When you first discover that your single daughter is pregnant, you're probably overwhelmed with anger, pain, and disappointment. There may come a time in the future for tough love, but this is not it. You need to make the decisions surrounding tough love when you are calm and have had time to consider all the options, possibilities and consequences. Right now a formal confrontation of your daughter and the father of your grandchild will probably be simply an expression of your anger and pain, both of which may close the doors to further communication.
It is absolutely acceptable to tell your daughter that you need time to collect your thoughts and to sort through your feelings. In the same way that your daughter probably took time to figure out how and when to tell you that she was pregnant, ask her to give you time to figure out how to respond so that you are not simply reacting out of the emotion of the moment. However, focus on reaffirming your love now and in future conversations to help keep the lines of communication open. Your daughter will be more willing to hear your thoughts and feelings when she sees that you are not punishing her by withdrawing your love, that you are not passing judgment on her by withholding your love.
Share with us: How did your single daughter tell you she was pregnant? Is there anything you wish she had said or done differently in tell you this news?
2 comments:
I just found out that my 17 year old daughter is pregnant. I cannot stop crying, my stomach hurts and the anxiety I feel inside hurts. I am not communicating effectively because of my anger. The biological father is not someone we approved of her seeing and they had been broken up for a month. I am in my last year of nursing school and I feel like I cannot even function. I am going to make an appointment with my physician to see if I can get help.
Even though it feels awful and abnormal, you are reacting with very normal emotions. Stress and grief are both likely to upset your stomach and keep you crying. You are not alone in your reactions! You and your daughter have three very important decisions to make. Each decision will change her life and change your life. Will your daughter abort her child, your grandchild? Will your daughter choose an adoptive family to raise her child? Will your daughter parent her child? No matter what she chooses, there will be many emotional and difficult changes in her future and in yours. Don't make these decisions quickly... research all of them carefully. Take time to think and pray. Everyone around you will be giving their opinions and advice. Don't rush into anything. We'll be praying for you, here at Chalfont House!
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