Rita, birthmother

This is the true story of a real person, brought to you by the National Council For Adoption.

Rita's story: In most situations, a woman carrying a child does not have to grapple with the decision of adoption. In most situations, a child is born into a family ready and prepared to raise the child. And in most situations, from the time the child is a newborn, parents make difficult decisions and tremendous sacrifices out of love for their children every day.

In my situation, the decision to make an adoption plan for my child was no less an act of sacrificial love. The decision came from that same desire to give my child the very best that I could, to ensure her well-being, to give her both a mother and a father, and a chance for a good future in an uncertain world. My decision was both an act of love and an act of hope; because in my situation, the best for her meant separation from me.

Parents have a duty and obligation to raise the children entrusted to them in the best way possible. And my decision to place came from the deep and powerful understanding of the awesomeness of my duty and responsibility. I did not reject her. I did not “get rid” of her. And I did not “give her up.” Rather, I lovingly created a family for her so that she could have the security, permanency, and stability that I could not guarantee.

I placed my daughter for adoption because I refused to have her grow up in the circumstances in which I was living, circumstances that I could not change at the time. Authentic parenthood requires a heroic, selfless love. I loved my daughter, I love her still, and that is why I chose adoption.

--Rita

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You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."