The Chicago Tribune has an advice column called "Ask Amy". One of the recent columns was titled "Aunts feud over teen's pregnancy", which discusses the reaction that two aunts are having to a 15-year old niece's pregnancy. Emotions and reactions are almost always very strong when a teen or college student becomes pregnant.
I love what Amy says, "You and your sisters have an opportunity to mentor your niece by demonstrating the steadfastness of a strong family." The world is full of people that will be judging your entire family. Now is the time to pull together, not tear each other apart. You will each need the support of family as you cope with your daughter's pregnancy. Your family may or may not have been strong in the past. Hopefully the crisis of your daughter's pregnancy will at the very least help your family learn about supporting each other and the strength of family. You do NOT have to approve of your daughter's sexual activity in order to support her where she's at -now-. Being pregnant is not a sin in and of itself - it is how God created the female body to function. Pregnancy is a natural consequence of sexual activity. If your daughter is not married, then that sexual activity was a sin but the baby is not sinful.
In the column, Amy also says, "If you don't believe in shunning, then don't shun her." Think about this for a minute. What were your thoughts about supporting or shunning people before you discovered your single daughter was pregnant? Are you treating your daughter differently than you would treat other pregnant young women? Is sexual activity somehow different than other sins in your mind? Did you shun people for sexual activity outside marriage before your daughter became pregnant? Amy's statement reminds me of the bumper sticker that says "If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one." The sentiment behind both is similar: act out your beliefs and convictions with consistency. Don't let the fear, anger, guilt, panic and other emotions of the crisis convince you to act in a way that you would not have previously acted. If you don't believe in shunning, then don't shun. Act in a way that is consistent with your beliefs. Bring your family together to support each other, not tear each other down.
You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Forgiving my daughter" and "Forgiving unkind acquaintances" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
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