Why? Why? Why?!

Little children are not the only ones who constantly ask "Why?" The number one search phrase leading to this blog is also "Why", and it's also a question that haunts parents as they try to make sense of their single daughter's pregnancy.

The question is phrased lots of different ways (as taken from our stat logs):

• Why teens get pregnant
• Why do teens want to get pregnant
• Why do teenagers get pregnant
• Reason why teens get pregnant
• Why do so many teens get pregnant
• Why do teens get pregnancy [sic]
• Why do so many teenage girls get pregnant
• Why do teenagers get early pregnancy
• Book on why teenagers get pregnant
• Why girls get pregnant early
• Why do teens get pregnant at an early age
• Why do teens get pregnant early
• Reasons teens get pregnant
• The reasons teens get pregnant

The basic answer to all of these queries is "the reason teens get pregnant is that they are having sex." It may seem obvious to some, but not to others. We recently worked with a young couple where the girl was pregnant and all the boy could say (over and over and over) was "It was only sex! It was only sex!" He just could not get his mind around the fact that sex and pregnancy are intimately joined.

Our media has worked very hard to create the falsehood that sex is recreation only, that there are no consequences physically (pregnancy, STDs), emotionally (broken hearts and trouble trusting in future relationships), and spiritually (continuous intentional sin for singles having sex will lead to a hardened spirit). The 2005 "Sex on TV 4" report says

Across all scenes with sexual content in the teen sample, only 5% mention any risk and responsibility topics (see Table 22), almost the identical percentage observed for television overall (4%). Of the three categories of sexual risk and responsibility messages, the most common is sexual precaution, with 3% of sexual scenes addressing this topic, followed by the depiction of risks and/or negative consequences of sex (2%), and sexual patience (1%).

So in analyzing TV shows popular with teens, only 5% of scenes mention the fact that there are consequences to sex. The most common approach is simply to talk about contraceptives or prevention of STDs. The second approach is depiction of risks and/or negative consequences of sexual behavior. And the least common approach is to talk about abstinence or delaying sex ('sexual patience'). The "Sex on TV 4" report notes that "Sexual encounters that are presented without any of these elements certainly convey a much different message to the audience, and in
particular to young viewers, than portrayals that include them."

In chapter 2 "The Importance of First Words", in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy", we have a list of other possible reasons that may be a factor in a single daughter's pregnancy. One possible reason on that list is that your daughter may have been a victim of someone who exploited her innocence. A 2004 study found that 44% of high school students think that boys at their school often or sometimes push girls to drink alcohol or take drugs in order to get the girls to have sex or do other sexual things (from the "National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse IX: Teen Dating Practices and Sexual Activity" by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University (http://www.casacolumbia.org/)).

Whether or not your daughter is pregnant, brainstorm with her all the factors that contribute to her sexual activity. See if the two of you can figure out "WHY" she is having sex. Is she being pressured or exploited? Is she hoping to "buy" love by giving sex? Has she been tested for STDs with each new sexual partner? Get your daughter the medical and emotional help she needs to make better choices going forward.