Eight Myths About Adoption

Bethany.org has a short article that briefly talks about eight myths about adoption:

Myth: If I loved my child, I would never consider adoption.
If you consider adoption, you may think it means you are uncaring, selfish, or don't love your child. Maybe you're afraid that other people will judge you. Mothers who explore all of their options and those who make adoption plans have the courage to put their child's needs first and to consider what plan (parenting or adoption) best meets their needs.

Myth: No one could love my child like I can.
Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love, acceptance, and the consistent nurturing that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them. Because you can choose and meet the adoptive family for your child, you can see firsthand how much they love your child.

Myth: People will think that I'm not taking responsibility for my actions.
You may think that choosing to parent is the responsible thing to do or the consequence for your unplanned pregnancy. If you're not sure that you are ready to parent, finding out what your options are and considering an adoption plan is being a responsible parent.

Myth: People think I should just move on and forget about my child.
If you make an adoption plan, you will not forget your child and you wouldn't want to. Your experience with your child becomes a part of who you are, whether you have an open adoption or not.

Myth: I will never know how my child is doing or that I made a good decision.
If you choose adoption, you may think that you'll never know how your child is or that you made the best decision that you could at that time in your life. Today's adoption offers a range of openness options so that you and the family you select build the type of relationship that you want.

Myth: I'll never get over the pain of giving up my child.
You may be frightened by the prospect of the intense sadness that comes with choosing adoption. The loss and grief cannot be denied. The reality is that adoption is full of both loss and possibility. You will never forget your child but, with time and knowing that your child is growing and thriving, your heart will heal.

Myth: A child doesn't really need a father.
Studies show that children benefit from having positive, nurturing parents who can provide both positive male and female role models. Relationships, self-esteem, and achievement can all be positively affected when a child is able to grow up in a loving home where both parents contribute to the child's development.

Myth: Adopted kids have more emotional problems than kids who aren't adopted.
Perhaps you've heard that adopted children have serious problems with drugs, alcohol, personal relationships, and mental illness-beliefs that are not supported by the research. Adopted kids may have additional issues related to identity to work through but, like other kids, most of them handle adolescence successfully, without serious problems.

======================


You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should She Make an Adoption Plan?", "Should We Adopt the Baby?", "Should They Marry?" and "Should She Parent Alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."

November is National Adoption Month. Take time to research adoption with your pregnant daughter, along with single parenting and marriage. Then, no matter which of these roads she chooses, she can feel confident that the decision was made with care and thought instead of off-handedly. When things are tough in the future (because life can be hard no matter what we choose), she can remind herself that she actively chose her road instead of saying "I wish I had considered ______."