Supporting your spouse

When a daughter announces her pregnancy outside of marriage, you can bet that a lot of the time her mother and father will react differently from each other.

In "A Conversation with a Counselor" (March/April 2009 issue of Stepping Stones newsletter by Bethany Christian Services), author John Van Regenmorter encourages husbands and wives to consider the following:

• Be patient with each other. Men and women are going to handle this differently. It doesn't mean that one spouse is handling it right and the other is handling it wrong; it just means that each spouse is handling it differently.
• Do not rely only on your spouse for support - that puts a lot of pressure on your marriage. You cannot expect your spouse to be everything for you throughout this entire process. Find a friend or support group to help you, or look for support online.
• Communicate with your spouse. Most men truly want to make their wives feel better. They would love to fix the situation, but they can't. Women need to tell their husbands what they can do. Men are not mind readers. Wives my need to say, "You can't fix this, but I really appreciate it when you bring me flowers, or I really appreciate it when you just give me some time by myself."

You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Talking with my husband" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".