Based on the search keywords in our stat logs, many parents are searching the web for information about how to help your pregnant single daughter get out of an abusive relationship. You might have noticed warning signs about her relationship, such as:
Ask your daughter is she is being slapped, hit or kicked. Ask her if she is being teased, bullied, or humiliated. Ask her if someone is threatening her or intimidating her, especially if there are threats that she will be harmed if she tries to leave the relationship. Ask her if the partner is trying to control her (what she wears, where she goes, who she talks to, etc.). Ask her if the person is making unwanted sexual advances, including saying things like "If you loved me, you would do ______."
Your daughter must first learn to realize that she is worthy of being treated with respect. She must learn to realize that the abuse is not her fault, that she does not deserve it. Listen to your daughter without judgement and ask her to explain the nature of her relationship. Affirm her that it takes courage to stop abuse and that she has your full support. Your daughter must learn to see that the relationship is dangerous for her. You will probably need a lot of patience in this process because many abused women are afraid to leave the relationship because of prior threats or because they are dependent on the abuser financially or emotionally. Is your daughter afraid that she will be judged by you (or friends or family) if she leaves this relationship? Is she afraid no one else can love her, so abuse is tolerable because of the positive moments? Help your daughter find the counseling she needs. Take her to the doctor for a physical examination, and to record any injuries. Together, seek counsel about her legal situation... should she press charges? Should she seek a restraining order?
- unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
- excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
- secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
- avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense
Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.
Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too.
Ask your daughter is she is being slapped, hit or kicked. Ask her if she is being teased, bullied, or humiliated. Ask her if someone is threatening her or intimidating her, especially if there are threats that she will be harmed if she tries to leave the relationship. Ask her if the partner is trying to control her (what she wears, where she goes, who she talks to, etc.). Ask her if the person is making unwanted sexual advances, including saying things like "If you loved me, you would do ______."
Your daughter must first learn to realize that she is worthy of being treated with respect. She must learn to realize that the abuse is not her fault, that she does not deserve it. Listen to your daughter without judgement and ask her to explain the nature of her relationship. Affirm her that it takes courage to stop abuse and that she has your full support. Your daughter must learn to see that the relationship is dangerous for her. You will probably need a lot of patience in this process because many abused women are afraid to leave the relationship because of prior threats or because they are dependent on the abuser financially or emotionally. Is your daughter afraid that she will be judged by you (or friends or family) if she leaves this relationship? Is she afraid no one else can love her, so abuse is tolerable because of the positive moments? Help your daughter find the counseling she needs. Take her to the doctor for a physical examination, and to record any injuries. Together, seek counsel about her legal situation... should she press charges? Should she seek a restraining order?
For more information, look at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, or call them at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) available 24 hours a day. For teens, look at the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline website, or call them at 866-331-9474.
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