Yesterday we blogged about the possible dangers of a teen daughter dating someone who is several years older than herself. Earlier in the week we blogged about warning signs of an abusive relationship.
Here's a real-life example that appeared in "The Elliot Institute News" from the Leader in Post-Abortion Research, Vol. 8, No. 6 -- April 16, 2009.
"God, Why?"
One Woman Shares Her Personal Story
I was living in Texas, with my mom, dad, and four brothers. My parents divorced when I was 13. My mother was sick most of my childhood life, in and out of hospitals and mental institutions.
Then in the eighth grade I met someone who was 19 years old (I was only 14 years old.) I think I leaned on him for support because my dad had moved to another state for job reasons and my mom was sick. In some ways I was a little mother for my four brothers.
My boyfriend abused me by slapping me and controlling everything I did. I was just a child. I didn't realize then how serious my situation was. We started having sex and I got pregnant.
My mother decided I should have an abortion and my boyfriend gave me the money to go. My oldest brother took me to Dallas to have the abortion. I was only four weeks pregnant.
When I walked into the abortion clinic, I remember seeing so many young, scared faces just like mine. …. I remember waking up in a room all alone and scared. I went home and little did I know that my trouble and pain were just beginning.
I was still being abused by my boyfriend and then my mother was sick. I had to live with an aunt I did not know.
My two younger brothers lived with different aunts and I and my older brothers stayed in Texas. I had lost my family and until then hadn't realized how my abortion affected me.
Time went by and I met new friends but I was still a very hurt and confused teenager. I was watching TV one evening and a show came on about conceiving a baby and how it grows inside the mother's womb. Then it talked about abortion.
For the first time in my life I realized what I had done. I started crying and screaming. I ran into my bedroom and hit the walls with my fists. I was sobbing, “God, why?” I cried for hours.
I am 33 years old now and still there are days when I cry. Every day of my life I have pain inside of me.
I think it should be a law for women, especially teenagers, to see a film on abortion before they decide to have one. I know it would have saved my baby's life.
I don't blame my mother because she still saw me as a child … I carry the responsibility and the pain.
~~~
Learn more: For more personal stories of abortion, including coerced, forced and unwanted abortions, visit www.TheUnchoice.com.
More personal stories and a reflection on the personal and social obstacles women often face before, during and after abortion, can be found in the book Giving Sorrow Words: Women's Stories of Grief After Abortion, by Melinda Tankard Reist.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Age differences in dating
Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: 13% of same-age relationships among those aged 12-14 include sexual intercourse. If the partner is just two older, that number doubles: 26% of the relationships include sex. If the partner is three or more years older, 33% of the relationships include sex.
TIP: Group activities among young people are fine, often fun, and can be a terrific way to develop relationships that are not necessarily of the intense, bf/gf variety. Steady, frequent, one-on-one dating much before age 16 is another story altogether. In particular, be very cautious about letting your teenage son/daughter develop an intense relationship with
someone who is three or more years older. For example, research makes clear that romantic relationships between very young teens significantly increase the risk of too-early and unwanted sex. Dating in the presence of large age differences is similarly a high-risk proposition.
On all of these matters—group dating, early dating, or dating someone older—don’t wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area otherwise he/she will think you just don’t like the particular person or invitation.
Begin laying the groundwork and ground rules long before dating is even an option.
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: 13% of same-age relationships among those aged 12-14 include sexual intercourse. If the partner is just two older, that number doubles: 26% of the relationships include sex. If the partner is three or more years older, 33% of the relationships include sex.
TIP: Group activities among young people are fine, often fun, and can be a terrific way to develop relationships that are not necessarily of the intense, bf/gf variety. Steady, frequent, one-on-one dating much before age 16 is another story altogether. In particular, be very cautious about letting your teenage son/daughter develop an intense relationship with
someone who is three or more years older. For example, research makes clear that romantic relationships between very young teens significantly increase the risk of too-early and unwanted sex. Dating in the presence of large age differences is similarly a high-risk proposition.
On all of these matters—group dating, early dating, or dating someone older—don’t wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area otherwise he/she will think you just don’t like the particular person or invitation.
Begin laying the groundwork and ground rules long before dating is even an option.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sexting
Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: One in five teens say they have sent electronically or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or video of themselves.
This behavior is being called "sexting", a play on the word "texting". We've blogged about this topic before (click here for previous article).
Ask your kids if they have sent or posted nude/semi-nude photos/video of themselves. Have they sent explicit messages?
The research indicates that teens who are sending/posting explicit content are trying to impress a boyfriend/girlfriend. Was that your kid's motiviation, too?
Talk about these questions:
Is that really how you want to develop a relationship with someone?
If someone you’re interested in asks you to send a nude picture of yourself what does that say about that person?
Is that someone who is really interested in a meaningful relationship? Remember, you are
in charge of your life—don’t let anyone pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do and that you might regret.
It is also true that many teens are sharing these images and messages with their friends—do
you really want your most private thoughts and images passed around?
Do you really want nude pictures of yourself floating around the internet when you are
applying for college or for a job?
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: One in five teens say they have sent electronically or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or video of themselves.
This behavior is being called "sexting", a play on the word "texting". We've blogged about this topic before (click here for previous article).
Ask your kids if they have sent or posted nude/semi-nude photos/video of themselves. Have they sent explicit messages?
The research indicates that teens who are sending/posting explicit content are trying to impress a boyfriend/girlfriend. Was that your kid's motiviation, too?
Talk about these questions:
Is that really how you want to develop a relationship with someone?
If someone you’re interested in asks you to send a nude picture of yourself what does that say about that person?
Is that someone who is really interested in a meaningful relationship? Remember, you are
in charge of your life—don’t let anyone pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do and that you might regret.
It is also true that many teens are sharing these images and messages with their friends—do
you really want your most private thoughts and images passed around?
Do you really want nude pictures of yourself floating around the internet when you are
applying for college or for a job?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Relationship red flags
Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship say they have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner; one in four teen girls say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; and one in four teen girls say they have been pressured to go further sexually than they wanted.
Ask your teens (and your college student, and even your older child) if they have been hit/slapped/pushed by a partner. Are they currently in a relationship where that is happening?
Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have ever tried to control who they spend time with. Is that happening in the current relationship?
Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have pressured them to go further sexually than they wanted. Is that happening in the current relationship? For your pregnant daughter, was her sexual activity with the baby's father by mutual consent, or did he pressure her into it?
The booklet has some great questions to help you talk about relationship problems. Talk to all your kids about their current and past relationships, using these questions. For your pregnant daughter, these are very important questions to discuss about her relationship with the baby's father.
1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex quickly?
2) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend act jealous or possessive of you?
3) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ignore boundaries of any sort that you have set?
4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend insult you privately or in front of others?
5) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend not let you have your own identity? Do they try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?
6) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend IM or text you constantly?
7) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refuse to consider your point of view or your desires, or simply doesn't listen to what you have to say?
8) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?
9) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend blame alcohol or drugs for their behavior?
10) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend threaten to hurt you, someone you care about, or themselves if you were to leave them?
These questions point out serious red flags about the relationship and indicate that the relationship is not respectful or caring. Help your kids know that they are worthy of respect and worthy of being treated with care.
This booklet says:
FAST FACT: One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship say they have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner; one in four teen girls say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; and one in four teen girls say they have been pressured to go further sexually than they wanted.
Ask your teens (and your college student, and even your older child) if they have been hit/slapped/pushed by a partner. Are they currently in a relationship where that is happening?
Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have ever tried to control who they spend time with. Is that happening in the current relationship?
Ask your girls if any of their boyfriends have pressured them to go further sexually than they wanted. Is that happening in the current relationship? For your pregnant daughter, was her sexual activity with the baby's father by mutual consent, or did he pressure her into it?
The booklet has some great questions to help you talk about relationship problems. Talk to all your kids about their current and past relationships, using these questions. For your pregnant daughter, these are very important questions to discuss about her relationship with the baby's father.
1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex quickly?
2) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend act jealous or possessive of you?
3) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ignore boundaries of any sort that you have set?
4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend insult you privately or in front of others?
5) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend not let you have your own identity? Do they try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?
6) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend IM or text you constantly?
7) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend refuse to consider your point of view or your desires, or simply doesn't listen to what you have to say?
8) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?
9) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend blame alcohol or drugs for their behavior?
10) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend threaten to hurt you, someone you care about, or themselves if you were to leave them?
These questions point out serious red flags about the relationship and indicate that the relationship is not respectful or caring. Help your kids know that they are worthy of respect and worthy of being treated with care.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Talking about relationships
Download yourself a copy of the online booklet called "Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to your Kids about Relationships" (by Bill Albert and Jessica Sheets).
This booklet says,
FAST FACT: Teens say that the most important thing parents can do to teach them about successful relationships is to talk to them about relationships, not just about the birds and the bees. Teens report that the second most important thing that parents can do is to listen when
they talk about the people in their lives.
FAST FACT: Teens say that parents most influence their decisions about relationships—more than friends, the media, other family members, or even their own boyfriend or girlfriend.
FAST FACT: Teens say that trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship.
Read the scripts provided in the booklet to help you see how to start a conversation with your kids about their relationships. This type of conversation should not be a one-time event. Ask your kids every month about how their relationships are going currently.
This booklet has some great questions to ask your kids who are dating (regardless of their age):
1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend understand how special you are and do they appreciate all those things that make you special? That is, do they respect you and all that you are?
2) Trust is important in all types of relationships. Do you trust your boyfriend/girlfriend and — just as important— does he/she trust you?
3) Open and honest communication is also a critical ingredient of any healthy partnership. Do you have ongoing, open, two-way conversations (not fights, not lectures) about topics that are
important to you? Do you discuss your feelings? Your goals?
4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend support you through thick and thin? It’s easy to be on board during the good times, but what about when things get rocky? Can you count on him/her to be there for you?
5) Is your relationship a two-way street? Think about it: does one of you make nearly all of the decisions in your relationship? Do you only hang out with “his friends?” Do you only see romantic comedies or smash-em-up movies? Do both of you make important contributions to what is
happening in your relationship?
These questions make an great start to evaluating the relationship of your pregnant daughter to the baby's father. If that relationship doesn't stand up to even these simple questions, then it is more likely that the baby's father will not make a good marriage candidate. But if the relationship is solid based on these simple questions, it is worth doing more exploring.
This booklet says,
FAST FACT: Teens say that the most important thing parents can do to teach them about successful relationships is to talk to them about relationships, not just about the birds and the bees. Teens report that the second most important thing that parents can do is to listen when
they talk about the people in their lives.
FAST FACT: Teens say that parents most influence their decisions about relationships—more than friends, the media, other family members, or even their own boyfriend or girlfriend.
FAST FACT: Teens say that trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship.
Read the scripts provided in the booklet to help you see how to start a conversation with your kids about their relationships. This type of conversation should not be a one-time event. Ask your kids every month about how their relationships are going currently.
This booklet has some great questions to ask your kids who are dating (regardless of their age):
1) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend understand how special you are and do they appreciate all those things that make you special? That is, do they respect you and all that you are?
2) Trust is important in all types of relationships. Do you trust your boyfriend/girlfriend and — just as important— does he/she trust you?
3) Open and honest communication is also a critical ingredient of any healthy partnership. Do you have ongoing, open, two-way conversations (not fights, not lectures) about topics that are
important to you? Do you discuss your feelings? Your goals?
4) Does your boyfriend/girlfriend support you through thick and thin? It’s easy to be on board during the good times, but what about when things get rocky? Can you count on him/her to be there for you?
5) Is your relationship a two-way street? Think about it: does one of you make nearly all of the decisions in your relationship? Do you only hang out with “his friends?” Do you only see romantic comedies or smash-em-up movies? Do both of you make important contributions to what is
happening in your relationship?
These questions make an great start to evaluating the relationship of your pregnant daughter to the baby's father. If that relationship doesn't stand up to even these simple questions, then it is more likely that the baby's father will not make a good marriage candidate. But if the relationship is solid based on these simple questions, it is worth doing more exploring.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Parking for Pregnant College Students
If your pregnant daughter is a college student, she should check to see if there are any accomodations that her school can make to help her park closer to the buildings where her classes are located so that she has less distance to walk. The school may be able to help her with "temporary disability" accomodations. But be aware that the policies of her school may be tricky to navigate.
Take, for example, a recent article in the Daily Collegian which tells the story of University of Massachusetts undergraduate Michele Copeland. She is 36 weeks pregnant and had great difficulty with the policies of that school while trying to get parking that was closer to her classes.
Take, for example, a recent article in the Daily Collegian which tells the story of University of Massachusetts undergraduate Michele Copeland. She is 36 weeks pregnant and had great difficulty with the policies of that school while trying to get parking that was closer to her classes.
Monday, April 20, 2009
7 Myths about Pregnancy
Scientific American has a short slide show that addresses seven myths about pregnancy.
1) Myth: Only the mother's biological clock matters.
2) Myth: Fat pregnant women are more likely to have overweight babies.
3) Myth: Gender can be predicted by size of "baby bump".
4) Myth: Pregnant women should avoid eating peanuts to decrease the chance that the baby will be allergic to them.
5) Myth: A fetus with a full head of hair causes mother to have more heartburn.
6) Myth: Lifting heavy objects could cause the placenta to detach from the uterus.
7) Myth: Women eat more food when expecting a boy.
I'm sure your pregnant daughter has heard lots of other pregnancy myths. We've blogged about some of them previously. Ask her what she's heard about pregnancy, and then research those ideas together to see if they are true or false.
1) Myth: Only the mother's biological clock matters.
2) Myth: Fat pregnant women are more likely to have overweight babies.
3) Myth: Gender can be predicted by size of "baby bump".
4) Myth: Pregnant women should avoid eating peanuts to decrease the chance that the baby will be allergic to them.
5) Myth: A fetus with a full head of hair causes mother to have more heartburn.
6) Myth: Lifting heavy objects could cause the placenta to detach from the uterus.
7) Myth: Women eat more food when expecting a boy.
I'm sure your pregnant daughter has heard lots of other pregnancy myths. We've blogged about some of them previously. Ask her what she's heard about pregnancy, and then research those ideas together to see if they are true or false.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wonderful AND exhausting, confusing, infuriating
A recent article titled "Moms spill truth about motherhood" starts by saying "Motherhood is a wonderful responsibility -- but it can also be exhausting, confusing, infuriating and downright funny."
Talk with your pregnant daughter about what your life was like before you had children, and immediately after you gave birth.
Did you feel alone? Overwhelmed? Inadequate? What support did you have?
Did you feel maternal right away?
How is your pregnant daughter's situation similar and different from your own?
Brainstorm ways to cope with the feelings of being alone, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived, which your daughter will feel after she gives birth.
Talk with your pregnant daughter about what your life was like before you had children, and immediately after you gave birth.
Did you feel alone? Overwhelmed? Inadequate? What support did you have?
Did you feel maternal right away?
How is your pregnant daughter's situation similar and different from your own?
Brainstorm ways to cope with the feelings of being alone, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived, which your daughter will feel after she gives birth.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Guidance vs Independence
The National Fatherhood Initiative has a great list of tips about helping your kids think independently and make good choices for themselves yet still provide the guidance and boundaries they need. These tips can be applied to your pregnant daughter and to any of her younger siblings.
1) Get their opinion. Your pregnant daughter has a LOT of decisions to make about her own future and the future of her child, your grandchild. Handle one decision at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. Ask her opinion about the particular decision and ask her to explain the reasons she used to arrive at that opinion; explain your opinion and the logic you used to arrive at that opinion. Do research together to make sure you've got the facts right; change your opinion if the facts show that you were wrong about something.
2) Let them experience consequences. Your pregnant daughter is currently experiencing one consequence of her sexual activity outside of marriage. She is responsible for the care of her child. Spend a lot of time talking with your spouse and with caring advisors about what kind of aid you will provide your daughter, given her stage of life. I recently heard an interesting phrase: "Enabling is doing something for someone that they CAN and should be doing for themselves." This will be different for each situation. A young teen is likely not capable of living on their own outside your home, so you are not enabling her by housing her. On the other hand, you might be enabling a 20-something by providing free housing. You'll have to evaluate the capabilities of your pregnant daughter in each area, and let her experience reasonable consequences relative to her capabilities.
3) Praise good decisions. Offer verbal praise when your pregnant daughter makes a good decision even if you're still angry or fearful of the general situation. For example, praise her for eating right and getting prenatal care even if you're still angry that she's pregnant at all.
4) Face fears together. Talk to your pregnant daughter about your fears, not only for her and her child, but for your own life. Tell her how you've handled fears in your life so far. Ask her about her fears. Help her brainstorm ways to handle her fears about her future.
5) Don't give up! Encourage your pregnant daughter to persevere, to learn new skills, and to develop a strong work ethic and motivation. These traits will serve her well regardless of whether she marries the baby's father, is a single parent, or parents via adoption.
1) Get their opinion. Your pregnant daughter has a LOT of decisions to make about her own future and the future of her child, your grandchild. Handle one decision at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. Ask her opinion about the particular decision and ask her to explain the reasons she used to arrive at that opinion; explain your opinion and the logic you used to arrive at that opinion. Do research together to make sure you've got the facts right; change your opinion if the facts show that you were wrong about something.
2) Let them experience consequences. Your pregnant daughter is currently experiencing one consequence of her sexual activity outside of marriage. She is responsible for the care of her child. Spend a lot of time talking with your spouse and with caring advisors about what kind of aid you will provide your daughter, given her stage of life. I recently heard an interesting phrase: "Enabling is doing something for someone that they CAN and should be doing for themselves." This will be different for each situation. A young teen is likely not capable of living on their own outside your home, so you are not enabling her by housing her. On the other hand, you might be enabling a 20-something by providing free housing. You'll have to evaluate the capabilities of your pregnant daughter in each area, and let her experience reasonable consequences relative to her capabilities.
3) Praise good decisions. Offer verbal praise when your pregnant daughter makes a good decision even if you're still angry or fearful of the general situation. For example, praise her for eating right and getting prenatal care even if you're still angry that she's pregnant at all.
4) Face fears together. Talk to your pregnant daughter about your fears, not only for her and her child, but for your own life. Tell her how you've handled fears in your life so far. Ask her about her fears. Help her brainstorm ways to handle her fears about her future.
5) Don't give up! Encourage your pregnant daughter to persevere, to learn new skills, and to develop a strong work ethic and motivation. These traits will serve her well regardless of whether she marries the baby's father, is a single parent, or parents via adoption.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Blessings, trust, and fear
In a recent article called "Ten Benefts of Difficult Economic Times", authors Wes Willmer and Calvin Howe have some interesting points that are relevant to the parents of a pregnant daughter.
When you are in the midst of all the emotions of discovering that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage, you can feel overwhelmed with negativity. So counter that negativity by being active in counting your blessings. Write down your blessings. Brainstorm to find more blessings that don't leap to mind easily. Maybe write your list on a sheet of paper that is posted in your kitchen so that you can review them regularly and even add to them when you think of a new one. America is a very rich country compared to a lot of the world. Even when things are very very tough in terms of food and material posessions, you may still have blessings that some parts of the world do not have... such as freedom to go to the church of your choice, freedom to have more than one child rather than a forced abortion, freedom to vote, etc. So rediscover the blessings you have, and express gratitude for them!
The challenge of a pregnant daughter during tougher economic times is an opportunity to trust God rather than your own resources. "God, as Creator, owns all in the created world. When our earthly resources dry up, we are reminded that we should trust God. All we have, we are managing for Him as stewards. The recession should bring us back to relying first and foremost on God, and not trusting in our own power."
Today is a day to rejoice. This is the day that the Lord has made! "While the watchword of today's world may be fear and panic, Christians can rejoice because their security is not in their bank accounts." Fear is not from God. God's perfect love will cast out fear unless you are clinging to the fear. So choose to let go of the fear and to cling to God's love for you instead.
When you are in the midst of all the emotions of discovering that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage, you can feel overwhelmed with negativity. So counter that negativity by being active in counting your blessings. Write down your blessings. Brainstorm to find more blessings that don't leap to mind easily. Maybe write your list on a sheet of paper that is posted in your kitchen so that you can review them regularly and even add to them when you think of a new one. America is a very rich country compared to a lot of the world. Even when things are very very tough in terms of food and material posessions, you may still have blessings that some parts of the world do not have... such as freedom to go to the church of your choice, freedom to have more than one child rather than a forced abortion, freedom to vote, etc. So rediscover the blessings you have, and express gratitude for them!
The challenge of a pregnant daughter during tougher economic times is an opportunity to trust God rather than your own resources. "God, as Creator, owns all in the created world. When our earthly resources dry up, we are reminded that we should trust God. All we have, we are managing for Him as stewards. The recession should bring us back to relying first and foremost on God, and not trusting in our own power."
Today is a day to rejoice. This is the day that the Lord has made! "While the watchword of today's world may be fear and panic, Christians can rejoice because their security is not in their bank accounts." Fear is not from God. God's perfect love will cast out fear unless you are clinging to the fear. So choose to let go of the fear and to cling to God's love for you instead.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Challenging Times
In a recent article called "Ten Benefts of Difficult Economic Times", authors Wes Willmer and Calvin Howe have some interesting points that are relevant to the parents of a pregnant daughter.
They say, "God gives us challenging times to (1) deepen our own personal faith, (2) improve our ...long-term effectiveness, and (3) focus on our call to fulfill the Great Commission of winning the world to Christ. No matter how bad our situation... God is with His people, and He provides a way for us to find joy and contentment within the circumstance in which we find ourselves."
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage destroy your faith. Recognize this as a time to deepen your own faith. Don't cut yourself off from church, fellowship, and your personal time with God. Now is the time for more Bible study and prayer, not less. Search the Bible for verses that address the emotions you are facing. You may find it helpful to read "Daily Contentment with God" by Howard Ford, a daily devotional that shows you how the Bible has practical advice for topics like anger, fear, and depression.
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage derail your ministry. You may be like Queen Esther ... you are going through this challenge so that you can minister to others based on what you experience now. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Your daughter's child is now a member of your responsibility in the Great Commission. God is placing this child in your family. God desires you to minister to that child, teach him/her about God, and lead that child into God's family.
A Christian woman we worked with recently told us that she was reluctantly but seriously considering abortion because she was uncertain about the future of her relationship with the baby's father and she was uncertain about the future economic situation. You may be feeling the same. Write down a reminder that God is with you. Post the reminder where you will see it. Write down a reminder that God provides a way through the challenges of life. Do not give in to the "quick and easy" abortion that destroys the child God has created. The future is always uncertain..this will never change. Matthew 6:34 reminds us "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." So take Godly actions today instead of sinful actions based on fear of the future.
They say, "God gives us challenging times to (1) deepen our own personal faith, (2) improve our ...long-term effectiveness, and (3) focus on our call to fulfill the Great Commission of winning the world to Christ. No matter how bad our situation... God is with His people, and He provides a way for us to find joy and contentment within the circumstance in which we find ourselves."
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage destroy your faith. Recognize this as a time to deepen your own faith. Don't cut yourself off from church, fellowship, and your personal time with God. Now is the time for more Bible study and prayer, not less. Search the Bible for verses that address the emotions you are facing. You may find it helpful to read "Daily Contentment with God" by Howard Ford, a daily devotional that shows you how the Bible has practical advice for topics like anger, fear, and depression.
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage derail your ministry. You may be like Queen Esther ... you are going through this challenge so that you can minister to others based on what you experience now. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Your daughter's child is now a member of your responsibility in the Great Commission. God is placing this child in your family. God desires you to minister to that child, teach him/her about God, and lead that child into God's family.
A Christian woman we worked with recently told us that she was reluctantly but seriously considering abortion because she was uncertain about the future of her relationship with the baby's father and she was uncertain about the future economic situation. You may be feeling the same. Write down a reminder that God is with you. Post the reminder where you will see it. Write down a reminder that God provides a way through the challenges of life. Do not give in to the "quick and easy" abortion that destroys the child God has created. The future is always uncertain..this will never change. Matthew 6:34 reminds us "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." So take Godly actions today instead of sinful actions based on fear of the future.
Friday, April 3, 2009
The outcome
Today, make an effort to not focus so much on how out of control you feel about your daughter's pregnancy outside of marriage. Just for today.
Instead, today focus on the things you do have control over: namely, how you will face Today. Your own attitude. Your own choices for the day.
What can you do today to help make today okay?
Don't beat yourself up ... treat yourself well.
Eat right.
Get some exercise.
Connect with supportive friends.
Connect with God.
Instead, today focus on the things you do have control over: namely, how you will face Today. Your own attitude. Your own choices for the day.
What can you do today to help make today okay?
Don't beat yourself up ... treat yourself well.
Eat right.
Get some exercise.
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Thursday, April 2, 2009
Supporting your spouse
When a daughter announces her pregnancy outside of marriage, you can bet that a lot of the time her mother and father will react differently from each other.
In "A Conversation with a Counselor" (March/April 2009 issue of Stepping Stones newsletter by Bethany Christian Services), author John Van Regenmorter encourages husbands and wives to consider the following:
In "A Conversation with a Counselor" (March/April 2009 issue of Stepping Stones newsletter by Bethany Christian Services), author John Van Regenmorter encourages husbands and wives to consider the following:
- Be patient with each other. Men and women are going to handle this differently. It doesn't mean that one spouse is handling it right and the other is handling it wrong; it just means that each spouse is handling it differently.
- Do not rely only on your spouse for support - that puts a lot of pressure on your marriage. You cannot expect your spouse to be everything for you throughout this entire process. Find a friend or support group to help you, or look for support online.
- Communicate with your spouse. Most men truly want to make their wives feel better. They would love to fix the situation, but they can't. Women need to tell their husbands what they can do. Men are not mind readers. Wives my need to say, "You can't fix this, but I really appreciate it when you bring me flowers, or I really appreciate it when you just give me some time by myself."
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Talking with my husband" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
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