A Letter to My Son's Parents

A Letter to My Son's Parents
By Thomas' Mother

The beach - my favorite place! I am here on vacation, sitting on the sand thinking about myself and my summer as I watch the waves come in. This has not been a usual spring or summer for me by any means!

This is one of the hardest letters I will ever have to write but I guess by the ocean is just as good a place as any to write. Especially a letter with feelings such as this which has always been hard for me to put down on paper.

I am fifteen years old. I love sports, especially football. I love music and play the piano and clarinet. I am an "A" or "B" student, was a student government officer and a head cheerleader. I guess one of the reasons I like football so much is because I have been a cheerleader for eight years. I plan to go to college and hope to enter the medical field to be a doctor. As you can see I love people and being with them.

There are many great things I want from life and many things I want for my son. My son came into this world through a relationship with a boy that I cared for very deeply. My son's father and I are the same age and went to the same school. He was co-captain of our football team and a star wrestler. He also plays golf and runs track and has won awards in both.

Today's teenage society is very different from that of my parents some twenty years ago. My son "just happened" and I want much more for him than I can give him at this time in my life. He deserves a chance for the very best that life can offer and the family life I have enjoyed so much.

Being fifteen and single doesn't eliminate the feelings of love and caring that one has for their children. I have given a lot of thought to what it would be like to try to raise my son with my family and try to finish school.

It just wouldn't be fair to my son or to me. Yet I know I will always wonder if he is all right and what he is doing. I want you to know I am very proud of my son and not ashamed of him. I feel with your love and family and because you want him so badly, you will do many of the things with him that I have enjoyed with my family such as camping, fishing, family reunions, sporting events, etc.

Loving a baby is essential and placing my son with parents who love him and want him is my way of making a mistake into something good. This is a decision I can live with better than abortion or trying to be a good parent at fifteen. I thought of adoption from the time I accepted the fact I was pregnant. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I took away a life when I knew somebody out in the world wanted a child but couldn't have one.

It was and still is very hard for me to give him up after carrying him for nine months. I held him, cuddled him, played and "talked" with him several times in the hospital. I wish I could have somehow explained things to those deep, searching blue eyes, and have him understand. Life must go on and I want more for him than shattered pieces of life like pieces of shells torn and strewn on the beach. I would like him to be as whole and complete as possible.

I named my son Thomas because he just looked like a "Tom" from the first time I saw him. I only gave him one name in case you choose to add a name that the two of you have selected or you might choose to change it completely. With your permission, I would like to know what his name will be. I'd appreciate receiving a picture of him from time to time and any information you would like to send. I just want to know he's all right and what the combination of his father and I look like. Should Thomas ever need me for medical reasons such as a kidney donor, please make every possible effort to contact me.

I would possibly like to send something special just from me. I hope from the very beginning you will tell Thomas he is adopted and a chosen child so he can grow up with that idea. I know a child, now eight years old whose parents have never told him he is adopted and each day it grows harder to tell him. I feel Thomas should always know because "normal" adolescence is hard enough without parents dropping a bomb on him.

They say time heals all wounds. I hope with time and your reassurance that he is doing fine, I can feel totally content with my decision. I want to reassure you that I won't ever try to walk into your lives now that you are a family unless you need me. My time with Tom is gone and yours is just beginning. I have made peace with myself that you two are Tom's parents now.

Next week when you come to pick up Thomas and I'll be returning to school, my thoughts and hope will be with you and your new family. I wish you all the luck and happiness that life can offer. Today with the ocean waves, Tom is in my thoughts as he always will be. From time to time I shall return to the ocean and the gulls to think of this summer and Thomas. The pain will fade as each wave does but Thomas will happily live on.

My very best wishes go with Tom.
--Thomas's Mother

November is National Adoption Month, so this blog will feature adoption throughout the month.