Thanks for stopping by our blog! You can read about previous episodes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" by clicking the label "Media" here or at the end of this post. You can watch the two most-recent episodes online here (click the tab called "Full Episode"). Here are a few points from the show, with some items to discuss with your teens.In Episode 4, Amy's dad expects Amy to love the news video of Grace being attacked in a bad part of town at midnight "because we're family. You gotta dislike who I dislike. That's called loyalty. I dislike the Bowmans, so this is funny to me and to our family." What do your teens think about this? What does loyalty mean to them? How do they think loyalty should be expressed in a family? How do they think loyalty should be expressed between friends? Share your thoughts about these questions, too.
Dad continues, "These two high-faluting church-goers have a problem child on their hands." This kind of statement expresses rejection and may contribute to your teen not being honest with you, in fear that they too will be rejected. How could you reword this type of statement so that you reject wrong behavior without rejecting the person? What do your teens think a 'problem child' means? How would you define it?
Lots of parent-child confrontation in this episode. Amy's dad confronts her about whether she knows who the shirtless guy on the video is. Amy's dad confronts Ashley about her more modest outfit, accusing her of being on drugs and of lying. Grace's parents confront her about the video of her on the news in a bad part of town, and then sneaking around to date Jack. Ricky's foster mother confronts him about being shirtless and about lying about being home. Most of the confrontations we're shown are pretty calm, without shouting. What are confrontations like at your house? What could you change to make confrontations less painful? What do you wish your kids could change to make confrontation less painful?
Amy realizes that she'll have to tell her parents she's pregnant. She feels bad about her sister Ashley getting in trouble as a way of distracting her parents from her secret. Amy's friend tells her "Be responsible - talk to your parents, and get some help."
Grace temporarily gives up being on the cheer squad because that's the punishment she came up with for lying to her parents. What kinds of consequences do your kids think would be appropriate for Grace's sneaking around and lying?
Amy's mom says to Amy, "I'm not accusing you. You're perfect. Close to perfect. Both my girls are. Although I really don't know why Ashley wants me to think she's having sex. I don't think she's having sex. ... Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter." Both parents and kids sometimes have mental images of each other that are not entirely accurate. Very few of us are actually 'close to perfect.' On the flip side, both parents and kids who behave badly likely have good qualities to them somewhere. Both kids and parents can do a better job of being realistic about the good parts and bad parts of each other. Take care not to go to extremes of either putting someone on a perfect pedestal or of putting someone in the garbage dump. Talk to your kids - how would they describe you? How would they describe themselves? How do they think you would describe them? Do your kids think you never made any mistakes growing up? Have you been afraid to express your wishes about any topics because you made a mistake in that area when you were younger? Are you willing to share with your kids (at the appropriate level of detail for their age) about mistakes you made when you were growing up? There is some value in "do as I say, not as I do"...but how can this attitude be kept in balance?
Later in the show, Amy tells her dad that Ashley is not having sex but that Ashley is covering for someone. Amy tells her dad that she had sex and he responds angrily, "You did not have sex. I know you!" Amy replies, "Dad, you don't know me! I did have sex." Her dad is stunned, but the conversation is interrupted. When we learn something new about someone we love, the shock can make us suddenly feel like we don't know that person. The revelation that your child is sexually active or pregnant can easily trigger a grief cycle. Pay attention to your feelings and give yourself the room to work through your reactions. Seek counsel.
Jack is talking to Adrian and says, "Every relationship needs a good foundation. And if our relationship was Christ, I think even you and I could make it. I want a girlfriend, a real girlfriend. And in order for you to be my girlfriend, we need more than just being physically attracted to each other." Though Jack's motives in this conversation (to make Grace jealous) are pretty rotten, he makes some interesting points. Talk to your kids about what Jack said. What is a 'real' girlfriend/boyfriend? What things make a good foundation for a relationship? How important is physical attraction in the foundation of a relationship? How much of a role does physical attraction play in your kids current dating relationships? Ask your kids what happens to a relationship as they age and looks fail? What about 'missionary' dating (a believer dating a non-believer with the motive of trying to induce faith in the non-believer)? Does it seem like a good idea? In what ways might each of the people in such a relationship be affected by the other person, and how likely are those outcomes?
Later, when Jack is picking up Adrian to go to church, Adrian tries to seduce Jack. She asks, "Didn't you have a good time last time?" He says, "Yeah, I had a great time. But it wasn't worth all the guilt and trouble it caused." Adrian says, "Everyone's going to think we're doing something so we might as well be doing something, right?" Jack replies, "Wrong. I don't care what everyone else thinks. I care what I think. I think that sex before marriage is a sin." Adrian says, "Well, aren't we all sinners? ... We'll go to confession afterwards." Jack says, "We [protestants] don't have confession.... we have guilt, shame, regret." Jack says that they could make out, but couldn't do anything more than that, "anything more than that would be a sin." Adrian asks, "What, is it in the Bible?" Jack says it is, but has no idea where. So we hear that Jack says he is feeling regret for having sex. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, "Most teens who have had sex wish they had waited. Almost 70% of teens regret having had sex as early as they did." Ask your kids if they have had sex. If so, do they feel guilt, shame or regret? Do they need counseling from a religious leader to help them process these feelings? Jack says that making out is ok. Where do your kids think they should "draw the line" in sexual activity at their age? What about when they are unmarried college students? What limits would you prefer they follow?
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy also has a discussion guide online for this episode (PDF file).
We blogged about each episode in season one: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
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