyce McCauley-Benner shares her personal experience with pregnancy after rape in an article "Victory over Violence" in the Fall 2007 edition of American Feminist (see page 10).

Like many college students, I wanted to move away from home and experience life on my own. I chose to move 1,100 miles away and I ended up working two jobs and surviving on financial aid to support this dream.

One of my jobs was at a restaurant. A cook in the restaurant started to show some favoritism towards me. The other servers were annoyed as my orders came out faster and better and my tips increased. I didn’t think much of it, until I was pushed inside a freezer and the cook made sexual advances towards me. No matter the number of times I broke free, it happened again.
Later that night, he raped me.

For the next several weeks, I tried just to keep my life barely intact and my classes at a passing level. About two months later I went to my on-campus health center for a check up. I asked the nurse if I was pregnant. She assured me I wasn’t and kept telling me the test would be negative. I wanted to believe in her confidence, but I had this nagging feeling that I was pregnant.

Five minutes passed. The clock ticked mercilessly, as I thought: “I don’t know how to take care of a baby! I’m not ready to be a mother, I don’t have medical coverage. I can’t do this now!” The nurse came back in a state of quiet shock and placed the positive test in front of me. I begged her to tell me what to do. She told me to take a prenatal vitamin, find a doctor, and be on my way. That was it.

I walked out in a daze. Was the cook this baby’s dad?  Some jerk who hurt me, for fun, in spiteful laughter, as he, when he was done, said “see ya round, bitch”? Could that moment, in all its ugliness, possibly have fostered a child?  Or did this baby belong to me and to my boyfriend, whom I loved deeply, who had been with me in loving times and fun-filled moments?  I had to wait until the birth to know.

Despair came in fast and furious. Either way seemed a dead end. Surely, either way was hard. Did I think about abortion? Sure. I wanted so badly for the pain to go away, the unknowing, but even abortion wouldn’t put the question of paternity to an end.

And I still didn’t know what to do. I was in a new town, no family, few friends close by, no health insurance and not a clue how to take care of myself during pregnancy.  One day, during a desperate call to a friend from home, I went over my so-called choices. She made a comment to me, “I know you are feeling overwhelmed with sadness and pain and despair right now, but just know, no single feeling lasts forever. An abortion will.” That hit me like a ton of bricks.

Upon deeper reflection, I realized that while I did not know who the father of my baby was yet, I did know who his mother was. And that was me. There was as much of me inside this baby as there was the rapist, or my boyfriend. How could I allow yet another piece of me to be taken away?

I didn’t have much. But I had enough.  So I moved back home and had my baby boy. My boyfriend didn’t sign the paternity papers at the birth because he still didn’t know if he was the father and his friends and family encouraged him not to. It would take three months to learn who the dad was. But it didn’t matter to me any more, at least not as much. In Joshua McCauley’s eyes and tender hands I saw that part of me, fragile, needing love and support, but also full of life.

To learn later that women like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton celebrated motherhood as a part of womanhood was very empowering. I was not going to be transformed from a woman to a mother, but rather my womanhood experience was expanding, enhanced by motherhood.

When I chose single motherhood, it was hard. Finding resources and returning to my hometown college were challenging. But I persevered through it all and tapped into a strength within myself I never knew I had. We, as women, can sell ourselves short sometimes. Some parts of society will tell us we can’t do it, we shouldn’t do it, or force us to choose between our dreams as women and our desires as mothers. But I am here to tell you, women deserve better choices than that.

If your daughter has been raped, get her the medical and emotional intervention she needs.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about Joyce's experience.  What is your daughter's reaction to the quote "I realized that while I did not know who the father of my baby was yet, I did know who his mother was. And that was me. There was as much of me inside this baby as there was the rapist, or my boyfriend. How could I allow yet another piece of me to be taken away?"  Joyce talks about being pressured to choose between "our dreams as women and our desires as mothers"... ask your pregnant daughter what her dreams and desires are.

You may also find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving the baby's father" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!

Real Stories: Sasha's pregnancy after rape

Watch Sasha Nelson's story about becoming pregnant after being raped, and her thoughts about abortion and choosing life for her son, Charlie

Stress busters

It is obvious that any family that has a pregnant teenager or pregnant college student will feel stress. The National Fatherhood Initiative offers their top ten tips for dealing with stress:

1) Exercise. Do some double duty and do exercise together as a family - take a walk, ride bikes, throw a ball or a frisbee, etc.

2) Eat right. Your pregnant daughter needs healthy food for herself and her baby, but the rest of you need healthy food too. Stop buying the junk food. If it isn't in the house, you won't eat it!

3) Get some sleep. Adults need a minimum of 6 hours of sleep every day. Eight is better. Go to bed at the same time every night in order to train your body.

4) List priorities. "Think about all the “shoulds,” “woulds", “coulds,” and “musts” in your life. Figure out which are worth keeping and which to get rid of and focus on what you feel is most important – don’t try to do it all."

5) Laugh. Having a pregnant daughter who isn't married isn't a laughing matter. So you'll have to be deliberate to find something to laugh at. Maybe the comics in the newspaper? Maybe a comedy show?

6) Vent your feelings. But find a safe time and place to do so. No need to hurt others simply by venting. Write in a journal. Talk to a counselor or religious leader. Get coffee and talk. Take a walk and talk. Share your feelings. Then talk about the problems and invent solutions.

7) Leave work at work. We often train ourselves to keep our home problems internal while we are at work. Try the same with work problems... leave them at work so they don't interfere with your family life.

8) Spend time with friends. This doesn't have to be hours and hours... just a quick coffee together. Or a walk. But don't isolate yourself from your support network. You may feel embarassed that your daughter is pregnant and not married. You may worry about what your friends will say (and it's true that they likely will say *something*), but you need friendships. Figure out which of your friends are trustworthy, and which are just gossips.

9) Volunteer/give. Volunteering to help others will help you get the focus off your stresses for a little while. You don't have to spend hours and hours on this. Often something simple but meaningful can be more therapeutic than a huge endeavor. Maybe you can get double benefit out of volunteering in some way. For example, maybe you and your pregnant daughter can babysit a young child for a few hours. This way your daughter can have a small glimpse at the skills she needs if she's going to parent; and it gives you and your daughter the chance to talk about approaches to parenting.

10) Pursue your hobby. An activity that can help you escape and have a bit of fun will help you relax and re-energize. So set aside a small time to do something you love: read a chapter in a fun book; pull weeds from the garden; take a class at the recreation center; etc.

Pick just one of these ideas to get started. Don't add stress by overloading yourself, even with things that are supposed to be stress relieving.

Review: Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spaghetti

"Guys are Waffles, Girls are Spahetti" by Chad Eastham with Bill & Pam Farrel

This book is written in a very casual conversation style, aimed at young to mid teens. Boys might enjoy it more than girls because of the examples Chad gives from his own life about how he was an awkward teen. The text may seem rambling to adults, but perhaps this style will appeal to teens because it won't feel like a lecture.

The goal of the book is to discuss gender differences and realtionships. Chad gives a short explanation of brain anatomy and the main analogy that guy are waffles (they compartmentalize) while girls are spaghetti (everything can be interconnected). He also discusses sexting, learning listening skills, and dating.

Chad talks about the various reasons that some people date:

• The rebel dater who simply wants to show independence and gain freedom.
• "Dating for a daddy"...girls that are looking for love to replace the love they are not getting from their fathers. This may be especially true in single parent families.
• Serial dating... constantly jumping from relationship to relationship because the person feels they can't be alone.
• "Missionary dating" ..."This term describes people who date others with very different religious and social viewpoints from their own with the hope of 'converting' them."

Near the end of the book, Chad talks about sex. He reminds readers that guys and girls have sex for different reasons: guys give love in order to get sex, girls give sex in order to get love. Discuss this with your kids.

Talk to your kids about these neat factoids mentioned in the book:

• 96% of high school relationships will not last. Chad discusses the idea that dating in high school should strive not to involve deep committment and romantic emotions (and also be very limited physically) in order to protect yourself from heartbreak (due to the fact that so few of these relationships last). Talk about Chad's question with your kids: "If I were to tell you that you will date someone but that you probably won't marry that person, then what would you do differently in that relationship?" Most girls say they would be less likely to be sexual with their boyfriend.
• "The younger you start dating and the more often you date people, the higher your odds are of experiencing unhealthy relationship habits, negative feelings, depression, a poor self-image, sexual abuse, rape, less relationship satisfaction, and a higher risk of suicide."
• "The average age difference for married couples in the United States is just over two years. The average difference in age between teen girls who get pregnant and the guys who get them pregnant is 6.2 years."

The back of the book has a study guide that has questions that would be great conversation starters.

Mallory's story

In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Mallory tells her story:

My story of survival is one that I often take for granted. My life was ill conceived and what some would call illegitimate. I am the child of the hard case, the case used to justify abortion.

The night of my conception my mother made the unfortunate mistake of running to a false friend for emotional comfort during a personal crisis. Another man was there, and using the situation to his advantage, he and her “friend” managed to get her drunk, leaving her no possibility of getting home that night. She was shown to a spare bed, in which this stranger would also be sleeping. With the alcohol impairing her judgment as well as her strength, she became the unwitting victim of a rape.

When she realized she was pregnant, she turned to Living Alternatives for help. They counseled her through the pregnancy and gave her information about the positive aspects of adoption. Fortunately, my birthmother made the heroic decision to provide me with a loving mother and father, wonderful people that I am blessed to call my parents. I have never once felt unloved, unwanted, or out of place in my adoptive family. My parents make it a point to tell me that my adoption was the perfect answer to their infertility. They rejoice to see me spread my wings as a college student.

In the midst of simply enjoying life and looking forward to the future, it is sobering to think that had my birthmother not turned to the pregnancy center for help, I might not have left her womb intact. I am glad to be alive and I feel an obligation to let people know that pregnancy centers are good for America because they really do help women and children. Currently, I see myself fighting for the lives of other babies much like me. With the gift I have received, that would be perfectly legitimate.

I am currently enjoying life as a student at Regent University.

---

You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.

October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
This violence hotline is open for victims or anyone calling on their behalf 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline counselors can provide crisis intervention, information or referrals to agencies across the nation. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.

National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
Among its programs, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE). This nationwide partnership of more than 1,100 local rape treatment hotlines provides victims of sexual assault with free, confidential services around the clock. When a caller dials 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), the call is automatically connected to a local U.S. rape crisis program near the phone number's area code.

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453
To raise awareness and champion zero tolerance of dating violence among teens, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline in conjunction with the Love Is Respect program for teens and parents seeking help. An online chat option is available from 4 p.m. – 2 a.m. CST.

Break The Cycle
Break the Cycle believes everybody has the right to safe and healthy relationships—regardless of where they live, who they are or what they believe. That is why they work every day toward its mission to engage, educate and empower youth to build lives and communities free from domestic violence. Break the Cycle offers programs that defy geographic bounds—ensuring that no young person is excluded from receiving the help, tools and information they need to live free from violence. Break the Cycle’s success is demonstrated by more than a decade of leadership in working with teens to prevent and end domestic and dating violence.

Resources & Programs located on The Mary Kay Foundation Web site

Top Ten Myths About Abortion

While you are discussing with your pregnant daughter her options for her child, take the time to research all the options.

You can download a free PDF brochure called "The Top Ten Myths About Abortion" and discuss it with your daughter. This brochure addresses the following myths:

1. Myth: Abortion is legal only during the first 3 months of pregnancy.
2. Myth: Abortion is legal because the Constitution says so.
3. Myth: Most Americans agree with current U.S. abortion law.
4. Myth: Abortion is rare in the United States.
5. Myth: Most abortions in the Unted States are done for health reasons or because of rape or incest.
6. Myth: Abortion is good for women.
7. Myth: Abortion is beneficial to modern society.
8. Myth: The more that people have access to contraception, the fewer abortions there will be.
9. Myth: Abortion, particularly early abortion, does not take the life of a human being.
10. Myth: I can be "personally opposed, but pro-choice".

Monitoring your kids online

A news article titled "Houston teen's Myspace page reveals sex with adult, pregnancy fears" tells the story of a mother of a 14-year-old girl. The mother "often checks her daughter's page to check for risky behavior or contact with strangers, and it's even more amazing to her that such information was found on the main page for anyone to see. The mom always figured she'd find trouble in the "sent messages" or "inbox" where messages are sent privately between two Myspace users."

Monitoring your teen's online activities is a very good idea. Let your teens know that you will be checking their blog or other accounts. Discuss rules about online behavior with them (what kinds of information they post, what kinds of pictures, etc.) and rules about meeting online contacts in real life. We posted about "Sex and Technology" previously, giving tips and statistics. MySpace offers parents a few safety tips here.

The mother called the teen home from a friends house and sat down to talk with her. "The two had never even discussed the girl becoming sexually active, and the mom says she was convinced her daughter hadn't reached that point yet."

Talk with your kids early and often about your values about alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex. In a previous post called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor", we said: "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!

The news article continues, "The girl started to cry as she detailed for her mom that she was given alcohol while visiting a friend in Chambers County, east of Houston. She met a man from across the street and ended up crossing the street to talk with him, and the girl said the two ended up having sex." The mother then took her daughter to the police in order to file charges against the man but was shocked that the officer did not appear concerned and kept asking if the girl had agreed to the sexual activity. The article points out that, "In Texas, state law does not recognize that a child can give consent for sex with an adult. Statutory rape charges, felony charges of Sexual Assault of a Child, can be filed against an adult regardless of whether the child was coaxed or tricked into agreeing to sex." The article closes by saying that the mother hasn't been able to get the police to file charges.

If your underage daughter has been exploited by an adult, definitely pursue legal charges against the man. In addition, get your daughter medical attention and also counseling to help her process the situation.

Proudnana's story

"Proudnana" on Bukisa.com wrote her beautiful story "How to survive a teen parent" about her pregnant teen. Under the Creative Commons copyright, her story is copied here (edited for punctuation, grammar and capitalization).

----Begin Article----

When the Doctor came into the room, I was not expecting those four words to come out of his mouth. "Your Daughter is Pregnant." I was dumb founded. I just sat there. All of a sudden tears just started flowing down my face and I could not stop it. I started down memory lane. I remembered the day she was born.

I was devastated. I had all these emotions: devastation, anger, bitterness. I must of cried everyday for a long time. I cried till I could not cry anymore. Then all of a sudden I thought, "Okay she is pregnant. Its not the end of the world. She is not dying she is having a baby."

I needed support through this but no one would listen. My daughter did not want me to talk to anyone about it. But I had to. You're going to have to do the same thing. If you are going through this just tell your daughter, "Look, I have to talk to someone about this and you are gonna have to trust me enough to know that I would never do anything to hurt you."

I finally realized that it was not my fault. My daughter did not set out to get pregnant to hurt me. I was not there when they had sex. I could not be with her 24 hours a day or 7 days a week. It was not my fault. If I knew about [it] I would have stopped it. Everyone thought it was my fault. I lost a lot of friends over this and so did my daughter. Those friends were not really our friends.

I was devstated. I thought my daughter's life was over. My husband and I really thought that our daughter was not mature enough to handle this. To us she was still a baby. She wanted to keep her baby so we talked about it and decided to let her keep him. He was hers. No matter what she would always be his Mom. I knew the change in her eyes to look for. If you are a Mom you know the look I am talking about it. I knew what to look for. So when my grandson was born, I handed him to my daughter and immediatly she had that look of a Mother. She started to count his fingers and his toes. She kissed him and just held him in her arms. At that moment I knew she was going to be fine.

I felt like sometimes I was on a roller coaster and I wanted to stop to get off but it would not stop. Everytime I thought it was going to stop it just got faster and faster. Then other days I felt as though I was on a row boat without the paddles in the middle of a sea storm with the waves crashing down on the boat. I felt all alone. Like I was the only one going through this. No one would listen to me. No matter what I said to my daughter she did not want me to talk to anyone about it.

My husband -- well he is another story. He just acted like nothing was wrong. I thought at one time I was going to have slap him to see if he was still here with me. But when our grandson was born something changed within him... it was amazing. Something wonderful was finally coming from this world of darkness. I could finally see the light. It just dawned me one day to support my daughter.

To us we had no choice but to support our daughter. We took on that responsibility the day she was born. We were parents through bad times as well as good times. Every parent is there for their kids when they get good grades or bad grades, when they scrape their knees, when they get their heart broken. Being a parent is a 24 hour 7 days a week job. Yes, it's a thankless job at times. But sometimes it's a rewarding job.

Every child is a gift from God. You don't choose your parents or your children -- God does. You don't choose when your children are born, God does. I know we do stuff all the time that God does not like. But does he turn us away when we do those things. No! He loves us regardless of what we do! I have been judged for supporting my daughter. I guess everyone thought I should have sent her away to give up her child or make her get an abortion. But it was not my choice to make. I was not the one who was pregnant, she was.

You as a parent to your teen parent have to realize that your teen is scared too. She feels like she is all alone during this. She is worried that no one will accept her or appreciate the decision she has made. It takes a strong person to go through something like this. Your daughter's or my daughter's life has not ended, it is just beginning a new chapter. Her dreams or your dreams for her has not died -- she will just to have to work harder for them and she will have to take her baby along with her. It will take her longer but she will get there. Telling her that she has just ruined her life or that her life is going to change now -- that is just ruining her self esteem. She will never do anything if you keep doing that. She knows her life is going to change. She is not stupid. You raised her to be a loving, generous person so show that to her. Practice what you preach. Take it slow, one day at a time. It will get better with time.

I read a book one time called "Daughters Gone Wild Dads Gone Crazy". Get it and read it and see if your daughter will read it too. You read the part for the dad and let her read the part for the daughter. It is amazing. It taught me a lot. Rev. Charles Stone and his daughter Heather Stone wrote the book together. In that book Charles Stone says to Remain Calm. Talk to your daughter and realize that the first thing you say to your daughter during a Major problem is what she is going to remember. Act like she is not your daughter but one of her friends that has just come to you with a problem. What would say to her. It takes one day at a time to handle this situation.

---- Article finished ----
All of the emotions Proudnana describes as she discovers her daughter's pregnancy are part of the grief cycle, which we discuss in the chapter "Hearing the Shocking News". Proudnana learned who were true friends, and we discuss "Forgiving Unkind Acquaintances". Proudnana's husband reacted quite differently from her, and we discuss this in "Talking with My Husband". Proudnana talks about her daughter's feelings, which relates to the chapter "What Is My Daughter Feeling?" The advice to remain calm and pay attention to the first words out of your mouth is exactly what we recommend in the chapter "The Importance of First Words" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

Dana's story

This real story (names changed) is exerpted from "Dana's Delight" written by Jeff Meredith, from the Care Net Report, Winter/Spring 2009. Copyright is held by Care Net.

When Dana found herself lost in Utica, New York, one night, the man who offered to help seemed nice enough. But it was a trap. He brutally raped her on the side of the road. It was a new low for a woman who had endured abuse and hardship her whole life. Yet in her darkest moment, God sowed the seeds of her redemption.

Dana suffered almost unimaginable cruelty growing up. By her early 30s, Dana had been married three times: including an adulterer, and an alcoholic who persuaded her to move to Alaska with him only to be devastated when he turned up in jail after a drunk driving arrest. The day he was scheduled for release, he was rearrested for a prior DUI and extradited to New York. Dana followed him to Utica, where she spent most of her lonely days at the jail waiting for visiting hours. It was just after a long day at the jail that the rape occurred. She had just moved to a new apartment and didn't know how to drive home. Police never caught the rapist.

Without friends of support, Dana suffered severe anguish. She would cry for days, entertain suicidal thoughts, and wash herself with bleach to "deal" with the rape. Two months after the rape, Dana received the biggest shock of her life. She was pregnant. Her husband urged her to abort the child, and her doctors also insisted abortion was her "best" option. So did her therapist. It seemed like circumstances couldn't get worse. But then a woman she had never met before called and said she was her husband's wife. That seemed utterly impossible. But when she confronted him, he admitted it was true.

With her "marriage" in tatters and pressure building on all sides to end her pregnancy, Dana felt lost. She wasn't sure what she needed, but she thought she might find it at a church. So one night, she decided to drive until she found one. When she stumbled into Calvary Gospel Church, she introduced herself to the pastor and met his wife. That kind, gentle woman listened to Dana's story and she told her she knew people who could help.

The very next day, the two of them went to a pregnancy center. For the first time in months, Dana felt safe and relaxed. Dana spoke to a peer counselor named Amy, unloading all of the conflicting questions plaguing her: "What if I can't love the baby? What if it looks like the rapist? Is it wrong to want to keep this child?" Amy listened and offered unconditional support. In the weeks and months ahead, Dana spoke repeatedly with Amy. She was always encouraged, but she still felt unsure. Three times she scheduled and missed abortion appointments. The first time, she came down with a cold. The second time she was rear-ended on the way to the appointment. Finally, on the third try, Dana realized the abortion clinic workers just didn't care about her. That's when she chose life.

Overjoyed, Dana told Amy about her decision. They rejoiced with her and helped her receive maternity clothes, baby clothes, and a bassinet. These wonderful gifts - strengthened by prayer, counsel, and friendship - finally helped Dana realize that out of that horrible rape and her anguished life, "God was creating something good."

The day her daughter was born, Dana felt overwhelmed with joy. As her labor ended and new life began, she suddenly understood what Amy had been sharing with her about God's unconditional love. Shortly after giving birth, Dana sent a note to Amy saying, "Thank you for sticking with me. I love my baby so much. If I had gone through with the abortion, I would be feeling so much despair. Instead I have so much love. I have never been happier."

Less than a year after her daughter's birth, Dana met a man who not only loves her but her daughter too. They've been married for four years now and he's adopted Dana's daughter. Today, Dana can say with total certainty that despite the unbelievable difficulty of her life, "I would do it all again for my baby."

Click here to watch a video of Dana sharing her story.

Dana's Story from Care Net on Vimeo.

New Study Links Abortion To Wide Range of Mental Health Disorders

A new study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research found that women who have abortions are at higher risk for various mental health disorders.[1]

The study, led by Priscilla Coleman of Bowling Green State University, used data drawn from a nationally representative survey of mental health conducted by the University of Michigan. A subsample of 5,877 women were asked about their abortion history, stressful life experiences and other potential risk factors for various mental health disorders.

Researchers studied 15 different mental health problems that included anxiety disorders (panic disorder, panic attacks, agoraphobia and post-traumatic stress disorder), mood disorders (bipolar disorder, mania and major depression) and substance abuse disorders (alcohol and drug use and dependence).

The researchers wrote that, according to their findings, "For every disorder, the abortion group had a higher frequency that was statistically significant." After removing other factors, they found that abortion "made a significant contribution" for 12 out of the 15 disorders studied. Only mania and drug and alcohol use without addiction were not significantly associated with abortion.

Overall, mental disorders among women who had abortions were 17 percent higher than among women who did not have abortions. When researchers looked at specific disorders, the increased rate among women who had abortions ranged from 44 percent higher for panic attacks and 167 percent higher for bipolar disorder.

Abortion Increases Risks More Than Other Traumas

Women who had abortions were also more likely to report a history of sexual abuse and to have experienced stressful events in adulthood, such as miscarriage, physical violence or being in a life-threatening accident. The researchers noted that women who experience domestic violence are more likely to abort compared to women who are not in violent situations.

But the researchers also found that abortion was more likely to cause mental health problems among women than was a history of other traumas such as childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical violence or neglect.

"What is most notable is that abortion contributed significant independent effects to numerous mental health problems above and beyond a variety of other traumatizing and stressful life experiences," they wrote.

Abortion advocates and some researchers have argued that the increase in mental health problems among women who have abortions is caused by previous traumas or pre-existing mental health problems among women who abort. This study found otherwise, as did the findings of a 2005 New Zealand study which found that, even after controlling for existing mental health problems, women who aborted were more likely to later experience depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse and suicidal thoughts.

More Evidence of Abortion Trauma

Previous research has linked abortion to an increase in mental health problems such as suicide, depression, substance abuse, anxiety, sleep disorders, symptoms of post-traumatic stress and other problems. But this is the first study to identify links between abortion and agoraphobia, panic attacks and panic disorders.

The findings are especially worrisome in the light of other research and anecdotal evidence suggesting that many women and teens have unwanted abortions due to pressure, disinformation, lack of support, coercion or violence. According to one survey, 64 percent of American women undergoing abortions said they felt pressured to do so by others, while more than 80 percent reported they did not receive adequate counseling beforehand and more than half said they felt rushed or uncertain before the abortion.

Further, another survey found that 95 percent of women said they wanted to be informed of all the risks before undergoing an elective procedure such as abortion. Unfortunately, much pre-abortion counseling when it is offered gives women and their partners or families deceptive or inadequate information in order to reassure or sell them on abortion, rather than helping the woman find the best solution for her and her unborn baby.

This study adds more evidence to the need for meaningful help and alternatives to abortion, as well as a mechanism to hold abortion businesses liable for failing to screen for coercion and other known factors that put women and teens at risk for mental health disorders after abortion.

~~~
Citations

1. Coleman, PK et. al., "Induced abortion and anxiety, mood, and substance abuse disorders: Isolating the effects of abortion in the national comorbidity survey," Journal of Psychiatric Research (2008), doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2008.10.009.

This article is from The Elliot Institute News, Vol. 7, No. 23 -- Dec. 11, 2008

Protect your daughter

A recent news article titled "Jury reaches verdict in death of pregnant teen" summarizes the story of Chelsea Brooks, a 14-year-old girl who was nine months pregnant when she was murdered in 2006. The baby's father was 22. It appears that the girl's parents had received a court order for the baby's father to stay away from their daughter, because he was convicted of "violating a protection from abuse order." In addition, the baby's father was convicted of capital murder, "kidnapping, rape of a child under age of 14, ... and indecent liberties with a child."

If your pregnant daughter is a minor and the baby's father is not a minor, talk to a lawyer about the statuatory rape laws for your state and pray about whether you should press charges. If your pregnant daughter has been abused by the baby's father, talk to a lawyer about a court order for her protection. Take time to consider the physical safety of your daughter if the baby's father poses a threat. The greater the age difference between your teen daughter and the male she is dating, the more possibility that he is in a threatening or controlling position over her. Don't allow your teen daughter to date anyone more than 3 years older than herself.

Most teen pregnancies caused by adult men

In the news article linked to in the title of the post, there is a quote that says "Half of the time, a teen pregnancy does not even involve two teens close in age. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy estimates 52 percent of the fathers are three years or more older than the moms; and about two-thirds of the fathers are age 20 and over."

The statistic which says that "about two-thirds [66%] of the fathers are age 20 and over" includes 19-year old girls who are pregnant by 20 year old (and older) men. It also includes very young teens who are pregnant by men who are not teens themselves.

The other statistic above says that 52% of the time, a teen girl is pregnant by a male at least 3 years older than herself.

The article continues with an example, "In Illinois, the largest group of fathers involved in fathering a child with a teenage mother were between the ages of 20 and 24 -- that age group accounted for 48 percent of teen births during 2006, the latest year available. Only 10 percent of the fathers were under age 18."

Is an age difference of three years or more a big deal? For teens it definitely is:
"The older the partner, the greater the risk for abuse. One in five American teen girls has had sex with a sexual partner who is three or more years older, according to a report released in April by Child Trends, an independent research center that focuses on children and families. Even if the relationship is consensual, there is a significant power difference that puts the man in a controlling role. The risk of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease increases significantly with older partners because they are less likely to use condoms, the report said."

If your teen daughter is pregnant by a male three or more years older than her, you may decide to talk to a lawyer about the statuatory rape laws for your state. Are your other children dating people that are too old or too young for them (a three year age difference or more)? If so, consider intervening in that relationship. And talk to all your teens about dating and sex. We posted previously about how you can talk to your kids to help them avoid teen pregnancy.

Younger age at first intercourse may signal past abuse

Why do teens get pregnant? Some of them are the victims of sexual abuse. Some teens are pregnant directly by their abuser, and some are pregnant because of self-defeating behaviors that are a result of coping with abuse.

Sexually abused girls may initiate intercourse earlier than their peers and engage in a wide variety of high-risk behaviors, including substance abuse. The average age of first intercourse for abused girls is 13.8, in contrast to the national average of 16.2. If your daughter is pregnant or has been sexually active at an age lower than the national average, ask her if she has experienced sexual abuse.

How does child abuse affect teenage pregnancy and promiscuity? These statistics are from the Darkness to Light organization:

• Children who have been victims of sexual abuse exhibit long-term and more frequent behavioral problems, particularly inappropriate sexual behaviors.
  
• Women who report childhood rape are 3 times more likely to become pregnant before age 18.
  
• An estimated 60% of teen first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. The average age of their offenders is 27 years.
  
• Victims of child sexual abuse are more likely to be sexually promiscuous.
  
• More than 75% of teenage prostitutes have been sexually abused.
  

Talk to all your daughters about these statistics, and ask them to tell you about any abuse they have recieved. If your daughter has been abused, get her medical assistance, counseling, and talk to authorities about reporting the abuse.

Should we press charges?

There has been much gossip and discussion around the pregnancy of 16-year old Jamie Lynn Spears since her boyfriend is several years older. Some pundits are saying that the boy should be charged with Statutory Rape. Regardless of your opinion on the Spears' matter, the law is different in every state and there is no single definition of the age of consent for sexual activity. Read this 2003 overview of state laws, from which the following quote is extracted:

Most states do not refer specifically to statutory rape; instead they use designations such as sexual assault and sexual abuse to identify prohibited activity. Regardless of the designation, these crimes are based on the premise that until a person reaches a certain age, he is legally incapable of consenting to sexual intercourse. Thus, instead of including force as a criminal element, theses crimes make it illegal for anyone to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone below a certain age, other than his spouse.

Under some very particular conditions, health care workers, social workers, and others are required to report underage sexual activity as child abuse. Read this 2004 Report which also details the conditions that must be met for an incident to be legally considered statuatory rape (see in particular, the state-by-state summary).

If your situation fits the requirements for your state, then pray, seek counsel (legal counsel and mental/spiritual health counseling), and spend a lot of time talking with your daughter before taking the serious step of pressing charges. Your situation may or may not warrant criminal charges against the father of your daughter's baby, so consider any action with the help of professionals who understand all the nuances. Certainly if your daughter is pregnant because of a coersive, abusive and/or illegal situation, get her the counseling she needs and investigate whether any steps need to be taken to increase her physical safety.