Infant Feeding

Breastfeeding? Formula feeding?  Feminists for Life has a great article "Infant Feeding" that teaches you about both.  Read this article with your pregnant daughter and discuss these points from the article:

• "The American Academy of Pediatrics (www.aap.org/breastfeeding/) recommends breastfeeding newborns for at least six months. Breastfeeding helps build babies’ immune systems and promotes bonding between mother and child. Breastfeeding mothers may find it easier to lose pregnancy weight, and breastfeeding contributes to reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancer."
• "Make sure the baby is allowed to latch on to the breast within the first hour after birth, if  possible, and breastfeeding will be easier for both mother and child. While in the hospital, don’t let staff give formula or pacifiers to your newborn."  Add this to your written Birth Plan if you want the staff to follow this.
• "Check the USDA website at www.fda.gov/cdrh/breastpumps/index.html for information about pumping and storing breast milk."
• "The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends iron-fortified infant formula if you are unable to breastfeed or if your baby is weaned before 12 months or needs supplemental milk."
• "Formula feeding allows fathers, partners or other family members to participate in nourishing and nurturing the baby, encouraging one-on-one time and allowing the mother some extra rest.
  (Pumped breast milk can also be used for this purpose.)"

Does your daughter plan to breastfeed? Or to use formula?  Share your own experiences with her.  Go to several stores and compare prices for formula.  How much money could formula cost each week?

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “The Child is Born” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

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Free child safety seat for Virginia Residents

To qualify for a free child safety seat in Virginia, applicants must meet all of the following:

• Medicaid or FAMIS eligible or proof of meeting program income eligibility guidelines
• Resident of Virginia
• Parent, legal guardian, or foster parent of the child
• Last trimester of pregnancy, or provided for children seven years old or younger who fit within the program safety seat manufacturer's guidelines
• Available to attend a safety seat installation and use class
• Sign a waiver of liability release form

If you meet the above requirements you may contact your local distribution site to learn how to apply for the program. To use an interactive map to locate a distribution site where you live and learn how to apply to receive a free safety seat click here.
For more information concerning the program or for other technical assistance on child occupant protection and resource information, call 1-800-732-8333.

Maps for Dads

"Maps for New Dads" is a great brochure for the baby's father, covering both prenatal and newborn topics.  Print out a free copy and give it to the baby's father.  Use the brochure as a guideline for family talk times.  Your pregnant daughter and other family members may like a copy too so that they can participate in the discussion.

Topics covered in the brochure are:
Prenatal: Before Your Baby Is BornHow Do You Feel About Being a Dad?
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
The First Trimester
The Second Trimester
The Third Trimester
Dad Fears...There are Plenty!
Dads Make a Difference
Settling Down
Just the Facts
Get Involved and Stay Involved
Prenatal Visits: Why Are They So Important?
Making a Healthy Baby – Dad’s Part
Show Me the Money!
What You Can Do to Get Ready
What’s Up with the New Mom?
Chef Dad
What If My Baby's Mother and I Aren't Together?
What You Can Expect When the Baby Comes
Bonding With Your New Baby
Changing A Diaper!
Sleeping, Dressing, Grooming
Feeding
Crying
Never Shake a Baby
Newborn Safety
All About Cribs
Make Your House a Smoke-free Zone
Supporting Your Baby’s Mom
What Are Mommy Blues?
Make Dadhood Legal
Getting a Job and Going to School
Live Like Dad...Be There!

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Teen birth is contagious?

"Our results show that teen motherhood of the older sister has a significant positive impact on the probability that her younger sister will also have a teen birth. [The impact] is larger for siblings who are close in age, ...as we would expect any such effect to wear off as the age gap between the sisters increases. It is also higher for women from low income households where shared resources between siblings may matter more. We conclude that, within families, teen births tend to be contagious."

These conclusions are from researchers evaluating birth data from Norway during the 1960s.  So the conclusions may not be transferable to the USA of the present time.  However, the question is an interesting one.  If you have two daughters, close in age, and the elder daughter gets pregnant as a teen then it could be significantly more likely that your younger daughter will also also get pregnant as a teen.

So talk to your younger daughters about their older sister's pregnancy.  What does your younger daughter think about her older sister being pregnant?  Does your younger daughter often copy the behavior of your older daughter?  Do you need to change anything in your parenting so that your younger daughter has a reduced chance of becoming sexually active as a teen?

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Sharing with family and friends” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group! 

Health Insurance resource

A pregnant woman needs and deserves prenatal care from the moment she learns she is pregnant. The State Child Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) provides free or low-cost health insurance for children up to age 18 as well as for pregnant women.

The program is designed for families who earn too much to qualify for Medicaid but not enough to afford insurance on their own. Requirements and provisions vary by state. Check insurekidsnow.gov for links to your state’s SCHIP resources, or call 1-877-KIDSNOW (1-877-543-7669).

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “First steps to take” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Real stories: Allison Walsh

Allison Walsh, 21, was seven months pregnant and living with her 22-year-old boyfriend (Matthew Becker) and his family.  Matthew shot and killed Allison on August 12, and their unborn daughter died too.  Why did Matthew kill Allison?  His family says that Matthew was not happy that Allison was pregnant.  Allison had told her family that Matthew wanted her to abort the baby and that he had said that he would not help care for the child when it was born.  Matthew had a history of physically and verbally abusing his girlfriends.  Matthew also had a history of threatening his girlfriends with knives and guns, and was very controlling.

If your daughter's relationship to the baby's father has any similarity to the above, please help your daughter escape him and stay away from him.  Take his threats very seriously.  Get your daughter counseling for the verbal abuse so that she can stay away from him.  Talk to the police and to a lawyer about what you can do to protect your daughter and her unborn child.  Learn about domestic violence at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group! 

Real story: Troy Gaines

Troy Gaines grew up in Akron, Ohio, in the 1970’s. He grew up without his father.

Troy has painful memories of not receiving any direction from his dad about school, sports, or any other part of his life. He was a star running back for his middle school football team that won three championships. He felt like if he did well at football that his father would take an interest in his life. He has vivid memories of waiting for his father to show up after each of his football games, only to be
bitterly disappointed.

In his own words, he “wanted to lash out.” Troy turned to other people and things to fill the void that his father had left in his life. As a result, he had several run-ins with police, and starting in 2002 he spent a year at the Summit County Jail. At the time he went to prison, he was leaving behind his 22 year old girlfriend, Stacey, and their one week old son, Xavier. Troy recalls thinking that Xavier would feel the same way about him as he felt about his own dad.

It took a tragedy in Troy’s life for him to really turn the corner. While in prison, Troy learned that his girlfriend, Stacey, was murdered by guys that came to the house looking for drugs. Distraught from the loss of his girlfriend, Troy realized he needed help on what it means to be a man and father. He had a renewed determination to be there for his son in ways that his father was not there for him. He was committed to breaking the vicious cycle of father absence.

It was at that point that he turned to a man named Frank Williams, who was leading the InsideOut Dad™ program, which is helping inmate fathers throughout the country reconnect with their children before they are released. Troy had asked Frank for help on how to be a better man and father, and Frank was more than willing to answer that call. (Frank leads the Man2Man Fatherhood Building Program in Akron, Ohio.)

Troy knew he was in the right place when he joined the InsideOut Dad™ program and became part of a community of men that could support, encourage, and challenge each other to be better fathers, even while incarcerated. Troy remarked, “The [National] Fatherhood Initiative program [InsideOut Dad™] helped me to realize you have to make some changes in your life because what you’re doing is going to affect your boy.”

When Troy was released from prison, his first two goals were to find a job and connect with his one year old son. Now that Xavier is 8 years old, Troy is committed to helping him with homework and football, the very things he desperately wanted from his own dad. In fact, Troy tries to attend every game and practice that Xavier has. The impact of Troy’s involvement in Xavier’s life can best be seen
when talking to Xavier.

“With my dad at my games, I feel better and I care more. I love him a lot because he is a very good dad. If you make a mistake, he’ll make you keep going and going and… make you lift your head up.”

Troy knows there is a lot at stake in what type of father he is to Xavier. “Kids do exactly what they see their parents do. If I didn’t straighten up how I did, he would probably follow in my footsteps because he wanted to be like me.”

Troy tells Xavier at least five times a day that he loves him.  We can tell that Xavier knows it when he says, “My dad loves me and would do anything for me.”

Troy’s moving story is featured in a video that was released as part of the Connections Project, an initiative to train practitioners around the country on how to better serve fathers in a corrections setting. To view the video of Troy’s story, please visit www.connectionsproject.org. The Connections Project is being funded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance, a component of the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice.

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group! 

Challenges faced by the baby's father

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a noted international expert on child development, notes that expectant fathers often feel excluded. These feelings may show up because pregnancy is typically a time when family, friends and health care professionals focus on the mother.  His pregnant partner is asked repeatedly about her health and well-being, while few people, if any, think to engage him in an authentic way about his own experience. In addition, the expectant mother has a physical connection to the developing child that excludes the father.

This exclusion very often leads to feelings of competition. The expectant father now has to compete with his partner for attention from their friends and family. He has to compete with the pregnancy for attention from his partner. Also, because his prenatal experience may sometimes feel like it is largely one of observation, the expectant father may feel as if he has to rely on his partner for information about their forming child. If not deliberately approached from a place of inclusion, this situation can set up an unhealthy power dynamic, with the mother-to-be positioned as gatekeeper of “all things baby.”

Dr. Brazelton stressed the need for prenatal health care providers to draw the father out of his isolation and engage him in the pregnancy. He sees prenatal visits as a time to expose the father to his  developing baby’s heartbeat and sonogram, as well as an opportunity to ask the father questions about his worries and dreams for his baby. Dr. Brazelton recommends that practitioners show the expectant father how much his baby experiences in the womb as a way to predispose him towards later involvement in his infant’s development.

Another father-specific obstacle discussed throughout the conference is the difficulty many men have defining their role as the father in a family. Some men may have trouble because they lacked a strong father figure in their own home.  Another factor may be the increasingly ambiguous role of the father as experienced in and expressed by our society. The “provider” role is still a very dominant concept in the minds of many men and women, and it is an especially daunting one for un- or underemployed expectant fathers. Fortunately, the model of an involved father continues to broaden from mere
breadwinner and disciplinarian to include coparent, teacher, and nurturer, among others.

Still, there is a perceived disconnect between expectations of masculinity and what it is to be a caring father. For instance, David Johnson, a public health advisor from the Office of Family Planning, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, stressed the need to promote healthier behaviors as expressions of manhood. Yet another barrier to prenatal paternal involvement is that the existing public programs (in general) do not focus on the family as a whole. Programs tend to serve mother and child, while some serve fathers. It is a tough transition for programs to shift to serving the family as a whole system. Mr. Johnson also underscored the need to be prepared to serve various family structures (married, separated, cohabiting). He believes that we more effectively serve fathers when we approach them through an understanding of their own realities and challenges.

One final highlighted challenge is society’s broad disregard for the importance of father
involvement during pregnancy. Expectant fathers report great difficulty taking time away from work or school to attend prenatal appointments and classes. This is typically not the case for the pregnant mother. A recent National Fatherhood Initiative survey asked 701 American fathers about the obstacles they faced to being a good father. “Work responsibilities” was the answer most frequently given. Of the respondents who were not married to their child’s mother, the most frequent obstacle reported was resistance and lack of cooperation from the mother.  Whether an accurate perception or not, this information stresses the need to intervene and address the importance of father involvement from the earliest moment possible.

Source: report "The First Nine Months of Fatherhood".

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group! 

What men and women want from each other during pregnancy

Q: In all your conversations with single mothers, what is the most common theme you hear about what they wish their baby's father would have done during their pregnancy?
A: Get a suitable job, stay at home, and off the streets. Infidelity and domestic violence, which generally begin during this period, have long-term negative consequences and usually eventually lead to breakup.

Q: What about your conversations with men — what do you hear from them about pregnancy and their involvement?
A: They want these kids, respond more favorably to the news of an unplanned pregnancy, and are determined to stay involved. They are troubled by the amount of power the mothers hold over this key resource (the kid) and the lack of power they hold.

Typically, involvement falls off slowly as mothers and fathers' romantic attachment wanes, but not because of lack of interest on the father's part. Instead, maternal gate-keeping once the mother re-partners seems to be the primary cause. A secondary cause is fathers' new partnerships and parenting roles with subsequent children, which, for men with limited resources, can crowd out commitment to past children.

Source: Interview with author Kathryn Edin in report "The First Nine Months of Fatherhood".

Talk to your pregnant daughter about this quote.  What does she wish the baby's father would do during her pregnancy?  In her conversations with the baby's father, in what ways does he say he wants to be involved in her pregnancy and in their child's life?  What are their current plans for him to visit and care for their child?

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group! 

Father involvement after birth

Unless the baby's father is physically dangerous, consider how he might be involved in the life of your daughter's child in some way.  With your pregnant daughter, talk about three categories in which the baby's father could be involved:

1) Engagement with their child: direct interaction with their child.  For example, will the baby's father participate in caregiving tasks, such as preparing food, feeding their child, putting the child to bed, and playing with their child?
2) Availability / Accessibility: the amount of time that the father is available to the child for interaction and the amount of time that the father is accessible to the child, for example, nearby but not interacting with the child.
3) Responsibility: taking charge of meeting the child’s needs for supervision, basic welfare, and health care. 

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

If the baby's father will absolutely not be involved in the child's life, who in your family will pledge to be a substitute father?  If no one is available or able to make this commitment, would adoption into a man/woman married family be beneficial to both your daughter and her child?

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!

Father involvement during pregnancy is important

Children in homes without fathers are roughly five times more likely to be poor and are twice as likely to drop out of school. Conversely, children with positive father involvement have fewer behavior problems and higher levels of sociability, and perform better in school.

While you may not want the father of your daughter's child to be around, recent research suggests that father involvement during pregnancy affects multiple areas of child and family well-being, from prenatal care initiation and mother and child health outcomes, to the likelihood that the father will provide ongoing financial and emotional support (Source: Report titled "The First Nine Months of Fatherhood").

• Women with involved partners are 40% more likely to receive prenatal care in their first trimester than were those without an involved partner.
• Pregnant smokers with involved partners reduced their cigarette consumption 36% more than those whose partners were not involved.
• Fathers who were involved during the pregnancy were more likely to establish paternity at the hospital and to continue to provide emotional and economic support to their child.
• Couples with positive prenatal father involvement were more likely to be together three years after the child’s birth.
• Expectant fathers can be influential advocates for breastfeeding, playing a critical role in encouraging a mother to breastfeed the couple’s newborn infant.
• Involving the father during the pregnancy increases his understanding of his child and the mother, which may help prevent violence.

So unless the baby's father is physically dangerous, talk about whether he could be involved with your daughter's pregnancy in the following ways:

1. Can he attend a doctor visit with your daughter
2. Can he be present during an ultrasound of their child
3. Can he listen to their child's heartbeat
4. Can he spend time talking to their child in the womb
5. Can he discuss the progress of pregnancy with your daughter
6. Can he buy things their child will need shortly after birth

You may find it helpful to read the chapters “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?” and "The importance of a father" in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!

Real Stories: Michael Rice, Father and Student

Watch this video of Michael Rice, father of two children and a student at Ivy Tech Community College in Indiana.  He talks about being a parent and a student, and how his priorities had to change.



Talk to your pregnant daughter about some of Michael's points:

• The responsibilities that come with being a parent mean that you have to increase the amount of work you do to be successful as a student.  He talks about how he used to just wake up and dress himself, but now as a parent he has to get the children ready for the day and then deliver them to childcare or school before he can start his own day. Then, after school, he has to get the children fed and spend time with them before he can start his own homework.  With your pregnant daughter, write out a detailed schedule of a typical day for after her child is born.  What time will she need to wake up in order to take care of her baby before heading off to school or her job?  When will she be able to study?  Would an adoption plan help her accomplish her educational goals?
• Michael says that he does not regret having children, and that being a parent made him reset his priorities.  He says that children go to the top of his priority list and everything else gets bumped down.  With your pregnant daughter, write a list of her priorities before she became pregnant.  Then write a list of her current priorities as a pregnant woman.  Then write a list of her expected priorities after her child is born.  Talk about the changes that have occurred and will occur in her priorities.  How does she feel about these changes?  What ideas can you both brainstorm to help make the transitions easier?
• Michael says that part of being a parent is establishing a firm foundation for the children: medically, financially, and how you want them raised.  Talk to your pregnant daughter about these areas.  What foundation will she be able to give them medically, financially, and in how she plans to parent?  Would an adoption plan give her child a firmer foundation than she is able to provide?
• Finally, Michael says "Your life is not over because you become a parent.  You just might have to work a little harder than you would have, and be a lot more focused, but it's not impossible."  Ask your pregnant daughter how she feels about this quote.  Is she feeling overwhelmed?  How can she break the tasks ahead of her into more manageable tasks?  

You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Completing School" and “Should she make an adoption plan?” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Community College students and parenting

61% of women who have children after enrolling in community college fail to finish their degree.

Nearly half (48%) of community college students have ever been pregnant or have gotten someone pregnant.

15% of all community college students are single parents.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about these statistics from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy curriculum for community colleges.

If she chooses to attend community college, she may have a higher level of emotional support from her classmates because they are more likely to be parents themselves.  However, every parent faces challenges when trying to attend school and be a parent at the same time (not to mention employment!).  Brainstorm with your pregnant daughter about how she can finish her degree instead of dropping out.  What creative solutions can you both come up with?

You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Completing School" and “Should she make an adoption plan?” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Have some ideas/solutions to share with us? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!