Parents: You Do Make A Difference

Continuing our theme of talking with your children about sexuality, here are excerpts from this article. You may feel that your children don't want to hear from you about personal issues such as sex, but surveys continue to indicate that kids DO want you to share your knowledge and express your opinions.

In a 2007 survey commissioned by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 47 percent of young persons age 12 through 19 listed parents as having the most influence in decisions regarding sex. Among those age 12 through 14, parents were even more important. Nearly 60 percent of adolescents surveyed listed parents as most important. Friends came in a distant second with 18 percent of young people listing them as most influential and just 13 percent of those age 12 to 14. The survey involved 1,037 adolescents and teenagers and 1,162 adults.
"Year after year, teens cite parents as one of the most influential sources about their decisions about sex. They say it consistently and by large margins," said Bill Albert, the campaign's chief program officer. "It really goes hand in glove with very good social science research that has suggested kids who are closely connected to their parents are less likely to engage in destructive behaviors, including smoking, drinking and being sexually active," Albert said. "Parents really are critical. I don't think parents know that."

The article continues with this advice on talking points:

• Remember, young people view parents as the primary source about sex and development. Ask your daughter what her current sources of information about sex and development are. What topics would she like more information on?
• Talk to young people early and often, emphasizing the emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of sex. Ask your daughter to summarize her understanding of your beliefs about sex, then clarify any points with her. Ask her about her beliefs, including whether she disagrees with you on any particular point.
• Provide a clear message about values. Ask your daughter if she understands your values, and whether she also holds those values.
• Look for teachable moments throughout the day, including while watching TV or listening to music.
• Take the time to learn what your child is or is not being taught in school.
• Preteens often want to know what's "normal" and whether they qualify. Older teens are often looking for specifics.
• Keep communication open, but be ready to hear bad news. If a teenage child admits being sexually active, begin by welcoming the honesty. Get your child tested for STDs immediately. Ask your child to figure out why they are sexually active.
• Eat at least one meal together every day and turn off the TV.
• Avoid scare tactics, but be ready for a frank discussion about STDs. You can learn about them at the CDC website.
• Remember your work day is the prime time for adolescent sexual activity. Are your children supervised by an adult during the hours between school getting out and your arrival home from work? If not, what changes could you make?