Scientific American has a short slide show that addresses seven myths about pregnancy.
1) Myth: Only the mother's biological clock matters.
2) Myth: Fat pregnant women are more likely to have overweight babies.
3) Myth: Gender can be predicted by size of "baby bump".
4) Myth: Pregnant women should avoid eating peanuts to decrease the chance that the baby will be allergic to them.
5) Myth: A fetus with a full head of hair causes mother to have more heartburn.
6) Myth: Lifting heavy objects could cause the placenta to detach from the uterus.
7) Myth: Women eat more food when expecting a boy.
I'm sure your pregnant daughter has heard lots of other pregnancy myths. We've blogged about some of them previously. Ask her what she's heard about pregnancy, and then research those ideas together to see if they are true or false.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wonderful AND exhausting, confusing, infuriating
A recent article titled "Moms spill truth about motherhood" starts by saying "Motherhood is a wonderful responsibility -- but it can also be exhausting, confusing, infuriating and downright funny."
Talk with your pregnant daughter about what your life was like before you had children, and immediately after you gave birth.
Did you feel alone? Overwhelmed? Inadequate? What support did you have?
Did you feel maternal right away?
How is your pregnant daughter's situation similar and different from your own?
Brainstorm ways to cope with the feelings of being alone, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived, which your daughter will feel after she gives birth.
Talk with your pregnant daughter about what your life was like before you had children, and immediately after you gave birth.
Did you feel alone? Overwhelmed? Inadequate? What support did you have?
Did you feel maternal right away?
How is your pregnant daughter's situation similar and different from your own?
Brainstorm ways to cope with the feelings of being alone, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived, which your daughter will feel after she gives birth.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Guidance vs Independence
The National Fatherhood Initiative has a great list of tips about helping your kids think independently and make good choices for themselves yet still provide the guidance and boundaries they need. These tips can be applied to your pregnant daughter and to any of her younger siblings.
1) Get their opinion. Your pregnant daughter has a LOT of decisions to make about her own future and the future of her child, your grandchild. Handle one decision at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. Ask her opinion about the particular decision and ask her to explain the reasons she used to arrive at that opinion; explain your opinion and the logic you used to arrive at that opinion. Do research together to make sure you've got the facts right; change your opinion if the facts show that you were wrong about something.
2) Let them experience consequences. Your pregnant daughter is currently experiencing one consequence of her sexual activity outside of marriage. She is responsible for the care of her child. Spend a lot of time talking with your spouse and with caring advisors about what kind of aid you will provide your daughter, given her stage of life. I recently heard an interesting phrase: "Enabling is doing something for someone that they CAN and should be doing for themselves." This will be different for each situation. A young teen is likely not capable of living on their own outside your home, so you are not enabling her by housing her. On the other hand, you might be enabling a 20-something by providing free housing. You'll have to evaluate the capabilities of your pregnant daughter in each area, and let her experience reasonable consequences relative to her capabilities.
3) Praise good decisions. Offer verbal praise when your pregnant daughter makes a good decision even if you're still angry or fearful of the general situation. For example, praise her for eating right and getting prenatal care even if you're still angry that she's pregnant at all.
4) Face fears together. Talk to your pregnant daughter about your fears, not only for her and her child, but for your own life. Tell her how you've handled fears in your life so far. Ask her about her fears. Help her brainstorm ways to handle her fears about her future.
5) Don't give up! Encourage your pregnant daughter to persevere, to learn new skills, and to develop a strong work ethic and motivation. These traits will serve her well regardless of whether she marries the baby's father, is a single parent, or parents via adoption.
1) Get their opinion. Your pregnant daughter has a LOT of decisions to make about her own future and the future of her child, your grandchild. Handle one decision at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. Ask her opinion about the particular decision and ask her to explain the reasons she used to arrive at that opinion; explain your opinion and the logic you used to arrive at that opinion. Do research together to make sure you've got the facts right; change your opinion if the facts show that you were wrong about something.
2) Let them experience consequences. Your pregnant daughter is currently experiencing one consequence of her sexual activity outside of marriage. She is responsible for the care of her child. Spend a lot of time talking with your spouse and with caring advisors about what kind of aid you will provide your daughter, given her stage of life. I recently heard an interesting phrase: "Enabling is doing something for someone that they CAN and should be doing for themselves." This will be different for each situation. A young teen is likely not capable of living on their own outside your home, so you are not enabling her by housing her. On the other hand, you might be enabling a 20-something by providing free housing. You'll have to evaluate the capabilities of your pregnant daughter in each area, and let her experience reasonable consequences relative to her capabilities.
3) Praise good decisions. Offer verbal praise when your pregnant daughter makes a good decision even if you're still angry or fearful of the general situation. For example, praise her for eating right and getting prenatal care even if you're still angry that she's pregnant at all.
4) Face fears together. Talk to your pregnant daughter about your fears, not only for her and her child, but for your own life. Tell her how you've handled fears in your life so far. Ask her about her fears. Help her brainstorm ways to handle her fears about her future.
5) Don't give up! Encourage your pregnant daughter to persevere, to learn new skills, and to develop a strong work ethic and motivation. These traits will serve her well regardless of whether she marries the baby's father, is a single parent, or parents via adoption.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Blessings, trust, and fear
In a recent article called "Ten Benefts of Difficult Economic Times", authors Wes Willmer and Calvin Howe have some interesting points that are relevant to the parents of a pregnant daughter.
When you are in the midst of all the emotions of discovering that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage, you can feel overwhelmed with negativity. So counter that negativity by being active in counting your blessings. Write down your blessings. Brainstorm to find more blessings that don't leap to mind easily. Maybe write your list on a sheet of paper that is posted in your kitchen so that you can review them regularly and even add to them when you think of a new one. America is a very rich country compared to a lot of the world. Even when things are very very tough in terms of food and material posessions, you may still have blessings that some parts of the world do not have... such as freedom to go to the church of your choice, freedom to have more than one child rather than a forced abortion, freedom to vote, etc. So rediscover the blessings you have, and express gratitude for them!
The challenge of a pregnant daughter during tougher economic times is an opportunity to trust God rather than your own resources. "God, as Creator, owns all in the created world. When our earthly resources dry up, we are reminded that we should trust God. All we have, we are managing for Him as stewards. The recession should bring us back to relying first and foremost on God, and not trusting in our own power."
Today is a day to rejoice. This is the day that the Lord has made! "While the watchword of today's world may be fear and panic, Christians can rejoice because their security is not in their bank accounts." Fear is not from God. God's perfect love will cast out fear unless you are clinging to the fear. So choose to let go of the fear and to cling to God's love for you instead.
When you are in the midst of all the emotions of discovering that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage, you can feel overwhelmed with negativity. So counter that negativity by being active in counting your blessings. Write down your blessings. Brainstorm to find more blessings that don't leap to mind easily. Maybe write your list on a sheet of paper that is posted in your kitchen so that you can review them regularly and even add to them when you think of a new one. America is a very rich country compared to a lot of the world. Even when things are very very tough in terms of food and material posessions, you may still have blessings that some parts of the world do not have... such as freedom to go to the church of your choice, freedom to have more than one child rather than a forced abortion, freedom to vote, etc. So rediscover the blessings you have, and express gratitude for them!
The challenge of a pregnant daughter during tougher economic times is an opportunity to trust God rather than your own resources. "God, as Creator, owns all in the created world. When our earthly resources dry up, we are reminded that we should trust God. All we have, we are managing for Him as stewards. The recession should bring us back to relying first and foremost on God, and not trusting in our own power."
Today is a day to rejoice. This is the day that the Lord has made! "While the watchword of today's world may be fear and panic, Christians can rejoice because their security is not in their bank accounts." Fear is not from God. God's perfect love will cast out fear unless you are clinging to the fear. So choose to let go of the fear and to cling to God's love for you instead.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Challenging Times
In a recent article called "Ten Benefts of Difficult Economic Times", authors Wes Willmer and Calvin Howe have some interesting points that are relevant to the parents of a pregnant daughter.
They say, "God gives us challenging times to (1) deepen our own personal faith, (2) improve our ...long-term effectiveness, and (3) focus on our call to fulfill the Great Commission of winning the world to Christ. No matter how bad our situation... God is with His people, and He provides a way for us to find joy and contentment within the circumstance in which we find ourselves."
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage destroy your faith. Recognize this as a time to deepen your own faith. Don't cut yourself off from church, fellowship, and your personal time with God. Now is the time for more Bible study and prayer, not less. Search the Bible for verses that address the emotions you are facing. You may find it helpful to read "Daily Contentment with God" by Howard Ford, a daily devotional that shows you how the Bible has practical advice for topics like anger, fear, and depression.
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage derail your ministry. You may be like Queen Esther ... you are going through this challenge so that you can minister to others based on what you experience now. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Your daughter's child is now a member of your responsibility in the Great Commission. God is placing this child in your family. God desires you to minister to that child, teach him/her about God, and lead that child into God's family.
A Christian woman we worked with recently told us that she was reluctantly but seriously considering abortion because she was uncertain about the future of her relationship with the baby's father and she was uncertain about the future economic situation. You may be feeling the same. Write down a reminder that God is with you. Post the reminder where you will see it. Write down a reminder that God provides a way through the challenges of life. Do not give in to the "quick and easy" abortion that destroys the child God has created. The future is always uncertain..this will never change. Matthew 6:34 reminds us "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." So take Godly actions today instead of sinful actions based on fear of the future.
They say, "God gives us challenging times to (1) deepen our own personal faith, (2) improve our ...long-term effectiveness, and (3) focus on our call to fulfill the Great Commission of winning the world to Christ. No matter how bad our situation... God is with His people, and He provides a way for us to find joy and contentment within the circumstance in which we find ourselves."
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage destroy your faith. Recognize this as a time to deepen your own faith. Don't cut yourself off from church, fellowship, and your personal time with God. Now is the time for more Bible study and prayer, not less. Search the Bible for verses that address the emotions you are facing. You may find it helpful to read "Daily Contentment with God" by Howard Ford, a daily devotional that shows you how the Bible has practical advice for topics like anger, fear, and depression.
Don't let the challenge of a daughter pregnant outside of marriage derail your ministry. You may be like Queen Esther ... you are going through this challenge so that you can minister to others based on what you experience now. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Your daughter's child is now a member of your responsibility in the Great Commission. God is placing this child in your family. God desires you to minister to that child, teach him/her about God, and lead that child into God's family.
A Christian woman we worked with recently told us that she was reluctantly but seriously considering abortion because she was uncertain about the future of her relationship with the baby's father and she was uncertain about the future economic situation. You may be feeling the same. Write down a reminder that God is with you. Post the reminder where you will see it. Write down a reminder that God provides a way through the challenges of life. Do not give in to the "quick and easy" abortion that destroys the child God has created. The future is always uncertain..this will never change. Matthew 6:34 reminds us "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." So take Godly actions today instead of sinful actions based on fear of the future.
Friday, April 3, 2009
The outcome
Today, make an effort to not focus so much on how out of control you feel about your daughter's pregnancy outside of marriage. Just for today.
Instead, today focus on the things you do have control over: namely, how you will face Today. Your own attitude. Your own choices for the day.
What can you do today to help make today okay?
Don't beat yourself up ... treat yourself well.
Eat right.
Get some exercise.
Connect with supportive friends.
Connect with God.
Instead, today focus on the things you do have control over: namely, how you will face Today. Your own attitude. Your own choices for the day.
What can you do today to help make today okay?
Don't beat yourself up ... treat yourself well.
Eat right.
Get some exercise.
Connect with supportive friends.
Connect with God.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Supporting your spouse
When a daughter announces her pregnancy outside of marriage, you can bet that a lot of the time her mother and father will react differently from each other.
In "A Conversation with a Counselor" (March/April 2009 issue of Stepping Stones newsletter by Bethany Christian Services), author John Van Regenmorter encourages husbands and wives to consider the following:
In "A Conversation with a Counselor" (March/April 2009 issue of Stepping Stones newsletter by Bethany Christian Services), author John Van Regenmorter encourages husbands and wives to consider the following:
- Be patient with each other. Men and women are going to handle this differently. It doesn't mean that one spouse is handling it right and the other is handling it wrong; it just means that each spouse is handling it differently.
- Do not rely only on your spouse for support - that puts a lot of pressure on your marriage. You cannot expect your spouse to be everything for you throughout this entire process. Find a friend or support group to help you, or look for support online.
- Communicate with your spouse. Most men truly want to make their wives feel better. They would love to fix the situation, but they can't. Women need to tell their husbands what they can do. Men are not mind readers. Wives my need to say, "You can't fix this, but I really appreciate it when you bring me flowers, or I really appreciate it when you just give me some time by myself."
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Talking with my husband" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
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