Talking about relationships

Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).

This booklet says,

FAST FACT: Teens say that the most important thing parents can do to teach them about successful relationships is to talk to them about relationships, not just about the birds and the bees. Teens report that the second most important thing that parents can do is to listen when
they talk about the people in their lives.

FAST FACT: Teens say that parents most influence their decisions about relationships—more than friends, the media, other family members, or even their own boyfriend or girlfriend.

FAST FACT: Teens say that trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship.

Read the scripts provided in the booklet to help you see how to start a conversation with your kids about their relationships. This type of conversation should not be a one-time event. Ask your kids every month about how their relationships are going currently.

This booklet has some great questions to ask your kids who are dating (regardless of their age):

1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend understand how special you are and do they appreciate all those things that make you special? That is, do they respect you and all that you are?

2) Trust is important in all types of relationships. Do you trust your boyfriend/girlfriend and — just as important— does he/she trust you?

3) Open and honest communication is also a critical ingredient of any healthy partnership. Do you have ongoing, open, two-way conversations (not fights, not lectures) about topics that are
important to you? Do you discuss your feelings? Your goals?

4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend support you through thick and thin? It’s easy to be on board during the good times, but what about when things get rocky? Can you count on him/her to be there for you?

5) Is your relationship a two-way street? Think about it: does one of you make nearly all of the decisions in your relationship? Do you only hang out with “his friends?” Do you only see romantic comedies or smash-em-up movies? Do both of you make important contributions to what is
happening in your relationship?

These questions make an great start to evaluating the relationship of your pregnant daughter to the baby's father. If that relationship doesn't stand up to even these simple questions, then it is more likely that the baby's father will not make a good marriage candidate. But if the relationship is solid based on these simple questions, it is worth doing more exploring.