The lesson asks some questions to help each person look at their relationship. These questions should be answered on paper, by your daughter and the baby's father separately. As a parent, write your own answers to some of these questions twice: once about your pregnant daughter and once about the baby's father [as you'll see, not all of them apply to you. For example, 'would you consider marrying this person?' However, you could rewrite them to work for you (for example, 'do you think your daughter should consider marrying this person')]. After everyone is finished writing their answers, get together (possibly with an outside counselor) and discuss everyone's answers. These also make good thought questions for your other children who are in dating relationships (some questions will have to be reworded to match their dating relationship instead of a parenting relationship).
- When you think of the baby’s father/mother, what are the major feelings you have?
- Would you consider marrying this person? Why or why not?
- What do you think marriage to this person would be like?
- What attracted you to him or her to begin with? Do the same things still attract you?
- Has the baby’s father or mother been a good or bad influence in your life?
- Do you love each other?
- What do you like best about him or her? Least?
- Who puts more into the relationship?
- Do you get along with his/her family and friends?
- How would you change him/her?
- Do you talk enough? Do you listen to each other when you do talk?
- Do you argue too much or not enough?
- Has the baby’s mother/father hurt you or your baby in any major way? If so, was it deliberate? Were his/her intentions good?
- Have you hurt him/her or your baby in any way?
- Does he/she limit you in any way? If so, how?
- What interests and friends do you share?
- How would you describe him/her as parent? Is he a good father or is she a good mother?
- What would you miss if you stopped seeing each other? What do you miss, if have already stopped seeing each other?
- What would you be glad about if you broke up? Or what are you glad about since you broke up?
- How does your relationship compare to the one you’d like?
- How do you see your relationship with him/her five years from now? 18 years from now?
- Are your present actions taking you there?
- What other concerns do you have about the baby’s father or mother?
Now that you have examined the relationship between your pregnant daughter and the baby's father a little bit, you can start to examine the options for their relationship going forward. There are a number of options which should be considered carefully. Make pro/con lists for each of these options. Then spend time thinking and praying about which choice to make. Basically, your pregnant daughter has the following choices for the relationship with the baby's father:
- Marry the baby's father 'soon' (within a year)
- Marry the baby's father at some point much later (years in the future)
- Have no contact/involvement with the baby's father: either be a single parent, marry someone else (at some later point), or choose an adoptive family for the baby
- Not marry the baby's father but he will be involved in parenting with you to some degree
- Not marry the baby's father at this time (and maybe never) and choose an adoptive family for the baby
You may find it helpful to read the following chapters from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success", "Should she parent alone?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?".
No comments:
Post a Comment