Thanks for stopping by our blog! You can read about previous episodes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" by clicking the label "Media" here or at the end of this post. You can watch the two most-recent episodes online here (click the tab called "Full Episode"). Here are a few points from the show, with some items to discuss with your teens.Episode 6 starts with Amy sitting in the kitchen one morning. When her mom notices her, Amy says "I'm having a baby." If your teen daughter is pregnant, how did she break the news to you? Amy's mom doesn't believe her at first, asking if this announcement is a school assignment. Amy's mom then says, "Amy, you can't be pregnant. That's impossible." Amy tells her mom that she has been to see Dr. Hightower about six weeks ago, but Amy's mom is struggling to accept the situation, asking if the pregnancy is a joke that Amy & Ashley invented to distract their mom from the situation with their dad leaving. As Amy's mom keeps asking questions, she sounds a little angry. This shock, denial, and anger is a natural start to a grief cycle, so don't beat yourself up if you experience these upon hearing big news like this. What would you like your kids to do to help break hard news to you, whether its a failing grade, a car accident, pregnancy or anything else that may be scary to admit to you? Overall, Amy's mom was relatively calm and accepting of hearing the news of Amy's pregnancy. How was your reaction to your daughter's pregnancy similar and different? What do you wish you had done differently when you first heard the news?
Amy then says, "I think I want an abortion." Amy's mom says, "I don't know. Let's just think about this, okay? Let's think about all of the options." If your single daughter is pregnant, take the time to be educated about the benefits and consequences of all her choices: abortion, adoption, and parenting. A pregnancy help center can counsel and eduacte both you & your spouse, your daughter, and the baby's father. Don't rush into any decision. Take time to read, talk, and pray. You may find the chapter "Supporting my daughter as she makes decisions" helpful from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."
Amy says, "Mom, if you don't let me have an abortion, I want to go somewhere. Aren't there like homes for teenage mothers? I need a home." Amy's mom says, "But honey this is your home." Amy says, "I can't stay here and have a baby!" Both Amy & her mom are crying now. Later in the show, Amy's mom says, "Maybe we can think about adoption. You can go away until the baby comes. What if you go to my mom's?" In the car with Adrian and Ben on the way to the abortion clinic, Amy makes it sound like its her mom that wants to send her away and she doesn't want to go. Often the best place for your pregnant teen is in your home. But if there are reasons why she wants to live elsewhere or needs to live elsewhere, she may be able to live with relatives, friends, or a maternity home depending on her situation. With your pregnant daughter, research all her housing options and make lists of the pros and cons of each possible choice. Again, take time to make a careful decision, not a rushed decision.
Amy's mom calls the school to tell them that Amy will not be in class for the rest of the week, that they are going to Chicago because a family member died. Amy doesn't want her mother to tell her dad that she's pregnant. Later in the show, Amy's dad calls Amy on her cellphone, wondering why he got a message from Amy's mom. Amy says he doesn't need to come home, that everything will be okay, but that she has something to tell him and she asks him not to be mad at her. Amy's mom takes Amy's cellphone and tells the dad that Amy is pregnant, and he hangs up quickly. If one of your kids shares hard news with you, how have you shared that news with your spouse? Does your spouse want to be told right away, even over a cell phone? Or would they prefer that you wait until they get home from work? You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Talking with My Husband" and "Sharing with Family and Friends" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". These chapters discuss, among other things, how and when you tell family about your daughter's pregnancy.
Amy's mom tells Amy she's not happy that Dr. Hightower didn't call her to inform her that Amy was pregnant, and also she's embarrassed that Dr. Hightower's partner knows about Amy's pregnancy before she did. Talk to your kid's doctor about what health issues related to your minor child they will tell you about and what health issues they will hide from you under patient confidentiality. Do these policies depend on age, type of health issue, or some combination of factors? Also find out what your insurance company will tell you about your minor child's medical bills and what they will hide from you.
Amy says, "What if I just don't have the baby?" Amy's mom says, "You can think about that, and it's totally your choice. It's not a religious thing with me at all. It's how I feel about..I don't know...life." Talk to your kids about your thoughts about sex outside marriage, pregnancy outside marriage, abortion, and the life of the baby. What religous beliefs do you hold regarding these? What do your kids think about these topics?
Amy's mom says, "What happened to having a plan? You're supposed to have a plan for sex. You're supposed to have a plan that says you'll wait until you're older, so you can get an education and have a career before you settle down and start a family." Amy says, "I never thought about it." Ask your kids if they have thought about having sex outside marriage. Do they have a general plan for their life now (education, career, marriage, having children)? Do they have any dreams or goals about these topics? What are your preferences about their plans for sex, marriage, education, career, and starting a family?
Amy asks, "If I did end up having the baby, do you think I could get married? Ben said he would marry me." Amy's mom responds, "Is that how this happened? Ben said he would marry you if you got pregnant?" Later, Ben's dad and Amy's dad talk about the idea of Ben & Amy getting married. Neither of Amy's parents want her to get married at 15. Ben & his father also talk to the school guidance counselor about marriage. The counselor says that teen marriages dont have a "snowball's chance in hell." We gave a few statistics about teen marriage in a previous post about the show. Amy & her mom later also talk again about Amy marrying Ben. Amy's mom thinks Amy should try handling her pregnancy by herself instead of allowing Ben to rescue her. Amy's mom admits that she married Amy's father because she was pregnant with Amy and told her own parents that they had gotten married a year previous, and that allowing him to rescue her meant she felt like she was still trying to pay him back. Talk with your kids about their thoughts of people getting married because of pregnancy at age 15. What about getting married because of pregnancy at 18? or 21? or some other age? What factors do they think should be considered in deciding to get married, with or without pregnancy? If your daughter is pregnant, you may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should they marry?" and "Teen marriage success" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."
Amy's mom tells Ashley that she should have informed her that Amy was "in trouble." Do you want your kids to tell you when one of their siblings is having trouble with something (sex, pregnancy, alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc.)? What if they promised their sibling not to tell? What do your kids think they should do?
At school, one of Amy's friends (Lauren) says that she's no longer allowed to go to Amy's house after telling her own parents that her friend Amy is pregnant. If your teen had a pregnant friend, what would your reaction be? What, if any, contact restrictions do your teens think would be appropriate? Lauren's parents have not contacted Amy's parents when they heard this news. If your teen told you a friend was pregnant, would you call the parents? Would you want your teen's parents to call you if they knew something about your teen's health? (such as alcohol use, drugs, smoking, pregnancy, etc.)
Lauren & Madison discuss how Amy has to make up her own mind what she wants to do about the baby. Lauren says they can have an opinion but if Amy wants to "terminate the pregnancy" it's her choice. Ricky is talking to Grace about Amy being pregnant and says, "Even though it [having sex] was her idea, I would never be irresponsible so there is no way she's having my baby." When Ricky tells Grace that Amy is possibly having an abortion, Grace says, "I will not let anything bad happen to your baby!" Grace & Ricky go to the Family Planning Clinic, where Grace is determined to confront Amy about having an abortion. Amy uses Ashley's cell to call Adrian to come and drive Amy to a "free clinic". Ben pays Adrian $250 to go with her to Amy's house. When Adrian & Ben pick Amy up, Ben tries to convince Amy not to have an abortion, "You thought the worst part was telling your parents, but now that they know, everything gets better. They love you." Ben encourages Amy to talk to her parents about her decision. In many states, a minor cannot have an abortion without their parents notification, or even consent. Find out the current laws for your state regarding a minor's access to abortion. Appendix B "Parental Rights Regarding Abortion" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" summarizes this information as of November 2007.
Adrian is encouraging the abortion, telling Amy that the decision is hers alone (no one should have input) and that adoption would be bad, saying "You don't want some weird couple raising your baby so it can track you down when your life is finally getting better." Adrian has a very negative view of adoption. Even single women who plan to parent should become educated about adoption so that they can say they made the choice to parent intentionally instead of by default. If your single daughter is pregnant, you may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should She Parent Alone?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?" and "Should She Make An Adoption Plan?" from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Amy's mom asks her what she's afraid of, regarding her pregnancy. Amy says she's afraid that giving birth will hurt, and that people will be mean to Ashley because of her being pregnant. If your single daughter is pregnant, talk to your kids about how people are reacting and talking. Your family may find that some people are hurtful and some people are helpful. How can you support each other during this emotional time, and not let this challenge destroy your family? Build a support network for your family. Look for supportive pastors, counselors, and community resources. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "How Will My Church Respond?", "Sharing with Family and Friends", and "Forgiving Unkind Acquaintances" from our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy also has a discussion guide for episode 6 (pdf).
We blogged about each episode in season one: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
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