Dads are Important, Too

Family & Consumer Sciences at Michigan State University Extension created a free program called "Caring for My Family." One of the lessons in this program is called "Dads are Important, too". Consider printing out this lesson and discussing it with your pregnant daughter and her baby's father. If the baby's father will not be involved with your daughter and grandchild for some reason, discuss who could be a father figure for the child. If that person is currently available, have them join you to discuss this lesson. If you have not yet chosen a father figure for the child, maybe this lesson will help you brainstorm about the qualities you want that person to have. If no one your family knows would make an acceptable father figure, discuss whether adoption may provide the desired father for this child. Some of the main points from this lesson are as follows.

"Your baby, your baby’s father, and you make up a family whether or not you are married to your baby’s dad. Together, you and your baby’s dad have brought a new person into the world. What kind of life do you want for your baby?" With your pregnant daughter and the baby's father, each of you write a list that answers this question, then compare your lists.

In several previous posts, we highlighted some of the research that shows that fathers are important to the health of mother and child, and have an impact on childhood obesity. Fathers also have an impact on alcohol and drug use, and child abuse prevention. Fathers can help teens avoid pregnancy, and have better educational results. Finally, fathers can help the family avoid poverty and being involved in crime.

The lesson asks you to write about what a father is, and lists some ideas: "Fathers are involved in the day-to-day lives of their children. Fathers show love, talk to their children, smile, and make them feel special. Fathers provide support for their children (money, care, time). Fathers give positive and appropriate discipline. Fathers spend time with their children on a regular basis. Fathers are a consistent part of their children’s lives." Make your own lists and discuss them. What kind of help will your daughter and the baby's father need in order to be better parents?

The next list you should each write out is to think about your own father and write out the good fathering skills he had and also the areas where he had weaknesses as a father. The lesson notes that "Many fathers parent the way they were parented by their fathers. That might be all they know. Most fathers want to do a better job at parenting than their own fathers did. Some fathers, when they become adults, improve their relationship with their own fathers. Others find this difficult to do and need help dealing with their feelings. We each learn a great deal by thinking about our own fathering but it is more important to move forward in a positive way." Discuss the lists you each made. Brainstorm ways that the baby's father can avoid some of the weaknesses he saw in his father.

The lesson talks about some of the barriers that fathers face sometimes. "When they were involved with the mother, fathers saw their children more often. When they were no longer romantically involved, they had far less contact. They reported disagreements with the children’s mother over money. Many men could not get jobs that paid them enough to
provide on-going support for their children. Mothers often nagged them about the lack of support and money. Men involved in the underground economy or illegal activities felt ashamed and didn’t want their children to know about it. Some had been in prison and had not had much contact with their children. Disagreements with the mother’s mother or grandmother often interfered with the father’s contact with his children. Although children were important to these men, they often were not able to do much for them in return, especially as the children got older." Discuss these items with your pregnant daughter and the baby's father. Brainstorm ways that these barriers might be overcome.

In looking at the role of a father figure, you may find it helpful to read the following chapters in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy": "Where does the baby's father belong in all this?", "The importance of a father", "Should they marry?" and "Should she parent alone?"