Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a noted international expert on child development, notes that expectant fathers often feel excluded. These feelings may show up because pregnancy is typically a time when family, friends and health care professionals focus on the mother. His pregnant partner is asked repeatedly about her health and well-being, while few people, if any, think to engage him in an authentic way about his own experience. In addition, the expectant mother has a physical connection to the developing child that excludes the father.
This exclusion very often leads to feelings of competition. The expectant father now has to compete with his partner for attention from their friends and family. He has to compete with the pregnancy for attention from his partner. Also, because his prenatal experience may sometimes feel like it is largely one of observation, the expectant father may feel as if he has to rely on his partner for information about their forming child. If not deliberately approached from a place of inclusion, this situation can set up an unhealthy power dynamic, with the mother-to-be positioned as gatekeeper of “all things baby.”
Dr. Brazelton stressed the need for prenatal health care providers to draw the father out of his isolation and engage him in the pregnancy. He sees prenatal visits as a time to expose the father to his developing baby’s heartbeat and sonogram, as well as an opportunity to ask the father questions about his worries and dreams for his baby. Dr. Brazelton recommends that practitioners show the expectant father how much his baby experiences in the womb as a way to predispose him towards later involvement in his infant’s development.
Another father-specific obstacle discussed throughout the conference is the difficulty many men have defining their role as the father in a family. Some men may have trouble because they lacked a strong father figure in their own home. Another factor may be the increasingly ambiguous role of the father as experienced in and expressed by our society. The “provider” role is still a very dominant concept in the minds of many men and women, and it is an especially daunting one for un- or underemployed expectant fathers. Fortunately, the model of an involved father continues to broaden from mere
breadwinner and disciplinarian to include coparent, teacher, and nurturer, among others.
Still, there is a perceived disconnect between expectations of masculinity and what it is to be a caring father. For instance, David Johnson, a public health advisor from the Office of Family Planning, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, stressed the need to promote healthier behaviors as expressions of manhood. Yet another barrier to prenatal paternal involvement is that the existing public programs (in general) do not focus on the family as a whole. Programs tend to serve mother and child, while some serve fathers. It is a tough transition for programs to shift to serving the family as a whole system. Mr. Johnson also underscored the need to be prepared to serve various family structures (married, separated, cohabiting). He believes that we more effectively serve fathers when we approach them through an understanding of their own realities and challenges.
One final highlighted challenge is society’s broad disregard for the importance of father
involvement during pregnancy. Expectant fathers report great difficulty taking time away from work or school to attend prenatal appointments and classes. This is typically not the case for the pregnant mother. A recent National Fatherhood Initiative survey asked 701 American fathers about the obstacles they faced to being a good father. “Work responsibilities” was the answer most frequently given. Of the respondents who were not married to their child’s mother, the most frequent obstacle reported was resistance and lack of cooperation from the mother. Whether an accurate perception or not, this information stresses the need to intervene and address the importance of father involvement from the earliest moment possible.
Source: report "The First Nine Months of Fatherhood".
You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!
No comments:
Post a Comment