Bethany Christian Services has the following list of adoption questions to discuss with your pregnant daughter. She may still be exploring her options, or she may have already selected an option. Talk about adoption anyway, so that when parenting is tough you can both say that you thoroughly explored every option and made an informed choice. Play a what-if game: what-if your pregnant daughter were exploring adoption as an option...talk about these topics:
How can adoption be a good choice for my baby and me?
If you're not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. Ask your pregnant daughter what qualities, skills, and assets she thinks it takes to be a parent. What parenting skills does she already possess? What parenting skills does she not yet have? Does she have all the parenting qualities she would want to be a good parent? What assets does she have (job, education, saved money, insurance, committed relationship, etc.), and what assets does she currently lack?
Can I choose the family for my baby?
Yes! Most agencies have many adoptive couples who have been studied and approved. You might also want to choose a friend or someone who has been recommended to you. Maybe there's someone in your extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) who would be a good family for her baby? What qualities and assets would be on her wish-list if she were going to look for an adoptive couple?
How much contact can I have with my baby after the birth and after adoption?
You can spend as much time with your baby at the hospital as you choose. When you are planning your child's adoption, you can choose an open adoption plan that allows ongoing visits, or you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed through letters and photos. If you prefer not to have any contact, confidential adoption is also possible. You and your pregnant daughter may have already decided against adoption. But talk about this anyway. Play a what-if game. What-if you were exploring adoption, how much contact would she want with her child?
How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child's placement depends on your preference, legal aspects, and the role of the birthfather. Many mothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital, while other mothers choose interim care while they consider their adoption decision. How soon would your pregnant daughter want her child to be placed with her chosen couple?
How much will my child know about me?
Regardless of the type of adoption plan, you will want to provide a thorough social and medical history for your child. If you develop an adoption plan that includes ongoing contact, your child will know about you directly. Even if your pregnant daughter is not considering adoption, sit down with her and write out her social history and her medical history. If she were to consider adoption, what other things would she like her child to know about her?
Does the expectant father have any rights?
Both you and the expectant father have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with him and/or the courts to determine his rights. What is the status of your daughter's relationship with her child's father? If he is still involved with her, what are his thoughts on adoption?
Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
Searching may only be necessary if there has not been ongoing contact. The law in your state determines when and how your child may access the information in the adoption file, which your caseworker can explain.
How can I be sure that my child will be well cared for?
There are standards that every prospective adoptive family must meet which are set by both the agency and the state in which they live. Families are thoroughly assessed before being approved for adoption, and a caseworker will make visits to the adoptive family after placement to ensure your child's well-being.
Do I need an attorney, or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
In many states, you will not need an attorney, and most agencies provide services to you at no cost. If you do need an attorney, usually those costs are paid by the adoptive family.
Can I get help with medical and living expenses while I'm making an adoption plan?
Assistance with medical and living expenses is available through many agencies. For details about how your agency can help you in your particular circumstances, contact your caseworker.
You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should they marry?", "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Attitudes About Marriage
A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"The median age at first marriage in 1960 was 20 for women, by 2006, the median age had risen to 26. Men marry later than do women, with a median first marriage age of 23 in 1960 and 28 in 2006."
"83% of unmarried respondents reported that they thought it was important or very important to be married someday, compared with 5% who considered it unimportant and 12% who felt it was only somewhat important."
But only 26% of young adults surveyed said that they would like to be married right NOW. 44% of young adults in cohabiting relationships reported that they would currently like to be married.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. What are their thoughts about marriage? At what age would they like to be married? Are they currently in a relationship that could lead to marriage? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Should they marry?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" and discuss it with your pregnant daughter.
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"The median age at first marriage in 1960 was 20 for women, by 2006, the median age had risen to 26. Men marry later than do women, with a median first marriage age of 23 in 1960 and 28 in 2006."
"83% of unmarried respondents reported that they thought it was important or very important to be married someday, compared with 5% who considered it unimportant and 12% who felt it was only somewhat important."
But only 26% of young adults surveyed said that they would like to be married right NOW. 44% of young adults in cohabiting relationships reported that they would currently like to be married.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. What are their thoughts about marriage? At what age would they like to be married? Are they currently in a relationship that could lead to marriage? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Should they marry?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" and discuss it with your pregnant daughter.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
To "Let Go" Takes Love
To "Let Go" Takes Love (Author Unknown)
To "Let Go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To "Let Go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another.
To "Let Go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "Let Go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "Let Go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To "Let Go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "Let Go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "Let Go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "Let Go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "Let Go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To "Let Go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "Let Go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To "Let Go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
To "Let Go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To "Let Go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "Let Go" is to fear less and to love more.
To "Let Go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To "Let Go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another.
To "Let Go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "Let Go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "Let Go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To "Let Go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "Let Go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "Let Go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "Let Go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "Let Go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To "Let Go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "Let Go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To "Let Go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
To "Let Go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To "Let Go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "Let Go" is to fear less and to love more.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
8 Myths and Realities About Adoption
November is Adoption Awareness Month. Discuss the following information with your pregnant daughter, even if you and/or she currently are not even considering adoption.
8 Myths and Realities About Adoption, by Adoptive Families Magazine.\
Facts:
As of the 2000 Census, there were 1.5 million children under the age of 18 in America who joined their family through adoption, 2% of all children in the U.S.
In the U.S., there are 5 million people today who were adopted. More than 100,000 children are adopted each year.
94% of all Americans view adoption favorably.
Myth: Birthparents are all troubled teens.
Reality: Most birthparents today are over 18, but lack the resources to care for a child. It is generally with courage and love for their child that they terminate their parental rights.
Myth: Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children.
Reality: Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning between them.
Myth: Open adoption causes problems for children.
Reality: Adoptees are not confused by contact with their birthparents. They benefit from the increased understanding that their birthparents gave them life but their forever families take care of and nurture them.
Myth: Parents can’t love an adopted child as much as they would a biological child.
Reality: Love and attachment are not the result of nor guaranteed by biology. The intensity of bonding and depth of emotion are the same, regardless of how the child joined the family.
8 Myths and Realities About Adoption, by Adoptive Families Magazine.\
Facts:
As of the 2000 Census, there were 1.5 million children under the age of 18 in America who joined their family through adoption, 2% of all children in the U.S.
In the U.S., there are 5 million people today who were adopted. More than 100,000 children are adopted each year.
94% of all Americans view adoption favorably.
Myth: Birthparents are all troubled teens.
Reality: Most birthparents today are over 18, but lack the resources to care for a child. It is generally with courage and love for their child that they terminate their parental rights.
Myth: Adopted children are more likely to be troubled than birth children.
Reality: Research shows that adoptees are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers. There is virtually no difference in psychological functioning between them.
Myth: Open adoption causes problems for children.
Reality: Adoptees are not confused by contact with their birthparents. They benefit from the increased understanding that their birthparents gave them life but their forever families take care of and nurture them.
Myth: Parents can’t love an adopted child as much as they would a biological child.
Reality: Love and attachment are not the result of nor guaranteed by biology. The intensity of bonding and depth of emotion are the same, regardless of how the child joined the family.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Attitudes About Cohabitation
A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"According to national estimates, the proportion of women that had cohabited by their late thirties has steadily increased from 30 percent in 1987, to almost 50 percent in 1995, to 61 percent by 2002."
The survey asked the question, "It is all right for an unmarried couple to live together even if they are not interested in considering marriage." 57% of survey respondants agreed with this statement, 19% were neutral, and 24% disagreed. 46% of married young adults agreed, 70% of young adults currently cohabiting agreed, 59% of those in a relationship but not living together agreed, and 60% of those not in any relationship agreed.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and family about these statistics. What are your opinions about marriage and cohabitation? What does your family think and why?
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"According to national estimates, the proportion of women that had cohabited by their late thirties has steadily increased from 30 percent in 1987, to almost 50 percent in 1995, to 61 percent by 2002."
The survey asked the question, "It is all right for an unmarried couple to live together even if they are not interested in considering marriage." 57% of survey respondants agreed with this statement, 19% were neutral, and 24% disagreed. 46% of married young adults agreed, 70% of young adults currently cohabiting agreed, 59% of those in a relationship but not living together agreed, and 60% of those not in any relationship agreed.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and family about these statistics. What are your opinions about marriage and cohabitation? What does your family think and why?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Attitudes About A Successful Relationship
A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"The Add Health survey identifies four elements that may serve as barometers of the relationship quality of couples between the ages of 20 and 24: love, fidelity, lifelong commitment, and having enough money. Respondents rated the importance of these elements for a successful relationship using a 1-10 scale in which 1 indicates not important at all and 10 indicates very important."
81% of men and 91% of women responding to the survey agreed that love is a very important component of a successful relationship. Similarly, 85% of men and 93% of women said that being faithful is very important. 72% of men and 82% of women said that making a lifelong committment is very important to a successful relationship. "More than 90% of married respondants said that they regarded love and fidelity as important elements of a relationship."
Only 26% of men and 21% of women said that having enough money is very important to a successful relationship. "Young adults who were cohabiting were somewhat more likely to feel that having enough money was a very important element of a successful relationship." In my experience, not having enough money is a main reason why pregnant couples say they couldn't possibly get married. Maybe money isn't as important to their long-term relationship as they think it is.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. How important do they think that love, being faithful, and making a lifelong committment are to a successful relationship?
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
"The Add Health survey identifies four elements that may serve as barometers of the relationship quality of couples between the ages of 20 and 24: love, fidelity, lifelong commitment, and having enough money. Respondents rated the importance of these elements for a successful relationship using a 1-10 scale in which 1 indicates not important at all and 10 indicates very important."
81% of men and 91% of women responding to the survey agreed that love is a very important component of a successful relationship. Similarly, 85% of men and 93% of women said that being faithful is very important. 72% of men and 82% of women said that making a lifelong committment is very important to a successful relationship. "More than 90% of married respondants said that they regarded love and fidelity as important elements of a relationship."
Only 26% of men and 21% of women said that having enough money is very important to a successful relationship. "Young adults who were cohabiting were somewhat more likely to feel that having enough money was a very important element of a successful relationship." In my experience, not having enough money is a main reason why pregnant couples say they couldn't possibly get married. Maybe money isn't as important to their long-term relationship as they think it is.
Talk to your pregnant daughter and your family about these statistics. How important do they think that love, being faithful, and making a lifelong committment are to a successful relationship?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Types of Young Adult Relationships
A Child Trends Research Brief from July 2009 was titled "Young Adult Attitudes About Relationships and Marriage: Times May Have Changed, But Expectations Remain High".
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
Survey results show that 76% of young adults (ages 20-24) were in a romantic relationship of some sort: 35% said they were dating but not living together, 21% were married, and 20% were cohabitating.
Nearly 90% of the survey respondants said that they had had sexual intercourse at some point. If we subtract the 21% who are married (because I hope they have a healthy sexual relationship!), then 69% of young adults surveyed who are not married have had sex. The Brief says "The vast majority of young adults have had sexual intercourse", referring to the 90% figure, but they are casually including the married young adults in order to make this number look so huge!
This Brief discusses data from a survey of U.S. students who were in 7th-12th grade during the years 1994-1995. This survey was a follow-up, conducted in 2001-2002 and had responses from 11,988 young adults between the ages of 20 and 24.
Survey results show that 76% of young adults (ages 20-24) were in a romantic relationship of some sort: 35% said they were dating but not living together, 21% were married, and 20% were cohabitating.
Nearly 90% of the survey respondants said that they had had sexual intercourse at some point. If we subtract the 21% who are married (because I hope they have a healthy sexual relationship!), then 69% of young adults surveyed who are not married have had sex. The Brief says "The vast majority of young adults have had sexual intercourse", referring to the 90% figure, but they are casually including the married young adults in order to make this number look so huge!
Monday, November 2, 2009
One Flaw In Women
I got this in email today and found it inspirational. I hope you do to.
Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Keep healthy during flu season
Remember these simple tips:
1) Wash your hands. Especially before you eat. Use soap and rub for 30 seconds before rinsing.
2) Avoid touching your face.
3) Cover your cough with the crook of your elbow, not your hands.
4) Avoid sick people.
If you get the flu:
1) Stay at home and get rest. The CDC recommends you stay home for 24 hours AFTER your fever is gone.
2) Stay hydrated with water, broth, or drinks like gatorade.
3) Know when to seek emergency medical care. Warning signs include: fast breathing or trouble breathing; bluish or gray skin color; dehydration symptoms such as dizziness when standing, absence of urination; Severe or persistent vomiting; flu symptoms that improve but then return with a fever and worse cough.
1) Wash your hands. Especially before you eat. Use soap and rub for 30 seconds before rinsing.
2) Avoid touching your face.
3) Cover your cough with the crook of your elbow, not your hands.
4) Avoid sick people.
If you get the flu:
1) Stay at home and get rest. The CDC recommends you stay home for 24 hours AFTER your fever is gone.
2) Stay hydrated with water, broth, or drinks like gatorade.
3) Know when to seek emergency medical care. Warning signs include: fast breathing or trouble breathing; bluish or gray skin color; dehydration symptoms such as dizziness when standing, absence of urination; Severe or persistent vomiting; flu symptoms that improve but then return with a fever and worse cough.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Who is the pregnant teen?
Results of new public opinion polling show that 67% of adults believe that most teen mothers are from homes below the federal poverty level. Fully 70% of adults surveyed believe that most teen mothers come from single parents homes.New, first-of-its-kind analysis of existing research conducted for The National Campaign by Child Trends makes clear that both perceptions are incorrect:
Only 28% of those who report having given birth or fathered a child as a teen lived in families with incomes below the federal poverty line.
Seven in ten (72%) lived in families above the federal poverty level (31% at 100-199% of poverty and 41% at 200% or more of poverty).
Just 30% of those who report having given birth to or fathered a child as a teen say said they were living with a single parent.
Four in ten (39%) say they lived with both biological parents and 19% reported living with one biological and one step parent.
Only 28% of those who report having given birth or fathered a child as a teen lived in families with incomes below the federal poverty line.
Seven in ten (72%) lived in families above the federal poverty level (31% at 100-199% of poverty and 41% at 200% or more of poverty).
Just 30% of those who report having given birth to or fathered a child as a teen say said they were living with a single parent.
Four in ten (39%) say they lived with both biological parents and 19% reported living with one biological and one step parent.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Alicia's Story
In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Alicia tells her story:
Before I tell you my story, I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my actions. I’m not blaming anyone but me for the choices I made in my life. But that wasn’t how I felt that April night when I came home from work.
I came home that night feeling as if something was not right with my body. I continued questioning myself, “What could it be?” I sat down in the living room and just cried. I felt as if it really did not matter what was wrong because I did not have anyone to listen to me. Out of habit and without even thinking about it, I turned on the TV. And almost as soon as I did, a commercial for a home pregnancy test came on.
Hearing this ad raised a question in my mind. “Could this be what was wrong with me? No, I could not be pregnant.” I did not want to even think about it. So I bought a kit with two pregnancy tests and took the first test ... pregnant. Hoping I’d done something wrong, I took the second test ... pregnant.
Feeling terribly alone and extremely guilty, my mind filled with questions. “How could I be a mother? How could I provide a home for a baby?” I had to get out of my apartment. I left and went to talk to a friend. I know that my friend meant well. However, he was too busy working on his jeep to really have anything to say about my situation. He just kept saying, “Are you sure? Do you know who the father is?” Talking with him only made things worse.
I turned the TV back on. And that’s when I heard a young woman’s voice saying: “If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have options. You don’t have to be alone. Call 1-800-395-HELP. Our services are totally confidential and free. If you’re pregnant, call now. There is help.” I couldn’t believe my ears. It was as if God had arranged things just so I heard that ad at the very moment when I most needed some hope.
Grace. That’s what moved me to respond to that young woman’s voice.
The name of the woman at the Option Line contact center who took my call was Megan. But for me that night, Megan was an angel from heaven.
She understood what I was going through because she’d had a crisis pregnancy herself. She was kind and not in the least judgmental. And she gave me the information and encouragement I needed...especially about adoption since that’s the option Megan chose for her baby. But most of all...Megan gave me hope. So when she asked if I wanted her to connect me to a local crisis pregnancy center’s 24-hour hotline, I said yes...and a moment later I was talking with a trained volunteer and making an appointment to come in for a consultation the very next day.
I met with a volunteer named Peggy and I talked for a long time. I poured out my heart to her. I was so afraid. I was sure that neither my father nor my boyfriend would support me. I told Peggy I would probably lose my job because my company has a “no fraternization” policy, and my boyfriend and I work for the same company. I talked for what seemed like forever...and Peggy listened.
Finally, after I’d talked myself out, Peggy took my hands in hers, looked me in the eye and told me she was there to help me. You can’t imagine how I felt at the sound of those words. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Peggy assured me that I was not alone. She said she would be with me every step of the way. And then she prayed with me. After that, Peggy said that before she and I could address the changes I needed to make in my life, the first thing I needed to do was make sure I was pregnant. So I agreed to come back to the center’s medical clinic for an ultrasound.
Almost immediately after leaving the clinic, I called my mother at work. I just straightened my voice and said, “Mom, please don’t hate me...I’m pregnant.” As soon as the words came out, the tears started flowing again. All I could hear my mom say is that everything would be okay and that she was my mom and she was here to support me.
I am grateful to God for my mom. She did not abandon me. In fact, she came with me when I went in for my [second] sonogram. I am so thankful she did. I saw my baby’s heart beating on the screen, and my mother and I began to weep. Then the nurse showed us the images of my baby.
This past December – thanks to God – I gave birth to my baby girl. Her name is Alexis Jean...and she is the light of my life. If it hadn’t been for Heartbeat, I don’t know how I would have gotten by.
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Before I tell you my story, I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my actions. I’m not blaming anyone but me for the choices I made in my life. But that wasn’t how I felt that April night when I came home from work.
I came home that night feeling as if something was not right with my body. I continued questioning myself, “What could it be?” I sat down in the living room and just cried. I felt as if it really did not matter what was wrong because I did not have anyone to listen to me. Out of habit and without even thinking about it, I turned on the TV. And almost as soon as I did, a commercial for a home pregnancy test came on.
Hearing this ad raised a question in my mind. “Could this be what was wrong with me? No, I could not be pregnant.” I did not want to even think about it. So I bought a kit with two pregnancy tests and took the first test ... pregnant. Hoping I’d done something wrong, I took the second test ... pregnant.
Feeling terribly alone and extremely guilty, my mind filled with questions. “How could I be a mother? How could I provide a home for a baby?” I had to get out of my apartment. I left and went to talk to a friend. I know that my friend meant well. However, he was too busy working on his jeep to really have anything to say about my situation. He just kept saying, “Are you sure? Do you know who the father is?” Talking with him only made things worse.
I turned the TV back on. And that’s when I heard a young woman’s voice saying: “If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have options. You don’t have to be alone. Call 1-800-395-HELP. Our services are totally confidential and free. If you’re pregnant, call now. There is help.” I couldn’t believe my ears. It was as if God had arranged things just so I heard that ad at the very moment when I most needed some hope.
Grace. That’s what moved me to respond to that young woman’s voice.
The name of the woman at the Option Line contact center who took my call was Megan. But for me that night, Megan was an angel from heaven.
She understood what I was going through because she’d had a crisis pregnancy herself. She was kind and not in the least judgmental. And she gave me the information and encouragement I needed...especially about adoption since that’s the option Megan chose for her baby. But most of all...Megan gave me hope. So when she asked if I wanted her to connect me to a local crisis pregnancy center’s 24-hour hotline, I said yes...and a moment later I was talking with a trained volunteer and making an appointment to come in for a consultation the very next day.
I met with a volunteer named Peggy and I talked for a long time. I poured out my heart to her. I was so afraid. I was sure that neither my father nor my boyfriend would support me. I told Peggy I would probably lose my job because my company has a “no fraternization” policy, and my boyfriend and I work for the same company. I talked for what seemed like forever...and Peggy listened.
Finally, after I’d talked myself out, Peggy took my hands in hers, looked me in the eye and told me she was there to help me. You can’t imagine how I felt at the sound of those words. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Peggy assured me that I was not alone. She said she would be with me every step of the way. And then she prayed with me. After that, Peggy said that before she and I could address the changes I needed to make in my life, the first thing I needed to do was make sure I was pregnant. So I agreed to come back to the center’s medical clinic for an ultrasound.
Almost immediately after leaving the clinic, I called my mother at work. I just straightened my voice and said, “Mom, please don’t hate me...I’m pregnant.” As soon as the words came out, the tears started flowing again. All I could hear my mom say is that everything would be okay and that she was my mom and she was here to support me.
I am grateful to God for my mom. She did not abandon me. In fact, she came with me when I went in for my [second] sonogram. I am so thankful she did. I saw my baby’s heart beating on the screen, and my mother and I began to weep. Then the nurse showed us the images of my baby.
This past December – thanks to God – I gave birth to my baby girl. Her name is Alexis Jean...and she is the light of my life. If it hadn’t been for Heartbeat, I don’t know how I would have gotten by.
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
October is "Let's talk" month
The National Campaign to prevent teen and unplanned pregnancy reminds parents that October is "Let's talk" month, and encourages parents to have lots of little talks about sex and relationships, not one big talk. Here are Ten Tips they offer to parents:
1) Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes. Communicating with your children about sex, love, and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your attitudes and values, think about the following kinds of questions:
What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active - and perhaps even becoming parents?
Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done, realistically?
Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues?
What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex?
What do you think about teenagers using contraception?
2. Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific. Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open, and respectful. If you can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in movies as conversation starters. Tell kids candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too.
Here are questions that kids say they want you to talk to them about:
How do I know if I'm in love?
Will sex bring me closer to my girlfriend/boyfriend?
How will I know when I'm ready to have sex?
Should I wait until marriage?
Will having sex make me popular?
Will it make me more grown-up and open up more adult activities to me?
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex without losing him or hurting his feelings?
How do I manage pressure from my girlfriend to have sex?
How does contraception work?
Can you get pregnant the first time?
Be a parent with a point of view. Tell your children what you think. Don't be reluctant to say, for example:
I think kids in high school are too young to have sex, especially given today's risks.
Our family's religion says that sex should be an expression of love within marriage.
Finding yourself in a sexually charged situation is not unusual; you need to think about how you'll handle it in advance. Have a plan. Will you say "no"?
It's okay to think about sex and to feel sexual desire. Everybody does! But it's not okay to get pregnant/get somebody pregnant as a teenager.
One of the many reasons I'm concerned about teens drinking is that it often leads to unprotected sex.
(For boys) Having a baby doesn't make you a man. Being able to wait and acting responsibly does.
(For girls) You don't have to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If sex is the price of a close relationship, find someone else.
3. Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you don't get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but are also engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids' whereabouts doesn't make you a nag; it makes you a parent.
4. Know your children's friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children's friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child's friends share rather than one that makes him or her different - but even if your views don't match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children's friends into your home and talk to them openly.
5. Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating. Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about your strong feelings about this throughout childhood - don't wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don't like the particular person or invitation.
6. Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is. And don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl - sometimes they even have money and a car to boot. But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl. Try setting a limit of no more than a two- (or at most three-) year age difference. The power differences between younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex and sex with no protection.
7. Help your teenagers have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appears bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Tell them, for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming pregnant - or causing pregnancy - can derail the best of plans; for example, child care expenses can make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults.
8. Let your kids know that you value education highly. Encourage your children to take school seriously and to set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early if things aren't going well. Keep track of your children's grades and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to part-time jobs (20 hours per week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked.
9. Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to. The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be "media literate" - think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to.You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions, and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment.
10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from an early age. Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help:
Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of affection should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement.
Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do.
Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests, not just yours. Shared experiences build a "bank account" of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with them about specific topics, including sexual behavior.
Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend their sports events; learn about their hobbies; be enthusiastic about their achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want to know what is going on in their lives.
Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. Don't compare your teenager with other family members (i.e., why can't you be like your older sister?).
Show that you expect courtesy and respect from them in return.
Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by doing something well.
Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation.
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Restoring Sexual Integrity" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
1) Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes. Communicating with your children about sex, love, and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your attitudes and values, think about the following kinds of questions:
What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active - and perhaps even becoming parents?
Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done, realistically?
Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues?
What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex?
What do you think about teenagers using contraception?
2. Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific. Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open, and respectful. If you can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in movies as conversation starters. Tell kids candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too.
Here are questions that kids say they want you to talk to them about:
How do I know if I'm in love?
Will sex bring me closer to my girlfriend/boyfriend?
How will I know when I'm ready to have sex?
Should I wait until marriage?
Will having sex make me popular?
Will it make me more grown-up and open up more adult activities to me?
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex without losing him or hurting his feelings?
How do I manage pressure from my girlfriend to have sex?
How does contraception work?
Can you get pregnant the first time?
Be a parent with a point of view. Tell your children what you think. Don't be reluctant to say, for example:
I think kids in high school are too young to have sex, especially given today's risks.
Our family's religion says that sex should be an expression of love within marriage.
Finding yourself in a sexually charged situation is not unusual; you need to think about how you'll handle it in advance. Have a plan. Will you say "no"?
It's okay to think about sex and to feel sexual desire. Everybody does! But it's not okay to get pregnant/get somebody pregnant as a teenager.
One of the many reasons I'm concerned about teens drinking is that it often leads to unprotected sex.
(For boys) Having a baby doesn't make you a man. Being able to wait and acting responsibly does.
(For girls) You don't have to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If sex is the price of a close relationship, find someone else.
3. Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you don't get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but are also engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids' whereabouts doesn't make you a nag; it makes you a parent.
4. Know your children's friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children's friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child's friends share rather than one that makes him or her different - but even if your views don't match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children's friends into your home and talk to them openly.
5. Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating. Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about your strong feelings about this throughout childhood - don't wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don't like the particular person or invitation.
6. Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is. And don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl - sometimes they even have money and a car to boot. But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl. Try setting a limit of no more than a two- (or at most three-) year age difference. The power differences between younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex and sex with no protection.
7. Help your teenagers have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appears bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Tell them, for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming pregnant - or causing pregnancy - can derail the best of plans; for example, child care expenses can make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults.
8. Let your kids know that you value education highly. Encourage your children to take school seriously and to set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early if things aren't going well. Keep track of your children's grades and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to part-time jobs (20 hours per week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked.
9. Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to. The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be "media literate" - think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to.You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions, and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment.
10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from an early age. Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help:
Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of affection should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement.
Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do.
Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests, not just yours. Shared experiences build a "bank account" of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with them about specific topics, including sexual behavior.
Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend their sports events; learn about their hobbies; be enthusiastic about their achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want to know what is going on in their lives.
Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. Don't compare your teenager with other family members (i.e., why can't you be like your older sister?).
Show that you expect courtesy and respect from them in return.
Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by doing something well.
Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation.
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Restoring Sexual Integrity" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Mallory's story
In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Mallory tells her story:
My story of survival is one that I often take for granted. My life was ill conceived and what some would call illegitimate. I am the child of the hard case, the case used to justify abortion.
The night of my conception my mother made the unfortunate mistake of running to a false friend for emotional comfort during a personal crisis. Another man was there, and using the situation to his advantage, he and her “friend” managed to get her drunk, leaving her no possibility of getting home that night. She was shown to a spare bed, in which this stranger would also be sleeping. With the alcohol impairing her judgment as well as her strength, she became the unwitting victim of a rape.
When she realized she was pregnant, she turned to Living Alternatives for help. They counseled her through the pregnancy and gave her information about the positive aspects of adoption. Fortunately, my birthmother made the heroic decision to provide me with a loving mother and father, wonderful people that I am blessed to call my parents. I have never once felt unloved, unwanted, or out of place in my adoptive family. My parents make it a point to tell me that my adoption was the perfect answer to their infertility. They rejoice to see me spread my wings as a college student.
In the midst of simply enjoying life and looking forward to the future, it is sobering to think that had my birthmother not turned to the pregnancy center for help, I might not have left her womb intact. I am glad to be alive and I feel an obligation to let people know that pregnancy centers are good for America because they really do help women and children. Currently, I see myself fighting for the lives of other babies much like me. With the gift I have received, that would be perfectly legitimate.
I am currently enjoying life as a student at Regent University.
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
My story of survival is one that I often take for granted. My life was ill conceived and what some would call illegitimate. I am the child of the hard case, the case used to justify abortion.
The night of my conception my mother made the unfortunate mistake of running to a false friend for emotional comfort during a personal crisis. Another man was there, and using the situation to his advantage, he and her “friend” managed to get her drunk, leaving her no possibility of getting home that night. She was shown to a spare bed, in which this stranger would also be sleeping. With the alcohol impairing her judgment as well as her strength, she became the unwitting victim of a rape.
When she realized she was pregnant, she turned to Living Alternatives for help. They counseled her through the pregnancy and gave her information about the positive aspects of adoption. Fortunately, my birthmother made the heroic decision to provide me with a loving mother and father, wonderful people that I am blessed to call my parents. I have never once felt unloved, unwanted, or out of place in my adoptive family. My parents make it a point to tell me that my adoption was the perfect answer to their infertility. They rejoice to see me spread my wings as a college student.
In the midst of simply enjoying life and looking forward to the future, it is sobering to think that had my birthmother not turned to the pregnancy center for help, I might not have left her womb intact. I am glad to be alive and I feel an obligation to let people know that pregnancy centers are good for America because they really do help women and children. Currently, I see myself fighting for the lives of other babies much like me. With the gift I have received, that would be perfectly legitimate.
I am currently enjoying life as a student at Regent University.
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tia's story
In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Tia tells her story:
When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought there was no way I could provide for a child and decided that abortion was my only option. I went to the City Health Department looking for an abortion referral, but they suggested I go to the Pregnancy Care Center, a local Care Net center in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. At first I was scared they were going to judge me because of my situation, but when I walked through the doors I was accepted with open arms. My peer counselor offered me hope and assurance and told me that God has a plan for everyone, and that included me and my child. She told me that God would take care of both of us if I would let Him. That day, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and chose life for my child.
The center arranged for me to have an ultrasound, which revealed that I was having twins! Excited but a little anxious, this news motivated me to begin parenting classes at the center as well as to attend a Bible study. Through the parenting classes, I learned how to take care of myself, as well as my children. Through the Bible study, I learned how to draw closer to God and how to make positive decisions for my future. I realized that I’m worth waiting for and have made a new commitment to remain abstinent until marriage.
Today I am the proud mother of twins, a boy and girl, who I named Ma-chi and Ma-chiya. I plan on completing a degree in nursing and will soon begin classes.
If I could give advice to other girls that find themselves in a similar situation, I would tell them to never give up and to put all their faith in God, because with Him, anything is possible!
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought there was no way I could provide for a child and decided that abortion was my only option. I went to the City Health Department looking for an abortion referral, but they suggested I go to the Pregnancy Care Center, a local Care Net center in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. At first I was scared they were going to judge me because of my situation, but when I walked through the doors I was accepted with open arms. My peer counselor offered me hope and assurance and told me that God has a plan for everyone, and that included me and my child. She told me that God would take care of both of us if I would let Him. That day, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and chose life for my child.
The center arranged for me to have an ultrasound, which revealed that I was having twins! Excited but a little anxious, this news motivated me to begin parenting classes at the center as well as to attend a Bible study. Through the parenting classes, I learned how to take care of myself, as well as my children. Through the Bible study, I learned how to draw closer to God and how to make positive decisions for my future. I realized that I’m worth waiting for and have made a new commitment to remain abstinent until marriage.
Today I am the proud mother of twins, a boy and girl, who I named Ma-chi and Ma-chiya. I plan on completing a degree in nursing and will soon begin classes.
If I could give advice to other girls that find themselves in a similar situation, I would tell them to never give up and to put all their faith in God, because with Him, anything is possible!
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Tina and Isabella's Story
In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Tina tells her story:My boyfriend said there was only one option: abortion. After all, what would our parents say? What would the people at our church think?
I obediently scheduled an appointment, but before the date arrived, I was overwhelmed with doubts. I knew I couldn't do it. Desperate for help and options, I turned to the phone book and found the Care Net Pregnancy Center of Cochise County.
I scheduled an appointment to meet with a peer counselor. They sat down with me and helped me go over all of my options, and they really listened to my needs. I didn't feel judged; I just felt cared for.
After meeting with my counselor, I knew that I wanted to keep this baby. I still had fears about how this decision was going to affect my future, but the staff from the pregnancy center was there for me throughout my pregnancy. They offered me parenting classes as well as ears to talk to, shoulders to cry on, and ready prayers.
And now, I have a beautiful little daughter, Isabella. When I look at my daughter, I still cannot believe that I almost considered abortion. Life as a single mother is not a bed of roses, but the love that I have for my daughter and the love that she gives to me make it all worthwhile.
I am so thankful for the love and support I received at the Care Net center and for their continuing friendship and prayers!
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Megan and Ava's Story
In a report from the Family Research Council, titled "A Passion To Serve", Megan tells her story:When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, confused, and believed everything I had been told. "Having a baby will ruin your life." "Abortion is the only way out." "Young single mothers cannot make it in this world." The fears I felt toward confronting the pregnancy, and having such drastic changes take place in my life, confirmed my decision. An abortion was the only way to "save" my life as I knew it.
I made an appointment for the next week for a medical abortion, where I would take the medication/pill regimen known as RU-486. The thought of "surgical abortion" made me queasy, and the clinic staff made the pill sound so simple - like taking a Tylenol for a headache. It seemed like the perfect solution had fallen right in my lap. But what I first thought was the answer to my prayers soon came with its own set of worries. I couldn't shake the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind, those unsettled feelings that I was sure would disappear since I had made the appointment to take the RU-486.
My anxiety worsened as the date for the abortion grew closer. I crept slowly through the days, wishing that I could stall the abortion appointment until I felt 100% confident about my choice. It was the biggest decision of my life, and I needed, I craved some conviction that it was the right decision. One day, as I was riding on the bus I saw a sign that read, "Considering Abortion? Pregnancy Care Centers: Caring, Confidential, Trusted." It gave me a sense of comfort I hadn't felt in weeks. I decided to call the number... I figured at that point, what did I have to lose? Maybe I did have one more chance to talk to someone before the abortion.
When I called the Help Line phone number, I was nervous - I didn't want to be judged or pressured. I just wanted to hear something hopeful. The woman on the other end of the line listened, and didn't judge. She gave me information, and set me up with an appointment. I don't know what prompted me to go. But I knew that I couldn't go in and get the abortion without some sense of affirmation that whatever choice I made, it would be a well-informed decision.
The visit to the pregnancy care center changed my life. For the first time, I saw my situation for what it really was - a blessing, a miracle of life. I saw my baby on the ultrasound as a real person. I could see her as a newborn baby... a little girl... and a grown woman who would do amazing things in this world if I would just give her the opportunity. Seeing Ava opened my eyes to everything I couldn't see before. I was able to see past my fears and my worries, and experience the excitement and joy of a new life. I felt a renewed sense of purpose, and an overwhelming responsibility to myself as a woman, and my capabilities of being a mother. The support and love the center showed me gave me the validation I was searching for all along.
The center wasn't about fixing a "problem" or telling me what to do - it was about the undeniable, unselfish celebration of life... and not just my baby's life, but mine as well. It was about empowerment, guidance and support. They were my reminder, when I was too scared to remind myself, that I didn't need to succumb to pressure just because I was afraid, and that I could choose the life I wanted. For the first time, I felt like I had choices and that I could make a genuine, confident decision.
When I left the clinic, I realized that the pit in my stomach was gone. I no longer had that nagging feeling of dread I had while I was waiting to have the abortion. I finally understood that the dread was not just a result of my current situation. It was really a preview of the regret that I would feel living the rest of my life knowing I had made a decision that I didn't have any information about. It was regret in a decision which would have stolen those qualities of joy and unconditional love that I experience in my life every day now.
You and your pregnant daughter do not have to succumb to pressure to have an abortion either. Do your research on all options carefully. Pray about it. Get counsel from a mature Christian who does not have a stake in the decision. Talk to someone at your local pregnancy resource center. You may find our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" a helpful resource to help you discuss all the decisions that must be made.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Now available in Spanish!
Our best-selling book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" is now available in Spanish!"Como Sobrevivir el Embarazo de su Adolescente" is available on Amazon.com and also directly from us.
Friday, October 2, 2009
October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
This violence hotline is open for victims or anyone calling on their behalf 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline counselors can provide crisis intervention, information or referrals to agencies across the nation. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
Among its programs, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE). This nationwide partnership of more than 1,100 local rape treatment hotlines provides victims of sexual assault with free, confidential services around the clock. When a caller dials 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), the call is automatically connected to a local U.S. rape crisis program near the phone number's area code.
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453
To raise awareness and champion zero tolerance of dating violence among teens, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline in conjunction with the Love Is Respect program for teens and parents seeking help. An online chat option is available from 4 p.m. – 2 a.m. CST.
Break The Cycle
Break the Cycle believes everybody has the right to safe and healthy relationships—regardless of where they live, who they are or what they believe. That is why they work every day toward its mission to engage, educate and empower youth to build lives and communities free from domestic violence. Break the Cycle offers programs that defy geographic bounds—ensuring that no young person is excluded from receiving the help, tools and information they need to live free from violence. Break the Cycle’s success is demonstrated by more than a decade of leadership in working with teens to prevent and end domestic and dating violence.
Resources & Programs located on The Mary Kay Foundation Web site
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
This violence hotline is open for victims or anyone calling on their behalf 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline counselors can provide crisis intervention, information or referrals to agencies across the nation. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
Among its programs, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE). This nationwide partnership of more than 1,100 local rape treatment hotlines provides victims of sexual assault with free, confidential services around the clock. When a caller dials 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), the call is automatically connected to a local U.S. rape crisis program near the phone number's area code.
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453
To raise awareness and champion zero tolerance of dating violence among teens, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline in conjunction with the Love Is Respect program for teens and parents seeking help. An online chat option is available from 4 p.m. – 2 a.m. CST.
Break The Cycle
Break the Cycle believes everybody has the right to safe and healthy relationships—regardless of where they live, who they are or what they believe. That is why they work every day toward its mission to engage, educate and empower youth to build lives and communities free from domestic violence. Break the Cycle offers programs that defy geographic bounds—ensuring that no young person is excluded from receiving the help, tools and information they need to live free from violence. Break the Cycle’s success is demonstrated by more than a decade of leadership in working with teens to prevent and end domestic and dating violence.
Resources & Programs located on The Mary Kay Foundation Web site
Friday, September 25, 2009
Paula's story
In the September/October 2009 issue of "Celebrate Life" magazine, you can read the true story of Paula, a cadet at West Point Academy who found herself pregnant.
The campus health providers said that "West Point was prepared for cadets in her condition. First, there was the “weekend option.” “We will write you a special pass,” she explained. “We have a list of clinics. You can go, and when you come back, nobody has to know why you went or what you did.” “No,” Paula said, unwilling to go that route. “Are you sure?” the doctor asked, not pressing, but confirming what she was hearing. “Yes,” Paula answered, “don’t even give me that list. I could never do that.” “Okay,” the doctor replied. And without further discussion, she wrote a prescription for prenatal vitamins and sent Paula on her way."
"Choosing to carry her pregnancy to term, Paula had three options: (1) She could place the
baby for adoption and resume her career at West Point, graduating one semester behind her peers; (2) a family member could temporarily adopt the child until she graduated, at which point custody would revert to her; or (3) she could withdraw from West Point. Brian proposed, and together the two of them weighed each option. Brian opposed permanent adoption, and Paula felt the temporary adoption route was too disruptive for a child. That left her with option 3. “It was a tough pill to swallow,” Paula reflected later, but swallow it she did. The decision made, they set a date for their wedding after Brian’s graduation, at which point their child would be two."
Read the full article to see how her parents reacted and how the story turned out!
The campus health providers said that "West Point was prepared for cadets in her condition. First, there was the “weekend option.” “We will write you a special pass,” she explained. “We have a list of clinics. You can go, and when you come back, nobody has to know why you went or what you did.” “No,” Paula said, unwilling to go that route. “Are you sure?” the doctor asked, not pressing, but confirming what she was hearing. “Yes,” Paula answered, “don’t even give me that list. I could never do that.” “Okay,” the doctor replied. And without further discussion, she wrote a prescription for prenatal vitamins and sent Paula on her way."
"Choosing to carry her pregnancy to term, Paula had three options: (1) She could place the
baby for adoption and resume her career at West Point, graduating one semester behind her peers; (2) a family member could temporarily adopt the child until she graduated, at which point custody would revert to her; or (3) she could withdraw from West Point. Brian proposed, and together the two of them weighed each option. Brian opposed permanent adoption, and Paula felt the temporary adoption route was too disruptive for a child. That left her with option 3. “It was a tough pill to swallow,” Paula reflected later, but swallow it she did. The decision made, they set a date for their wedding after Brian’s graduation, at which point their child would be two."
Read the full article to see how her parents reacted and how the story turned out!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Depression affects children
"National Research Council and the Institute of Medicine, estimates that in any given year, 7.5 million U.S. parents are depressed and at least 15 million U.S. children live with a parent who has major or severe depression." A WebMD.com news article summarizes some information from this report.
Was your pregnant daughter depressed before she became pregnant? Is she depressed now that she is pregnant? Make sure she gets medical treatment for her depression! Her depression can adversely affect her child. The report shows that:
Depressed pregnant women may be less likely to get prenatal care.
Depressed moms may be less attentive or less able to respond in a healthy way to their babies' needs.
Parental depression has been linked to children's early signs of, or vulnerability to, having a more "difficult" temperament, including more negativity, less happiness, poorer social skills, more vulnerability to depression, more self blame, less self-worth, and a less effective response system to stress.
William Beardslee, MD, of the psychiatry department at Children's Hospital in Boston notes that
"Early in life, we worry most that somehow the fundamental bond between the mother and father and the infant may be weakened because of depression. A little later on, when children are older, parents are vitally important in providing structure, order, encouragement, support, helping with school, helping with friendships, and those processes tend to be disrupted when a parent is depressed".
Was your pregnant daughter depressed before she became pregnant? Is she depressed now that she is pregnant? Make sure she gets medical treatment for her depression! Her depression can adversely affect her child. The report shows that:
Depressed pregnant women may be less likely to get prenatal care.
Depressed moms may be less attentive or less able to respond in a healthy way to their babies' needs.
Parental depression has been linked to children's early signs of, or vulnerability to, having a more "difficult" temperament, including more negativity, less happiness, poorer social skills, more vulnerability to depression, more self blame, less self-worth, and a less effective response system to stress.
William Beardslee, MD, of the psychiatry department at Children's Hospital in Boston notes that
"Early in life, we worry most that somehow the fundamental bond between the mother and father and the infant may be weakened because of depression. A little later on, when children are older, parents are vitally important in providing structure, order, encouragement, support, helping with school, helping with friendships, and those processes tend to be disrupted when a parent is depressed".
Monday, September 21, 2009
Adoption in the Bible
Perhaps due to the economy, both abortion and adoption placements are on the rise. Some women mistakenly perceive that choosing adoption for her baby makes her 'a bad mother'. But the Bible gives us a foundation for adoption.
Ephesians 1:5 says "In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will..."
Adoption is a concept created by God. God refers to believers who enter His covenant family as 'adopted' children. Adoption was originally a privilege reserved for Israel, but through Jesus this privilege extends to anyone who enters a personal relationship with Jesus. In the book of Romans we also wee adoption portrayed as a unique and unbreakable bond between adoptive parent and adopted child. God desires a permanent relationship with us. According to a Roman-Syrian book of law, a birth parent could disinherit a biological child 'if he had good reason' but could never disinherit an adopted child.
The Bible also illustrates adoption in the lives of several major people. For example, Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Adoption upholds the Scriptural emphasis on the role of the father in the family. We see this in Joseph's life when an angel appears to him in a dream and commands him to take Mary as his wife and name the child Jesus. Joseph accepted Jesus as his own son and assumed the rights and responsibilities of fatherhood.
Though there is much Biblical support for adoption, choosing adoption remains a challenging decision that must be considered carefully. Study the Bible in regards to adoption; pray for God to lead you; consider what is best for both the birthmother and her child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Ephesians 1:5 says "In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will..."
Adoption is a concept created by God. God refers to believers who enter His covenant family as 'adopted' children. Adoption was originally a privilege reserved for Israel, but through Jesus this privilege extends to anyone who enters a personal relationship with Jesus. In the book of Romans we also wee adoption portrayed as a unique and unbreakable bond between adoptive parent and adopted child. God desires a permanent relationship with us. According to a Roman-Syrian book of law, a birth parent could disinherit a biological child 'if he had good reason' but could never disinherit an adopted child.
The Bible also illustrates adoption in the lives of several major people. For example, Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Adoption upholds the Scriptural emphasis on the role of the father in the family. We see this in Joseph's life when an angel appears to him in a dream and commands him to take Mary as his wife and name the child Jesus. Joseph accepted Jesus as his own son and assumed the rights and responsibilities of fatherhood.
Though there is much Biblical support for adoption, choosing adoption remains a challenging decision that must be considered carefully. Study the Bible in regards to adoption; pray for God to lead you; consider what is best for both the birthmother and her child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Friday, September 18, 2009
Teen Ethics
In October, 2008, the organization "Junior Achievement" conducted a survey of 750 teens aged 12-17. The topic was teen ethics and whether teens felt they were ready to make ethical/moral decisions in the work environment.
46% of the teens said it is sometimes acceptable to lie to parents or guardians. 61% of the teens said they had lied to their parent/guardian in the last 12 months. Why was it acceptable? To cover up a situation, to help a friend, and peer pressure.
54% of the teens consider their parents to be their behavioral role model, but only 21% said they feel they are accountable to their parents for behavior.
An article titled "Ethical Fitness" by Elizabeth Foy Larsen in the October 2009 issue of Family Circle gives some tips:
1) Reinforce family values by having your "kids help you write a list of nonnegotiable values."
2) Sign your child up for a values-based group such as a religious organization.
3) Teach that achievements are earned, that they are not achieved by quick results.
Talk to your daughter about these statistics and tips. Did she lie to you about her sexual activity or the fact that she was pregnant? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving my daughter" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy"
46% of the teens said it is sometimes acceptable to lie to parents or guardians. 61% of the teens said they had lied to their parent/guardian in the last 12 months. Why was it acceptable? To cover up a situation, to help a friend, and peer pressure.
54% of the teens consider their parents to be their behavioral role model, but only 21% said they feel they are accountable to their parents for behavior.
An article titled "Ethical Fitness" by Elizabeth Foy Larsen in the October 2009 issue of Family Circle gives some tips:
1) Reinforce family values by having your "kids help you write a list of nonnegotiable values."
2) Sign your child up for a values-based group such as a religious organization.
3) Teach that achievements are earned, that they are not achieved by quick results.
Talk to your daughter about these statistics and tips. Did she lie to you about her sexual activity or the fact that she was pregnant? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving my daughter" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Teens with Older Sexual Partners
Child Trends published a fact sheet in April 2008 titled "Long-term consequences for teens with older sexual partners". This research examines whether having sexual intercourse before age 16 with a partner at least three years older was associated with becoming a teen parent or unmarried parent or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease (STD) by young adulthood (post-high school through the early twenties).
Findings:
1) 18% (nearly 1 in 5) middle school and high school girls reported having sex with an partner who who was three or more years older than themselves. Only 4% of boys were in the same position.
2) 55% of girls and 61% of boys reported that they had not yet had sexual intercourse by middle school or high school.
3) Girls who had an older sexual partner were more likely to acquire an STD, and more likely to have had a baby outside marriage by young adulthood.
4) Girls who had sex before age 16 with a partner at least three years older were twice as likely to test positive for an STD in young adulthood.
5) 27% of the girls in the research study reported that they had had at least one nonromantic sexual partner during adolescence.
Talk to your teens and college students about the dangers of dating someone that is more than 3 years older than themselves while they are not yet adults. The maturity and power differences pose serious risks until your children are adults themselves. Read our other blog entries about this topic: "Age differences in dating", "Sexual Behavior in America's Children", and "Teen Dating Abuse".
Findings:
1) 18% (nearly 1 in 5) middle school and high school girls reported having sex with an partner who who was three or more years older than themselves. Only 4% of boys were in the same position.
2) 55% of girls and 61% of boys reported that they had not yet had sexual intercourse by middle school or high school.
3) Girls who had an older sexual partner were more likely to acquire an STD, and more likely to have had a baby outside marriage by young adulthood.
4) Girls who had sex before age 16 with a partner at least three years older were twice as likely to test positive for an STD in young adulthood.
5) 27% of the girls in the research study reported that they had had at least one nonromantic sexual partner during adolescence.
Talk to your teens and college students about the dangers of dating someone that is more than 3 years older than themselves while they are not yet adults. The maturity and power differences pose serious risks until your children are adults themselves. Read our other blog entries about this topic: "Age differences in dating", "Sexual Behavior in America's Children", and "Teen Dating Abuse".
Monday, September 7, 2009
Adopting Your Daughter's Child
Recently there has been a lot of talk about Levi Johnston's comments to a magazine that Bristol Palin's mother had wanted to keep Bristol's pregnancy a secret and then adopt the baby as her own. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2004 over 2.4 million grandparents were primary caregivers for their grandchildren, though this is not always via adoption.
Formally adopting your daughter's child as your own child is definitely an option that can be considered. We talk about this option in the chapter "Should We Adopt the Baby?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". In our book, we say:
Whether you plan to adopt your grandchild or simply be the legal guardian, you need to talk with a lawyer to create the proper legal paperwork that supports this relationship.
In addition, the decision must rest with your pregnant daughter... she must carefully consider every option and make her own decision on what is best for her child.
Formally adopting your daughter's child as your own child is definitely an option that can be considered. We talk about this option in the chapter "Should We Adopt the Baby?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". In our book, we say:
I am entirely opposed to grandparents adopting their grandchild IF they plan to pretend it is their own child and perpetuate a family secret. I have never found that family secrets bring good, but have often found they bring distrust, anger, and lie upon lie. Secrecy causes shame, guilt, fear, isolation and defensivness. If you plan to formally adopt your grandchild, the truth should be spoken from the beginning. The child's mother should be identified as such. One of the main complications with adoption inside the family is that when a daughter matures and is on her feet, she may feel that she has the right to reclaim her child. This can cause anguish and turmoil for everyone.
Whether you plan to adopt your grandchild or simply be the legal guardian, you need to talk with a lawyer to create the proper legal paperwork that supports this relationship.
In addition, the decision must rest with your pregnant daughter... she must carefully consider every option and make her own decision on what is best for her child.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Resource: Southern Nevada Children First
Las Vegas TV News 3 has a video and article about Southern Nevada Children First, a program that helps "young mothers who don't have a home....[and] gives young mothers a place to stay while helping them to receive an education or search for a job." Up to seven young mothers and their babies can stay in the central Las Vegas home associated with Southern Nevada Children First. The two-year program gives 17 to 22-year-old homeless mothers a place to stay and a plan to get on their feet.
One 17-year-old mother, who asked to not be identified, knows what it's like to be homeless.
"My boyfriend had beat me and I had nowhere to go. I've been on the streets multiple times for multiple lengths of times." She still fears for her safety even though she's in a better place now.
"It really feels like a home; it doesn't feel like a shelter or a place you are staying because you don't have anywhere else to go. They helped me get into college so I am officially a college student. I want to get a full-time job and then transition to my own apartment and have my own place."
If your pregnant daughter can not live with you after the baby is born, where will she live? With other family? With friends? Does she need your help to find a program like this that will help her get on her feet? Call your local pregnancy resource center to see if they have referrals for housing. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" because it discusses the many decisions that you and your pregnant daughter are facing about housing during pregnancy, finishing her education, legal issues, medical issues, skill building and life options after the baby is born.
One 17-year-old mother, who asked to not be identified, knows what it's like to be homeless.
"My boyfriend had beat me and I had nowhere to go. I've been on the streets multiple times for multiple lengths of times." She still fears for her safety even though she's in a better place now.
"It really feels like a home; it doesn't feel like a shelter or a place you are staying because you don't have anywhere else to go. They helped me get into college so I am officially a college student. I want to get a full-time job and then transition to my own apartment and have my own place."
If your pregnant daughter can not live with you after the baby is born, where will she live? With other family? With friends? Does she need your help to find a program like this that will help her get on her feet? Call your local pregnancy resource center to see if they have referrals for housing. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" because it discusses the many decisions that you and your pregnant daughter are facing about housing during pregnancy, finishing her education, legal issues, medical issues, skill building and life options after the baby is born.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Birth Plan
A labor and deliver nurse wrote a two-part blog post about how to write a birth plan. Read these posts with your pregnant daughter, discuss them, and then help her write down a birth plan of her own to give to her doctor.
These posts will:
1) Assist you in writing the best birth plan you can by pointing you in the direction of the best resources out there, that she has found, on birth plan writing,
2) Review the true purpose of a birth plan and help you write a birth plan for the right reasons, and
3) Help you navigate through a bureaucratic hospital system often perforated with outdated dogma and run by unofficial “policies” and help you and your labor companions facilitate a positive and empowering birth experience for your whole family!
Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part One
In part one, the nurse talks about what a birth plan is, what types of birth plans are not helpful to mothers and nurses, what types of birth plans are useful and helpful.
Top Ten DOs for Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part Two
In part two, the nurse gives ten tips for writing your birth plan:
1) Keep it simple
2) Be clear
3) Do your research to discover your preferences
4) Include your fears and concerns
5) Review the plan with your nurse/doctor/staff and ask them to sign that they have read it and understood it.
6) Make the plan personal, and understand it so that you can answer questions about it
7) Look at examples online for ideas
8) Imagine different scenarios ahead of time and try to guess what help you would want
9) Try to make the research fun, not a chore
10) Bring the plan with you to the hospital!
We talk about creating a birth plan in the chapter titled "The Baby is Born" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
These posts will:
1) Assist you in writing the best birth plan you can by pointing you in the direction of the best resources out there, that she has found, on birth plan writing,
2) Review the true purpose of a birth plan and help you write a birth plan for the right reasons, and
3) Help you navigate through a bureaucratic hospital system often perforated with outdated dogma and run by unofficial “policies” and help you and your labor companions facilitate a positive and empowering birth experience for your whole family!
Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part One
In part one, the nurse talks about what a birth plan is, what types of birth plans are not helpful to mothers and nurses, what types of birth plans are useful and helpful.
Top Ten DOs for Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part Two
In part two, the nurse gives ten tips for writing your birth plan:
1) Keep it simple
2) Be clear
3) Do your research to discover your preferences
4) Include your fears and concerns
5) Review the plan with your nurse/doctor/staff and ask them to sign that they have read it and understood it.
6) Make the plan personal, and understand it so that you can answer questions about it
7) Look at examples online for ideas
8) Imagine different scenarios ahead of time and try to guess what help you would want
9) Try to make the research fun, not a chore
10) Bring the plan with you to the hospital!
We talk about creating a birth plan in the chapter titled "The Baby is Born" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Monday, August 31, 2009
HELLP Syndrome
A recent news story titled "Miracle baby born months early survives against tremendous odds" tells the story of 24-year old mother Tira and her baby (Brianna) who was born at about 24 weeks of pregnancy. When Brianna was born at about 24 weeks of gestation, she weighed 13 ounces. She stayed in the hospital for nearly five months until she weighed about 5.5 pounds.
Tira, the mother, explained "I was having really bad pressure in my chest and pains, and I let it go for about two or three days and then we went to the hospital and they told me that was my liver shutting down, my blood pressure was skyrocket and if I would have waited 12 more hours they would have lost me and her both."
The symptoms of HELLP include:
Headache
Nausea and vomiting that continues to get worse
Upper abdominal pain
Vision problems
For more information on HELLP, click here.
Conditions like this are why your pregnant daughter needs to get prenatal care as early in her pregnancy as possible and to continue with prenatal care throughout her pregnancy. We talk about the importance of prenatal care in the chapters titled "First steps to take" and "The doctor appointment" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."
Tira, the mother, explained "I was having really bad pressure in my chest and pains, and I let it go for about two or three days and then we went to the hospital and they told me that was my liver shutting down, my blood pressure was skyrocket and if I would have waited 12 more hours they would have lost me and her both."
The symptoms of HELLP include:
Headache
Nausea and vomiting that continues to get worse
Upper abdominal pain
Vision problems
For more information on HELLP, click here.
Conditions like this are why your pregnant daughter needs to get prenatal care as early in her pregnancy as possible and to continue with prenatal care throughout her pregnancy. We talk about the importance of prenatal care in the chapters titled "First steps to take" and "The doctor appointment" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Back to School
The National Fatherhood Initiative gives a few tips to help your kids do well in school:
- Ask Questions. Find out what classes your pregnant daughter enjoys, what teachers she likes, and what is going on at school.
- Join the PTA. Being involved with your daughter's school in this way can help you understand how the school is functioning.
- Attend Parent-Teacher Conferences. "Ask the teachers how your child is doing and listen. Find out as much as you can about what your child is learning so you can reinforce that at home."
- Have Lunch With Your Kids. Take time out of your schedule to have a quick meal with them at school.
- Praise and Reward. "Kids have a way of reaching the goals and aspirations that we as parents set for them. Stress the importance of a good education. Come up with special treats for a good report card or test grade - it can be as simple as an ice cream cone or a special dinner at home."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Depression Treatment during Pregnancy
A new report from the American Psychiatric Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists finds that women should talk to their doctors about whether they should continue to take antidepressant medication during pregnancy.
"Pregnant women who experience psychotic episodes, have bipolar disorder, or who are suicidal or have a history of suicide attempts should not be taken off antidepressants, the report concludes."
"Separate studies from Sweden and the U.S. suggested an increased risk for congenital heart defects in babies born to women who took Paxil during pregnancy. But the joint panel found the evidence linking Paxil use during pregnancy to heart problems in newborns to be inconclusive."
Antidepressant "use during pregnancy has also been linked in some studies to an increased risk for miscarriage, low birth weight, and preterm delivery. But once again, the report found no definitive link between the use of the antidepressants and these pregnancy outcomes."
Recommendations in the report include:
"Women who are already pregnant should not attempt antidepressant withdrawal if they have severe depression. Psychiatrically stable women who want to stay on antidepressants during pregnancy should consult with their psychiatrist and ob-gyn about the potential risks and benefits. Women with recurrent depression or those who have symptoms despite drug treatment may benefit from psychotherapy when available."
If your pregnant daughter is taking antidepression medication, talk to her doctor as soon as possible about the risks and benefits of her medication.
"Pregnant women who experience psychotic episodes, have bipolar disorder, or who are suicidal or have a history of suicide attempts should not be taken off antidepressants, the report concludes."
"Separate studies from Sweden and the U.S. suggested an increased risk for congenital heart defects in babies born to women who took Paxil during pregnancy. But the joint panel found the evidence linking Paxil use during pregnancy to heart problems in newborns to be inconclusive."
Antidepressant "use during pregnancy has also been linked in some studies to an increased risk for miscarriage, low birth weight, and preterm delivery. But once again, the report found no definitive link between the use of the antidepressants and these pregnancy outcomes."
Recommendations in the report include:
"Women who are already pregnant should not attempt antidepressant withdrawal if they have severe depression. Psychiatrically stable women who want to stay on antidepressants during pregnancy should consult with their psychiatrist and ob-gyn about the potential risks and benefits. Women with recurrent depression or those who have symptoms despite drug treatment may benefit from psychotherapy when available."
If your pregnant daughter is taking antidepression medication, talk to her doctor as soon as possible about the risks and benefits of her medication.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Top Ten Myths About Abortion
While you are discussing with your pregnant daughter her options for her child, take the time to research all the options.
You can download a free PDF brochure called "The Top Ten Myths About Abortion" and discuss it with your daughter. This brochure addresses the following myths:
You can download a free PDF brochure called "The Top Ten Myths About Abortion" and discuss it with your daughter. This brochure addresses the following myths:
- Myth: Abortion is legal only during the first 3 months of pregnancy.
- Myth: Abortion is legal because the Constitution says so.
- Myth: Most Americans agree with current U.S. abortion law.
- Myth: Abortion is rare in the United States.
- Myth: Most abortions in the Unted States are done for health reasons or because of rape or incest.
- Myth: Abortion is good for women.
- Myth: Abortion is beneficial to modern society.
- Myth: The more that people have access to contraception, the fewer abortions there will be.
- Myth: Abortion, particularly early abortion, does not take the life of a human being.
- Myth: I can be "personally opposed, but pro-choice".
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Parents: You Matter! Webinar
Boys & Girls Clubs of America and The Partnership for a Drug Free America present a webinar on August 25, 2009 titled
Parents: You Matter!
The webinar will present parent-friendly tools and resources that will give attendees information about why kids use drugs and alcohol, and what parents need to know to help and protect their children. Resources will be made available to all attendees, including the presentation, annotated script and other tools. Sign up here.
Parents: You Matter!
The webinar will present parent-friendly tools and resources that will give attendees information about why kids use drugs and alcohol, and what parents need to know to help and protect their children. Resources will be made available to all attendees, including the presentation, annotated script and other tools. Sign up here.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Your Young-Adult Child
The National Fatherhood Initiative gives some pointers that can help you and your pregnant daughter improve her maturity and independance.
1) Legal documents. "Once turned 18, your son/daughter is legally an adult, able to enter into contracts and agreements without your permission." Talk to your daughter about her responsibility to read such documents carefully and to keep her end of the agreement. Offer to review any contracts or agreements for her before she signs them.
2) Making mistakes. Your pregnant daughter needs to move rapidly toward maturity since she is now responsible for her child's life in addition to her own life. She will make mistakes. You need to allow room for some mistakes that will help her learn valuable lessons, and be there to guide her as she picks up the pieces. You should not shield her from consequences..they are valuable to her growth as a person. On the other extreme, you may not need to impose extra consequences either.
3) Keeping records. Help your pregnant daughter set up a filing system to store her important personal documents such as her resume, bank statements, utilities statements, credit card statements, and other documents.
4) Focus on a goal. Talk to your pregnant daughter about her goal for the next 4 years. Does she need to finish high school? Finish college? Get vocational training? Get a job? Help your daughter get career guidance as soon as possible... this may be available at her school, or from a private counselor.
5) Relationships. Talk with your pregnant daughter about the important people in her life. Help her evaluate each relationship because she'll likely become more like the people she spends the most time with. Do her current friends act like the person she wants to be in five years?
6) Banking. If your pregnant daughter doesn't already have a checking account, go with her to the bank. Have her take the lead in setting up an account, but be there with her. Make sure she knows how to balance her account, and how to record transactions. Teach her about shopping for the best deals. Make a budget for her expenses. Go "window" shopping to start calculating how much money she will need to earn to pay for her baby's expenses.
7) Budgeting. Help your daughter write down a budget, even if you are paying all or most of her living expenses. "The important skill to develop here is minding money: how much and where it comes from, as well as where it goes. Encourage them to actively manage their money and find ways to save even a little for the “unexpecteds” that come everyone’s way." The chapter titled "Should she parent alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" has a list of items to put into such a budget.
8) Prioritize and plan. "Teens are notorious for putting off the serious “stuff of life,” because to them it gets in the way of life itself." Help your pregnant daughter write down a plan of the next five years of her life. Put dates on events and action items. Be specific in the things she wants to do over that time period.
1) Legal documents. "Once turned 18, your son/daughter is legally an adult, able to enter into contracts and agreements without your permission." Talk to your daughter about her responsibility to read such documents carefully and to keep her end of the agreement. Offer to review any contracts or agreements for her before she signs them.
2) Making mistakes. Your pregnant daughter needs to move rapidly toward maturity since she is now responsible for her child's life in addition to her own life. She will make mistakes. You need to allow room for some mistakes that will help her learn valuable lessons, and be there to guide her as she picks up the pieces. You should not shield her from consequences..they are valuable to her growth as a person. On the other extreme, you may not need to impose extra consequences either.
3) Keeping records. Help your pregnant daughter set up a filing system to store her important personal documents such as her resume, bank statements, utilities statements, credit card statements, and other documents.
4) Focus on a goal. Talk to your pregnant daughter about her goal for the next 4 years. Does she need to finish high school? Finish college? Get vocational training? Get a job? Help your daughter get career guidance as soon as possible... this may be available at her school, or from a private counselor.
5) Relationships. Talk with your pregnant daughter about the important people in her life. Help her evaluate each relationship because she'll likely become more like the people she spends the most time with. Do her current friends act like the person she wants to be in five years?
6) Banking. If your pregnant daughter doesn't already have a checking account, go with her to the bank. Have her take the lead in setting up an account, but be there with her. Make sure she knows how to balance her account, and how to record transactions. Teach her about shopping for the best deals. Make a budget for her expenses. Go "window" shopping to start calculating how much money she will need to earn to pay for her baby's expenses.
7) Budgeting. Help your daughter write down a budget, even if you are paying all or most of her living expenses. "The important skill to develop here is minding money: how much and where it comes from, as well as where it goes. Encourage them to actively manage their money and find ways to save even a little for the “unexpecteds” that come everyone’s way." The chapter titled "Should she parent alone?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" has a list of items to put into such a budget.
8) Prioritize and plan. "Teens are notorious for putting off the serious “stuff of life,” because to them it gets in the way of life itself." Help your pregnant daughter write down a plan of the next five years of her life. Put dates on events and action items. Be specific in the things she wants to do over that time period.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Swine Flu Vaccination
The CDC recommends that pregnant women get vaccinated against the Swine Flu (H1N1) as soon as it is available in mid-October.
An article titled "H1N1 flu shots: Pregnant women, health care workers and children first" says:
The first priority group of recipients would be pregnant women, people who live with or care for children younger than 6 months, health care and emergency personnel, people 6 months to 24 years old, and people age 25 to 64 who are at high risk due to chronic health disorders or compromised immune systems.
So get your calendar out and write down a reminder to get your pregnant daughter the vaccination in October.
What is Swine Flu? Learn about the myths and facts by reading this article at Fox News.
An article titled "H1N1 flu shots: Pregnant women, health care workers and children first" says:
The first priority group of recipients would be pregnant women, people who live with or care for children younger than 6 months, health care and emergency personnel, people 6 months to 24 years old, and people age 25 to 64 who are at high risk due to chronic health disorders or compromised immune systems.
So get your calendar out and write down a reminder to get your pregnant daughter the vaccination in October.
What is Swine Flu? Learn about the myths and facts by reading this article at Fox News.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Postpartum depression
Postpartum depression can affect as many as 50%-80% of new moms, and is more likely in teen moms. After your daughter gives birth, watch her closely for symptoms and get her to a doctor right away if she is having trouble.
CNN copied an article from Parenting.com that has information about postpartum depression (PPD). Here are two paragraphs from that article:
CNN copied an article from Parenting.com that has information about postpartum depression (PPD). Here are two paragraphs from that article:
New moms should expect to feel overwhelmed at times, incompetent now and then, nervous about being left on their own to take care of the baby, and to overreact and tear up over seemingly minor things. What's not normal: a darkening storm of anxiety and panic. "The big difference between baby blues and PPD is duration and intensity," Howard explains. "It is a prolonged sense of sadness lasting for two weeks or more."
There are also different degrees of PPD, notes Dalfen. Women who are not enjoying motherhood but can go through the motions of taking care of the baby and themselves may have mild PPD, but are getting by. Those who feel down all the time, have trouble connecting with their baby, and find it hard to get through every day have a stronger case of the illness. Severe PPD sufferers are extremely depressed and unable to take care of themselves or their babies. All of these women need treatment, Dalfen emphasizes.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sexual behaviors data
The most recent data (which is from year 2002) reports that:
- Among female adolescents aged 15-17 years, 30.0% reported ever having had sex, compared with 70.6% of those aged 18-19 years.
- Among male adolescents aged 15-17 years, 31.6% reported ever having had sex, compared with 64.7% of those aged 18-19 years.
- Among teenagers aged 15-19 years, 13.1% of females and 14.8% of males reported having had sex at age <15>
Talk to your teens and show them that very few minors (people under the age of 18) have had sex. They should not feel pressure from the statement "everyone is doing it" because it simply is not true that minors are all having sex. It also isn't true that "adult" teens are all having sex... about 1 in 3 are not! Ask your kids what they think it means that 65% of boys aged 18-19 have had sex while 71% of girls of the same age have had sex.
- Among females aged 18-24 years, 9.6% who had sex by age 20 years reported having had nonvoluntary first intercourse. Having ever been forced to have intercourse was reported by 14.3% of females aged 18-19 years and 19.1% of females aged 20-24 years.
Ask your daughters if they have ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into having sex. Was their first experience voluntary or involuntary? If your daughter has ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into sex, get her some counseling help to process the thoughts and emotions she has about that experience.
- The majority (58.7%) of females aged 15-19 years reported that their first sex partners were 1-3 years older than they were, and 22.4% reported that their first partners were ≥4 years older than they were.
Has your daughter been exploited by a male who is older than her? Has your minor daughter been having sex with a man who is not a minor?
- Approximately three in 10 female and male adolescents aged 15-19 years reported having had two or more sexual partners.
Ask your kids to figure out how many sexual partners a person might have at the age of 23 if they had 2 partners between the age of 15 and 19. How many might they have had at the age of 27 if that trend continued? What do they think about the possibility of having that many different sexual partners?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Evaluating a relationship
Rose Publishing has a great booklet titled "100 Things To Know When Dating" (or "100 Things to Know Before Dating and Marriage
").
This is well worth getting. It has discussion questions about goals and interests, character, personality, family and friends, and background. These questions help you determine if you really know the person well. The booklet also has a "risk quiz", advice from the Bible about courtship and marriage, and tips on how to make break-ups less painful and how to recover from a break-up.
Parents of tweens should discuss these questions in relation to the tweens friends... are the friends beneficial to your tween?
Parents of teens should discuss these questions in relation to current friends and especially potential dating partners.
Parents of pregnant daughters should discuss these questions in relation to the baby's father, regardless of the age of the pregnant daughter.
Some of the questions in the booklet are:
").This is well worth getting. It has discussion questions about goals and interests, character, personality, family and friends, and background. These questions help you determine if you really know the person well. The booklet also has a "risk quiz", advice from the Bible about courtship and marriage, and tips on how to make break-ups less painful and how to recover from a break-up.
Parents of tweens should discuss these questions in relation to the tweens friends... are the friends beneficial to your tween?
Parents of teens should discuss these questions in relation to current friends and especially potential dating partners.
Parents of pregnant daughters should discuss these questions in relation to the baby's father, regardless of the age of the pregnant daughter.
Some of the questions in the booklet are:
- How often does his/her family get together?
- Does this person get along with other people in his or her family?
- Does this person seem to have a vital relationship with God or does he or she just say religious things? (1 John 2:3-6)
- Does he or she joke or brag about doing wrong things? (Proverbs 10:23)
- Does this person flirt with others or treat you with respect? (1 Corinthians 13)
- Is he or she irritable, unforgiving, stubborn or looking for an opportunity to take revenge? (Matthew 5:38-39)
- Does he or she talk about past relationships often?
- Is their anything about him or her you would not want your parents or friends to know?
- Does this person still live at home? Why?
- Does this person do kind and loving things for others without being asked?
- Does this person have odd opinions, poor manners, or trouble keeping friends?
- Do you find yourself apologizing for his/her behavior?
- Does he/she hold you down and tickle you when it is no longer fun?
Friday, July 24, 2009
14 Characteristics of Successful People
With your pregnant daughter, sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. Give yourself one point for each of these traits that you have, and your daughter gets a point for each trait she has.
According to productivity expert Jeffrey J. Mayer, successful people have 14 traits in common. They are:
1. have a dream
2. follow a plan
3. have specific knowledge
4. are willing to work hard
5. don't take no for an answer
6. are strongly motivated
7. are focused
8. learn how to get things done
9. take responsibility for their actions
10. make decisions
11. are self-reliant
12. look for solutions
13. cooperate with other people
14. are enthusiastic
What did each of you score?
Which success traits do you lack? Which success traits does your pregnant daughter lack? What actions can you and she take to improve these areas?
Which success traits do you possess? Which does she possess? Start by acknowledging your strong points and promising yourself to improve them. Experience shows that you'll make more progress by improving your strengths than by correcting your weaknesses.
1. have a dream. What are your daughter's dreams for her child? For her own education? For her career? For her personal life?
2. follow a plan. Sit down and write out a plan of how your pregnant daughter will reach for her dreams. Exactly how will she finish her education? Exactly what training does she need for a career that can support her? Exactly what does she need to do to improve her personal life? Be as specific as possible. Add dates where possible.
3. have specific knowledge. What does your pregnant daughter need to learn about in order to follow her dreams? What does she need to learn about in order to make a solid decision about parenting/adoption, and her relationships? Where can she get this knowledge?
4. are willing to work hard. How much time and effort is your daughter honestly willing to put into being successful as a parent/spouse/employee?
5. don't take no for an answer. Does your daughter get discouraged easily? How could she improve her self-confidence and resolve so that she can tackle the many challenges she will face in life?
6. are strongly motivated. What does your daughter feel are the things that motivate her? Money? Friends? Fun? A dream? Are these motivations enough to help her face obstacles?
7. are focused. What are the focuses of your daughter's life? Does she feel she needs to change her focus to other things? If so, what?
8. learn how to get things done. Does your daughter follow-through on tasks and complete them? Does she need to learn how to break down tasks so that they aren't so overwhelming?
9. take responsibility for their actions. Does your daughter take responsibility for her actions that contributed to her pregnancy and lifestyle?
10. make decisions. Has your daughter learned decision-making skills such as making pro/con lists so that she can evaluate a decision and then stick to it?
11. are self-reliant. Does your pregnant daughter expect everyone else to cater to her whims?
12. look for solutions. Does your daughter seek solutions to her problems, or simply whine about them and hope that someone else will take action?
13. cooperate with other people. Does your daughter allow other people to help her, and does she help other people in turn?
14. are enthusiastic. What topics is your daughter enthusiastic about? Is she enthusiastic about being a single parent? Or about getting married? Or should she look at adoption so that a family that is enthusiastic about being parents can pour their energy into her child?
According to productivity expert Jeffrey J. Mayer, successful people have 14 traits in common. They are:
1. have a dream
2. follow a plan
3. have specific knowledge
4. are willing to work hard
5. don't take no for an answer
6. are strongly motivated
7. are focused
8. learn how to get things done
9. take responsibility for their actions
10. make decisions
11. are self-reliant
12. look for solutions
13. cooperate with other people
14. are enthusiastic
What did each of you score?
Which success traits do you lack? Which success traits does your pregnant daughter lack? What actions can you and she take to improve these areas?
Which success traits do you possess? Which does she possess? Start by acknowledging your strong points and promising yourself to improve them. Experience shows that you'll make more progress by improving your strengths than by correcting your weaknesses.
1. have a dream. What are your daughter's dreams for her child? For her own education? For her career? For her personal life?
2. follow a plan. Sit down and write out a plan of how your pregnant daughter will reach for her dreams. Exactly how will she finish her education? Exactly what training does she need for a career that can support her? Exactly what does she need to do to improve her personal life? Be as specific as possible. Add dates where possible.
3. have specific knowledge. What does your pregnant daughter need to learn about in order to follow her dreams? What does she need to learn about in order to make a solid decision about parenting/adoption, and her relationships? Where can she get this knowledge?
4. are willing to work hard. How much time and effort is your daughter honestly willing to put into being successful as a parent/spouse/employee?
5. don't take no for an answer. Does your daughter get discouraged easily? How could she improve her self-confidence and resolve so that she can tackle the many challenges she will face in life?
6. are strongly motivated. What does your daughter feel are the things that motivate her? Money? Friends? Fun? A dream? Are these motivations enough to help her face obstacles?
7. are focused. What are the focuses of your daughter's life? Does she feel she needs to change her focus to other things? If so, what?
8. learn how to get things done. Does your daughter follow-through on tasks and complete them? Does she need to learn how to break down tasks so that they aren't so overwhelming?
9. take responsibility for their actions. Does your daughter take responsibility for her actions that contributed to her pregnancy and lifestyle?
10. make decisions. Has your daughter learned decision-making skills such as making pro/con lists so that she can evaluate a decision and then stick to it?
11. are self-reliant. Does your pregnant daughter expect everyone else to cater to her whims?
12. look for solutions. Does your daughter seek solutions to her problems, or simply whine about them and hope that someone else will take action?
13. cooperate with other people. Does your daughter allow other people to help her, and does she help other people in turn?
14. are enthusiastic. What topics is your daughter enthusiastic about? Is she enthusiastic about being a single parent? Or about getting married? Or should she look at adoption so that a family that is enthusiastic about being parents can pour their energy into her child?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Fetuses found to have memories
An article in the Washington Times, titled "Fetuses found to have memories", summarizes research about the memory capacity that babies have before birth.
Research shows that "the human fetus displays short-term memory from at least 30 weeks gestation - or about two months before they are born." And that "34-week-old fetuses are able to store information and retrieve it four weeks later".
Research shows that "the human fetus displays short-term memory from at least 30 weeks gestation - or about two months before they are born." And that "34-week-old fetuses are able to store information and retrieve it four weeks later".
Monday, July 20, 2009
Exercise during pregnancy
Watch CBS Videos Online
The above 3.5 minute video from CBS news reminds pregnant women that they should aim for 30 minutes of exercise every day. The related article says that research shows that "exercising during pregnancy can help women lose baby weight quicker and have shorter, less painful labors."
Have your pregnant daughter talk to her doctor about what exercise program would be best for her. Then exercise with her!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Monitoring your kids online
A news article titled "Houston teen's Myspace page reveals sex with adult, pregnancy fears" tells the story of a mother of a 14-year-old girl. The mother "often checks her daughter's page to check for risky behavior or contact with strangers, and it's even more amazing to her that such information was found on the main page for anyone to see. The mom always figured she'd find trouble in the "sent messages" or "inbox" where messages are sent privately between two Myspace users."
Monitoring your teen's online activities is a very good idea. Let your teens know that you will be checking their blog or other accounts. Discuss rules about online behavior with them (what kinds of information they post, what kinds of pictures, etc.) and rules about meeting online contacts in real life. We posted about "Sex and Technology" previously, giving tips and statistics. MySpace offers parents a few safety tips here.
The mother called the teen home from a friends house and sat down to talk with her. "The two had never even discussed the girl becoming sexually active, and the mom says she was convinced her daughter hadn't reached that point yet."
Talk with your kids early and often about your values about alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex. In a previous post called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor", we said: "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!
The news article continues, "The girl started to cry as she detailed for her mom that she was given alcohol while visiting a friend in Chambers County, east of Houston. She met a man from across the street and ended up crossing the street to talk with him, and the girl said the two ended up having sex." The mother then took her daughter to the police in order to file charges against the man but was shocked that the officer did not appear concerned and kept asking if the girl had agreed to the sexual activity. The article points out that, "In Texas, state law does not recognize that a child can give consent for sex with an adult. Statutory rape charges, felony charges of Sexual Assault of a Child, can be filed against an adult regardless of whether the child was coaxed or tricked into agreeing to sex." The article closes by saying that the mother hasn't been able to get the police to file charges.
If your underage daughter has been exploited by an adult, definitely pursue legal charges against the man. In addition, get your daughter medical attention and also counseling to help her process the situation.
Monitoring your teen's online activities is a very good idea. Let your teens know that you will be checking their blog or other accounts. Discuss rules about online behavior with them (what kinds of information they post, what kinds of pictures, etc.) and rules about meeting online contacts in real life. We posted about "Sex and Technology" previously, giving tips and statistics. MySpace offers parents a few safety tips here.
The mother called the teen home from a friends house and sat down to talk with her. "The two had never even discussed the girl becoming sexually active, and the mom says she was convinced her daughter hadn't reached that point yet."
Talk with your kids early and often about your values about alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex. In a previous post called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor", we said: "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!
The news article continues, "The girl started to cry as she detailed for her mom that she was given alcohol while visiting a friend in Chambers County, east of Houston. She met a man from across the street and ended up crossing the street to talk with him, and the girl said the two ended up having sex." The mother then took her daughter to the police in order to file charges against the man but was shocked that the officer did not appear concerned and kept asking if the girl had agreed to the sexual activity. The article points out that, "In Texas, state law does not recognize that a child can give consent for sex with an adult. Statutory rape charges, felony charges of Sexual Assault of a Child, can be filed against an adult regardless of whether the child was coaxed or tricked into agreeing to sex." The article closes by saying that the mother hasn't been able to get the police to file charges.
If your underage daughter has been exploited by an adult, definitely pursue legal charges against the man. In addition, get your daughter medical attention and also counseling to help her process the situation.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Baby's bone health
A Reuter's health article titled "Maternal diet affects infant's long-term bone health" is a good reminder that your pregnant daughter needs your help to plan her diet.
Help your pregnant daughter eat more fruits and vegetables, yogurt, whole wheat bread and breakfast cereals. Help her avoid chips and roast potatoes, sugar, white bread, processed meat, tinned vegetables and soft drinks.
Help your pregnant daughter eat more fruits and vegetables, yogurt, whole wheat bread and breakfast cereals. Help her avoid chips and roast potatoes, sugar, white bread, processed meat, tinned vegetables and soft drinks.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Strategies for parenting teens
The National Fatherhood Initiative offers a few tips to help parents survive the teen years.
1) Remember that raising your kids is a journey, and that the teen years will end. Focus on growing your teens into responsible, mature adults. What skills does your pregnant teen daughter need to learn in order to face the challenges of being a mother? What guidance does she need in order to consider making an adoption plan for her child?
2) "Recognize individuality. Take time to get to know your teen and his quirks, interests, and moods and feelings. Recognize the individual she is and praise her unique qualities. The teen years are full of stress and insecurity, and your child needs your affirmation." Look for ways to praise your pregnant daughter when she makes good choices and demonstrates good behaviors now, even though her previous choices and behaviors were not so great. Find a way to encourage her character, not just her actions.
3) "Seek To Understand. Look at the magazines your teen is reading, the shows she is watching, and meet his friends. Taking note of your teen's world will help you understand what he/she is going through." The more involved you are with your teen, the better your relationship will be and the more likely that your teens will talk to you about problems before they become a huge mess.
4) Listen. Ask your kids about their hopes, dreams and interests. Help your pregnant daughter brainstorm on how she can reach her dreams. Would an adoption plan help her to refocus on her interests and finish her education?
5) "Love. Always look for the potential in your kids and let them know that you love them." You do not have to approve of all your daughter's actions in order to tell her that you love her. Let her know that she has potential for the future and help her examine choices that will lead her toward that potential.
1) Remember that raising your kids is a journey, and that the teen years will end. Focus on growing your teens into responsible, mature adults. What skills does your pregnant teen daughter need to learn in order to face the challenges of being a mother? What guidance does she need in order to consider making an adoption plan for her child?
2) "Recognize individuality. Take time to get to know your teen and his quirks, interests, and moods and feelings. Recognize the individual she is and praise her unique qualities. The teen years are full of stress and insecurity, and your child needs your affirmation." Look for ways to praise your pregnant daughter when she makes good choices and demonstrates good behaviors now, even though her previous choices and behaviors were not so great. Find a way to encourage her character, not just her actions.
3) "Seek To Understand. Look at the magazines your teen is reading, the shows she is watching, and meet his friends. Taking note of your teen's world will help you understand what he/she is going through." The more involved you are with your teen, the better your relationship will be and the more likely that your teens will talk to you about problems before they become a huge mess.
4) Listen. Ask your kids about their hopes, dreams and interests. Help your pregnant daughter brainstorm on how she can reach her dreams. Would an adoption plan help her to refocus on her interests and finish her education?
5) "Love. Always look for the potential in your kids and let them know that you love them." You do not have to approve of all your daughter's actions in order to tell her that you love her. Let her know that she has potential for the future and help her examine choices that will lead her toward that potential.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Abortion impacts future parenting
The Elliot Institute News (vol 8, no 8) ran an article titled "Abortion has greater impact on parenting than other forms of pregnancy loss, new review finds." This article summarizes the findings of a study (performed by Priscilla Coleman of Bowling Green University) published in "Current Women's Health Reviews". This research study "focused on psychological reactions to these various types of loss and discussed how they might affect a mother's relationship with children born after the pregnancy loss."
"It is now known that women usually begin feeling maternal attachment in the early stages of pregnancy." Ask your pregnant daughter if she has begun feeling attachment to her child in her womb.
Citations
1. PK Coleman, "The Psychological Pain of Perinatal Loss and Subsequent Parenting Risks: Could Induced Abortion Be More Problematic Than Other Forms of Loss," Current Women's Health Issues 5: 88-99, 2009.
2. PK Coleman, DC Reardon, JR Cougle, “Substance use among pregnant women in the context of previous reproductive loss and desire for current pregnancy,” British Journal of Health Psychology 10: 255-268, 2005.
If you or your pregnant daughter are considering aborting her child, take the time to research the possible physical, emotional and spiritual risks that are associated with this action... not only risks to her own well-being but risks to her future children as well.
"It is now known that women usually begin feeling maternal attachment in the early stages of pregnancy." Ask your pregnant daughter if she has begun feeling attachment to her child in her womb.
The paper notes that despite the increased responsibilities and stress involved in raising children, "numerous studies have documented positive psychological characteristics associated with motherhood including increases in life satisfaction, self-esteem, empathy, restraint, flexibility and resourcefulness in coping, and assertiveness." Losing a child before or at birth, for any reason, however, "can be a profound source of suffering."Examining your own motherhood, have you found that being a mother has increased your life satisfaction? Your self-esteem? Your empathy? Your restraint? Your flexibility and resourcefulness in coping? Your assertiveness? Have you lost a child before or at birth for any reason, including abortion? Did you find this loss to be a source of suffering? If you did suffer the loss of a child, would you prefer that your pregnant daughter receive the possible positive psychological benefits of motherhood or the possible suffering of child loss?
"While all forms of pregnancy loss can cause emotional distress that can impact future parenting, the available research indicates that emotional responses after induced abortion are more likely to go unresolved and to persist for a longer time period."Why would that be true?
While "society understands that women who miscarry or relinquish a child through adoption may experience sadness and grief; however, grief after socially sanctioned because abortion is not acknowledged by our culture as a human death experience," and help to deal with the experience is usually not offered. ... Finding help and support after abortion is further hampered by the belief that, unlike other forms of pregnancy loss, abortion is optional and therefore women experience less distress afterwards.
Ask your daughter to be honest with you... does she really want to abort her child? Is she feeling conflicted? Is she feeling pressured to abort?Having an abortion is "sometimes quite inconsistent with the woman's true desires" (one survey found that 64 percent of American women who had abortions reported feeling pressured to abort), and many women, especially those who feel conflicted or didn't want the abortion, do feel emotional distress afterwards.
"The best evidence regarding negative effects of abortion indicates that 20-30 percent will experience serious psychological problems," Coleman wrote. "With 1.3 million U.S. abortions performed annually, a minimum of 130,000 new cases of abortion-related mental health problems appear each year."Many times, a pregnant woman will say that she is choosing abortion because she wants to be a parent later in life instead of now. The research study describes "a number of ways that a previous abortion can effect a woman's relationship" with the children she gives birth to later at some point after the abortion.
And while abortion advocates frequently argue that abortion is better than carrying
an unplanned pregnancy to term, the evidence suggests otherwise.
Studies of women with unplanned pregnancies found that women who aborted had higher risks of depression, substance abuse and anxiety, and teens who aborted an unintended pregnancy were more likely to experience negative mental health outcomes than their peers who carried to term. Further, a recent New Zealand study led by a pro-choice researcher found no evidence that abortion provided any mental health benefits to women even in cases of unplanned pregnancy.
1) Increased depression and anxiety. Abortion has been linked to higher rates of maternal depression and anxiety before and after birth, which may effect the woman's relationship with her children. In addition, depression is a common predictor for child abuse.
2) Sleep disorders and disturbances. Women who have had an abortion are more likely to experience sleep disorders compared to women who carry to term, and one survey found that many women attributed the sleep disorders to a past abortion. These sleep disturbances "could render the high energy demands of parenting more complicated."
3) Substance abuse. Studies have found that women who had an abortion were more likely to engage in substance abuse, and also more likely to smoke or use drugs or alcohol while pregnant. Mothers who abuse drugs or alcohol are more likely to "engage in authoritarian and punitive parenting practices," and parental substance abuse increases the risk that the children will suffer abuse or neglect.
4) Child abuse. Abortion has been associated with lower emotional support for one's children and with a higher risk of child abuse and neglect.Abortion has also been linked to higher rates of suicide and to a wide range of mental health disorders. Coleman was also the lead author of a study published in The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, which found that the children of women who had abortions have less supportive home environments and more
behavioral problems than children of women without a history of abortion. [2]
While the review noted that not every woman may experience psychological problems after abortion that will carry over into their personal relationships, "some women will have carryover effects into the parenting realm." The paper pointed to a need for better screening and awareness of possible psychological problems after miscarriage, adoption and abortion, and for more research to examine the effects of abortion.
Citations
1. PK Coleman, "The Psychological Pain of Perinatal Loss and Subsequent Parenting Risks: Could Induced Abortion Be More Problematic Than Other Forms of Loss," Current Women's Health Issues 5: 88-99, 2009.
2. PK Coleman, DC Reardon, JR Cougle, “Substance use among pregnant women in the context of previous reproductive loss and desire for current pregnancy,” British Journal of Health Psychology 10: 255-268, 2005.
If you or your pregnant daughter are considering aborting her child, take the time to research the possible physical, emotional and spiritual risks that are associated with this action... not only risks to her own well-being but risks to her future children as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)