Q: In all your conversations with single mothers, what is the most common theme you hear about what they wish their baby's father would have done during their pregnancy?
A: Get a suitable job, stay at home, and off the streets. Infidelity and domestic violence, which generally begin during this period, have long-term negative consequences and usually eventually lead to breakup.
Q: What about your conversations with men — what do you hear from them about pregnancy and their involvement?
A: They want these kids, respond more favorably to the news of an unplanned pregnancy, and are determined to stay involved. They are troubled by the amount of power the mothers hold over this key resource (the kid) and the lack of power they hold.
Typically, involvement falls off slowly as mothers and fathers' romantic attachment wanes, but not because of lack of interest on the father's part. Instead, maternal gate-keeping once the mother re-partners seems to be the primary cause. A secondary cause is fathers' new partnerships and parenting roles with subsequent children, which, for men with limited resources, can crowd out commitment to past children.
Source: Interview with author Kathryn Edin in report "The First Nine Months of Fatherhood".
Talk to your pregnant daughter about this quote. What does she wish the baby's father would do during her pregnancy? In her conversations with the baby's father, in what ways does he say he wants to be involved in her pregnancy and in their child's life? What are their current plans for him to visit and care for their child?
You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
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