Relationship red flags

Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).

This booklet says:

FAST FACT: One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship say they have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner; one in four teen girls say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; and one in four teen girls say they have been pressured to go further sexually than they wanted.

Ask your teens (and your college student, and even your older child) if they have been hit/slapped/pushed by a partner. Are they currently in a relationship where that is happening?

Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have ever tried to control who they spend time with. Is that happening in the current relationship?

Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have pressured them to go further sexually than they wanted. Is that happening in the current relationship? For your pregnant daughter, was her sexual activity with the baby's father by mutual consent, or did he pressure her into it?

The booklet has some great questions to help you talk about relationship problems. Talk to all your kids about their current and past relationships, using these questions. For your pregnant daughter, these are very important questions to discuss about her relationship with the baby's father.

1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex quickly?

2) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend act jealous or possessive of you?

3) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ignore boundaries of any sort that you have set?

4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend insult you privately or in front of others?

5) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend not let you have your own identity? Do they try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?

6) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend IM or text you constantly?

7) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refuse to consider your point of view or your desires, or simply doesn't listen to what you have to say?

8) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?

9) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend blame alcohol or drugs for their behavior?

10) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend threaten to hurt you, someone you care about, or themselves if you were to leave them?

These questions point out serious red flags about the relationship and indicate that the relationship is not respectful or caring. Help your kids know that they are worthy of respect and worthy of being treated with care.