Thanks for stopping by our blog! You can read about previous episodes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" by clicking the label "Media" here or at the end of this post. You can watch some of the episodes online here (click the tab called "Full Episode"). Here are a few points from Episode 8, with some items to discuss with your teens.Amy's grandmother, "Mimsy," arrives and greets Amy in the kitchen. When Amy looks embarrassed by Mimsy mentioning the baby, Mimsy says, "No shame. Not a moment of shame. Not with me, anyway, because I'm so proud of you. You are a wonderful girl! So, you're going to have a baby, so what? Who cares? Life must have wanted another beautiful creature on this planet. Who knows Life's plan? We don't know how this is all going to turn out...whether this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing, so don't worry about it, not a bit!" Talk to your kids about these sentiments. Are they in line with what they wish a response to pregnancy would be? What do you think of these thoughts?
At school, Ricky is talking to Adrian. He says he's been learning about babies. He says he cares about the baby. Adrian counters with, "Or, you just think you should care, so you're acting as if you care." Ricky replies, "What's the difference?" Talk to your kids about the difference. How could they tell if a boy was just pretending to care about them? If your daughter is pregnant, does she think the baby's father really cares about her and the baby or is justing pretending to care?
Next Ricky is talking to Grace and he tells her that Amy is going to her grandmother's house to live. He sneers, "She's running away like a child. It might be a good time to grow up. There are schools for girls like her." If your daughter is pregnant, what does she want to do about finishing school? How does she perceive school programs for pregnant teens? What does she think about the possibility of living with relatives during her pregnancy -- is it running away to do so? Being pregnant does mean that you have to grow up, regardless of what age you are when pregnant. What areas of life do your kids think need to become more adult when someone is pregnant?
At Amy's house, Mimsy has brought Amy a sweater that Amy's mom wore when she told Mimsy she was pregnant herself. Mimsy says she remembers telling Amy's mom (just as she has now told Amy) that "Adoption is not an option. We're a big family. We can take care of this baby. You and George and me and even Ashley. We can take care of the baby!" Amy's mom replies, "Well, mom, I don't know about that. We still have lots of time to think about what's right for Amy and the baby." Mimsy says, "Oh, well we don't need any more time. Amy and I have decided. We don't want adoption. We want to keep the baby." A wonderful benefit of not rushing into an abortion is that you have plenty of time to figure out how to overcome the challenges of parenting and adoption. Acknowledge to yourselves that you can change your mind about adoption and parenting many times during the pregnancy, and even for some period of time after the baby is born. But the fact that there is time to think doesn't mean you should wait until the last minute to become educated about both adoption and parenting. One teen we worked with had put this self-education off for later but she suddenly went into labor and gave birth nearly 2.5 months early. Amidst the scary birth of the premature baby, she wasn't prepared to make decisions about parenting and adoption because she assumed she had plenty of time to think about them "tomorrow." So start the process of learning and decision making as soon as possible. Talk to your kids about Mimsy's reaction that they whole family would help take care of the baby and thus adoption shouldn't be chosen. What does your whole family think about your daughter's pregnancy? What does each of them wish she would choose? Are they truely willing to help with middle of the night feedings? or babysitting while your daughter is in school? If your family is not available or not able to help with raising the baby, does that encourage you to examine adoption more closely?
Amy says that she wants to keep the baby, and "Mimsy agrees that Ben and I should get married, and possibly go on a honeymoon to Paris... a little wedding gift from Mimsy." Amy's mom is stunned and points out that Mimsy hasn't even met Ben and that they are both just 15 years old. Mimsy says, "Who cares how old they are?" This topic of teen marriage has come up in several episodes, so see our other posts about this show to find discussion questions about marriage. In this post, let's talk about weddings and honeymoons. What are your kid's dreams about their eventual wedding? Have them do research on the cost of their dream wedding. How would your family pay for it? Then have your kids develop ideas for a wedding that would be nice but the budget would be something that is easily affordable instead of needing a second mortgage or huge loan. We have worked with several women who had weddings that were so expensive that the loan wasn't even paid off when the couple divorced a few years later, in part due to the economic stresses they were unable to handle. Next talk about their dream honeymoon, and a honeymoon that would be nice but more affordable. If your daughter is pregnant, would it make more economic sense to save up for a five-year wedding anniversary trip instead of an extravagant wedding and honeymoon?
In the show, we start to see that maybe Mimsy is suffering from Alzheimer's, because she pulls out the silverware drawer and says the baby can stay in there for the first year or two, and then they can find something bigger like a dresser drawer. Later in the show, we learn that Mimsy has already moved into an assisted living facility and she will be touring Europe for a few months while she still can. Families often face stresses from multiple directions, just like this show. As a parent, you may have to cope with the stress of a pregnant single daughter at the same time as the stress of your own parent with failing health. Make sure that you too get any support or grief counseling you need to help you cope with all parts of your life as a parent.
At Grace's house, Ricky and Grace's brother have a talk because Grace's brother was adopted into Grace's family because his mother died. Ricky had told Grace earlier that he wasn't sure about adoption for his child because he didn't know what adoption was like. While you and your daughter are educating yourselves about adoption in order to cover all the bases, see if you can talk to a person who was adopted into a family. Make up a list of questions to ask them, including the things you are afraid of. For example, are you afraid the adopted person feels rejected by their first mother? Don't let myths and misconceptions rule your mind as you learn about all of your options regarding the baby.
Amy & Madison are talking about how they both wanted someone to desire them, even though they knew that Ricky was a horrible person. Lauren and Madison both admit they feel desparate to get a boyfriend. Talk to your kids about this natural longing to belong and to be loved. Ask them to describe how they feel. What do they imagine a perfect loving relationship would be like? What do they think the realities of relationships are like? Ask them to brainstorm all the different paths their longing for love could lead them down. Some of these paths may end up in a good place, and others will not. Ask them to describe the differences between infatuation, lust, and real love. There are lots of books that talk about these emotions..perhaps you could discuss one with your teens.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy also has a discussion guide for episode 8 (pdf).
We blogged about each episode in season one: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
No comments:
Post a Comment