Formally adopting your daughter's child as your own child is definitely an option that can be considered. We talk about this option in the chapter "Should We Adopt the Baby?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". In our book, we say:
I am entirely opposed to grandparents adopting their grandchild IF they plan to pretend it is their own child and perpetuate a family secret. I have never found that family secrets bring good, but have often found they bring distrust, anger, and lie upon lie. Secrecy causes shame, guilt, fear, isolation and defensivness. If you plan to formally adopt your grandchild, the truth should be spoken from the beginning. The child's mother should be identified as such. One of the main complications with adoption inside the family is that when a daughter matures and is on her feet, she may feel that she has the right to reclaim her child. This can cause anguish and turmoil for everyone.
Whether you plan to adopt your grandchild or simply be the legal guardian, you need to talk with a lawyer to create the proper legal paperwork that supports this relationship.
In addition, the decision must rest with your pregnant daughter... she must carefully consider every option and make her own decision on what is best for her child.
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We are in this situation currently, and our daughter just made the decision today for us to adopt her baby. We have already raised seven children, the youngest being 16 this coming February. The new baby is due the beginning of February, so there will be quite a gap between them. It will be like starting over.
We have given this much prayer and consideration. We have sought guidance and talked a lot together. We will be sitting down again next week to see where we go from here.
Some things that are important to us are that the baby grows up always knowing where he/she came from and that our daughter always know that she is still our daughter and an important part of this family.
We think we have covered many important bases, but there are still thing to figure out. One is learning just how to raise a baby as our own, but still raise the baby to know his/her mother and make this a positive experience for everyone. We see this as a real opportunity to bring us all together in a very special way.
The next step will be talking to our boys. The are 16 and 18...almost. It is important to us that they be included in this process as they are the ones that are still at home being educated and finishing this phase of their life. We do not want to take anything away from them in the process.
After that we need to clue the rest of the kids in that do not live at home anymore. We are still feeling our way through, and know that God is right there leading the way.
I think I'm still in shock that we are actually excited about being parents again. What a strange time it is for us. Thank you for having these resources out here. It is so difficult to find information for a family in our situation. This a a decision that is being made prayerfully and consciously. We are not adopting the baby because it was abandoned or the parents are on drugs. Our situation is nothing like that, and it seems that is where most of the information lies.
We are now embarking on a new chapter in life. It will be interesting to see where God leads us.
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