If those tapes in your head are telling you that you're a bad parent, a failure, please know that you're not the only one who feels that way. Many Christian parents start to wonder what they did wrong in raising their Christian daughter that she would be sexually active and pregnant outside of marriage. Introspection can be healthy and it can also be unhealthy.
Healthy introspection can help you identify parenting choices that didn't turn out like you intended, so that you can take steps to make better parenting choices as you move forward.
Unhealthy introspection gets you stuck in the past, unable to move forward, focusing only on regrets and on blaming yourself and/or your spouse. You are not alone in these feelings, but remind yourself constantly that no parent is perfect just as no child is perfect. Your children make mistakes, just as you have made mistakes. 1 John 1:8 says, "If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth." (NLT) Every human on the planet today makes mistakes.
As you pray, ask the Lord to show you if there is anything you've done for which you need to ask your child for forgiveness. Let the Holy Spirit search you and lead you to any revelations, rather than you micro-examining your memories. Use Psalm 139:23-24 in your prayer, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (NIV) God promises that when you seek Him, you will find Him. Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." (ASV) As God reveals shortcomings to you, confess them and embrace His forgivness, for 1 John 1:9 promises, "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong." (NLT)
When parents are dwelling on their pain, they often accuse each other of contributing to the problem. Actively work on talking to each other without accusations. In addition, don't give your spouse the 'silent treatment'...this is a time where you both need to share your thoughts and feelings and find support in each other. This is a time for your marriage to come together, not to push each other away. Pray outloud with each other. Share your journal entries. Read chapters from "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" outloud together and discuss them. Work on these exercises from Marriage Enrichment, called "Knee to Knee - Dealing with Grief". Your daughter's pregnancy is a crisis that triggers a grief cycle for all involved, and normal grief feels abnormal. So take the time to talk. Don't try to cope with this alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment