The National Fatherhood Initiative has a great list of tips about helping your kids think independently and make good choices for themselves yet still provide the guidance and boundaries they need. These tips can be applied to your pregnant daughter and to any of her younger siblings.
1) Get their opinion. Your pregnant daughter has a LOT of decisions to make about her own future and the future of her child, your grandchild. Handle one decision at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. Ask her opinion about the particular decision and ask her to explain the reasons she used to arrive at that opinion; explain your opinion and the logic you used to arrive at that opinion. Do research together to make sure you've got the facts right; change your opinion if the facts show that you were wrong about something.
2) Let them experience consequences. Your pregnant daughter is currently experiencing one consequence of her sexual activity outside of marriage. She is responsible for the care of her child. Spend a lot of time talking with your spouse and with caring advisors about what kind of aid you will provide your daughter, given her stage of life. I recently heard an interesting phrase: "Enabling is doing something for someone that they CAN and should be doing for themselves." This will be different for each situation. A young teen is likely not capable of living on their own outside your home, so you are not enabling her by housing her. On the other hand, you might be enabling a 20-something by providing free housing. You'll have to evaluate the capabilities of your pregnant daughter in each area, and let her experience reasonable consequences relative to her capabilities.
3) Praise good decisions. Offer verbal praise when your pregnant daughter makes a good decision even if you're still angry or fearful of the general situation. For example, praise her for eating right and getting prenatal care even if you're still angry that she's pregnant at all.
4) Face fears together. Talk to your pregnant daughter about your fears, not only for her and her child, but for your own life. Tell her how you've handled fears in your life so far. Ask her about her fears. Help her brainstorm ways to handle her fears about her future.
5) Don't give up! Encourage your pregnant daughter to persevere, to learn new skills, and to develop a strong work ethic and motivation. These traits will serve her well regardless of whether she marries the baby's father, is a single parent, or parents via adoption.
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