As the mother of a child retarded with phenylketonuria, I can ask myself, at this reflective moment, if I had rather she had never been born. No, let me ask the question fully. Could it have been possible for me to have the foreknowledge of her thwarted life, would I have wanted abortion?What do you think of Pearl's reasoning on abortion?
Now with full knowledge of anguish and despair, the answer is No, I would not. Even in full knowledge I would have chosen life, and this for two reasons: First, I fear the power of choice over life or death at human hands, I see no human being whom I could ever trust with such power- not myself, not any other.
Human wisdowm, human integrity are not great enough. Since the fetus is a creature already alive and in the process of development, to kill it is to choose death over life. At what point shall we allow this choice? For me the answer is - at no point, once life has begun.
At no point, I repeat, either as life begins or as life ends, for we who are human beings cannot, for our own safety, be allowed to choose death, life being all we know. Beyond life lie only faith and surmise, but not knowledge. Where there is no knowledge except for life, decision for death is not safe for the human race.
The principle thus established, I go to my second reason for rejection of abortion, in my own case. My child's life has not been meaningless. She has indeed brought comfort and practical help to many people who are parents of retarded children or are themselves handicapped.
True, she has done it through me, yet without her I would not have had the means of learning how to accept the inevitable sorrow, and how to make that acceptance useful to others.
Would I be so heartless as to say that it has been worthwhile for my child to be born retarded? Certainly not, but I am saying that even though gravely retarded it has been worthwhile for her to have lived.
It can be summed up, perhaps, by saying that in this world, where cruelty prevails in so many aspects of our life I would not add the weight of choice to kill rather than to let live.
A retarded child, a handicapped person, brings its own gift to life, even to the life of normal human beings. That gift is comprehended in the lessons or patiences, understanding, and mercy, lessons which we all need to receive and to practice with one another, whatever we are.
For this gift bestowed upon me by a helpless child, I give my thanks.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Pearl S. Buck "Every Life is a Gift"
Pearl S. Buck wrote the following essay in 1968, as the foreward to Robert E. Cooke's book "Terrible Choice: The Abortion Dilemma." Note that the vocabulary used to respectfully describe persons with disabilities has changed since 1968 when this essay was published.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Real Story: Nikki Parsons
Nikki Parsons tells her story:
She was 17 when she got a positive pregnancy test on Christmas Eve. She says she was scared to death. She was contemplating abortion, but "I knew in my heart I couldn't abort my child, and after seeing the ultrasound my decision was clear."
She kept her pregnancy hidden for three months. "My biggest obstacle was my own thoughts of shame and the betrayal of close friends. For many nights, I cried myself to sleep feeling so alone."
When she finally told everyone, her family and ex-boyfriend (father of the baby) were supportive, even though her mother cried and her father expressed his stress with chain-smoking.
The baby's father begged her not to abort but to give birth and let him raise the child if she didn't want to. She talked to him a few times, but had very little to do with him during her pregnancy. But after an emergency C-section birth, the baby's father re-entered her life to stay.
"Four weeks after bringing my daughter home from the hospital, I started my senior year in high school. My parents and boyfriend's mother would watch my daughter during the day while I was in class. Three years later, we married and now we have two more wonderful children. I am now 30 years old and am in the process of completing my bachelor's degree in social work. Life has not been easy, having many trials and tribulations along the way. My best advice to teenage mothers is never to give up hope on their dreams and love your children with all your heart because they are a blessing no matter what the circumstances."
Talk to your pregnant daughter about Nikki's story. What were her feelings when she got a positive pregnancy test? Did she think about aborting her child? What does she think of Nikki's advice to love her child with all her heart because children are a blessing no matter the circumstances? While she was waiting to tell everyone about being pregnant, what were her fears of how people would react? What are your daughter's plans for finishing school? Does your daughter want to marry the baby's father?
You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Should They Marry?” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
She was 17 when she got a positive pregnancy test on Christmas Eve. She says she was scared to death. She was contemplating abortion, but "I knew in my heart I couldn't abort my child, and after seeing the ultrasound my decision was clear."
She kept her pregnancy hidden for three months. "My biggest obstacle was my own thoughts of shame and the betrayal of close friends. For many nights, I cried myself to sleep feeling so alone."
When she finally told everyone, her family and ex-boyfriend (father of the baby) were supportive, even though her mother cried and her father expressed his stress with chain-smoking.
The baby's father begged her not to abort but to give birth and let him raise the child if she didn't want to. She talked to him a few times, but had very little to do with him during her pregnancy. But after an emergency C-section birth, the baby's father re-entered her life to stay.
"Four weeks after bringing my daughter home from the hospital, I started my senior year in high school. My parents and boyfriend's mother would watch my daughter during the day while I was in class. Three years later, we married and now we have two more wonderful children. I am now 30 years old and am in the process of completing my bachelor's degree in social work. Life has not been easy, having many trials and tribulations along the way. My best advice to teenage mothers is never to give up hope on their dreams and love your children with all your heart because they are a blessing no matter what the circumstances."
Talk to your pregnant daughter about Nikki's story. What were her feelings when she got a positive pregnancy test? Did she think about aborting her child? What does she think of Nikki's advice to love her child with all her heart because children are a blessing no matter the circumstances? While she was waiting to tell everyone about being pregnant, what were her fears of how people would react? What are your daughter's plans for finishing school? Does your daughter want to marry the baby's father?
You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Should They Marry?” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Why do teens have kids? South-Central Idaho answers
A recent article about higher teen pregnancy rates in south-central Idaho asked several teens and others why they thought teens were having babies.
18-year-old mother Kiyana said, “We talked about having a baby, but we didn’t actually plan it. Some kids plan to have their babies now, big time. … I just get this vibe that they want to wanted and want to have a kid.”
Talk to your pregnant daughter about this quote. Did your pregnant daughter talk about having a baby with her partner? If so, what did they talk about? What were the reasons pro and con that they discussed? What did they think the benefits and downsides of having a baby together would be?
Did your pregnant daughter actually plan this pregnancy? If she did, what were her reasons? What benefits did she believe would be associated with having her baby at this point in her life?
Ask your kids, “What do you think someone means when they say they want to be wanted?” Does ‘being wanted’ mean love? Does it just mean sex appeal? Do they mean that they think the baby will need, want and love them?
A high school principal is also quoted in the article, explaining his opinion on why there are so many teen parents: “The social stigma [of having a baby as a teen] has gone by the wayside. … It’s a pretty cool thing to bring your child to school” as if the baby were a cute object to take to show-and-tell.
Talk to your kids about this quote. What are their thoughts about the social stigma of being a teen mom? Do they know people who agree that babies are a great item for show-and-tell?
Josh, an 18-year-old father of a 2yr old is also quoted in the article. His opinion about why there are so many teen parents is that “everybody just goes to parties. They get drunk and messed up and can’t control themselves.” Talk to your kids about this opinion. Do they agree that drinking and sex are frequently connected at the parties they go to? Are teens as young as 16 drinking alcohol at the parties they go to? Was alcohol involved in the situation that produced your daughter’s pregnancy?
Josh says that the schools teach abstinence in addition to sex education but that the messages don’t always get through to the teens: “It’s just how teenagers are. They don’t know what to expect and they don’t really care what happens. They just go for it. And we basically go in blind.” Talk to your kids about this opinion. Do the teens they know care whether or not they create a baby? Are they obsessed with sex so much that they don’t control themselves but just go for it regardless of consequences?
Finally, a sex education teacher, Janet, is quoted. Her opinion on why there are so many teen parents is that “Parents don’t do an adequate job. They think their kids are too young to know about sexual things.” What are your thoughts on this opinion? Do you feel you’ve talked to your kids about sex and relationships? Ask your pregnant daughter if she thinks you should have talked to her differently about sex. Consider her advice; do you need to have different conversations with her younger siblings?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
18-year-old mother Kiyana said, “We talked about having a baby, but we didn’t actually plan it. Some kids plan to have their babies now, big time. … I just get this vibe that they want to wanted and want to have a kid.”
Talk to your pregnant daughter about this quote. Did your pregnant daughter talk about having a baby with her partner? If so, what did they talk about? What were the reasons pro and con that they discussed? What did they think the benefits and downsides of having a baby together would be?
Did your pregnant daughter actually plan this pregnancy? If she did, what were her reasons? What benefits did she believe would be associated with having her baby at this point in her life?
Ask your kids, “What do you think someone means when they say they want to be wanted?” Does ‘being wanted’ mean love? Does it just mean sex appeal? Do they mean that they think the baby will need, want and love them?
A high school principal is also quoted in the article, explaining his opinion on why there are so many teen parents: “The social stigma [of having a baby as a teen] has gone by the wayside. … It’s a pretty cool thing to bring your child to school” as if the baby were a cute object to take to show-and-tell.
Talk to your kids about this quote. What are their thoughts about the social stigma of being a teen mom? Do they know people who agree that babies are a great item for show-and-tell?
Josh, an 18-year-old father of a 2yr old is also quoted in the article. His opinion about why there are so many teen parents is that “everybody just goes to parties. They get drunk and messed up and can’t control themselves.” Talk to your kids about this opinion. Do they agree that drinking and sex are frequently connected at the parties they go to? Are teens as young as 16 drinking alcohol at the parties they go to? Was alcohol involved in the situation that produced your daughter’s pregnancy?
Josh says that the schools teach abstinence in addition to sex education but that the messages don’t always get through to the teens: “It’s just how teenagers are. They don’t know what to expect and they don’t really care what happens. They just go for it. And we basically go in blind.” Talk to your kids about this opinion. Do the teens they know care whether or not they create a baby? Are they obsessed with sex so much that they don’t control themselves but just go for it regardless of consequences?
Finally, a sex education teacher, Janet, is quoted. Her opinion on why there are so many teen parents is that “Parents don’t do an adequate job. They think their kids are too young to know about sexual things.” What are your thoughts on this opinion? Do you feel you’ve talked to your kids about sex and relationships? Ask your pregnant daughter if she thinks you should have talked to her differently about sex. Consider her advice; do you need to have different conversations with her younger siblings?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Why do teenagers have kids?
A few weeks ago, Time Magazine met with teens in South Bronx, NY, to find out why they think teenagers have children.
The article notes that "the stigma of single motherhood" is mostly gone.
Many of the teens interviewed "saw teen motherhood as a wonderful thing, but failed to appreciate..the cost until they had been mothers for a while."
Talk to your kids about these quotes.
Straight from the teens, on why they have kids:
17-yr-old girl: "I decided to have kids because it's just so amazing to watch them grow. It's an exciting feeling to teach them. I also love the fact that they will always love me no matter what."
Talk to your kids about how amazing it was to watch them grow and how exciting it was to teach them. Also talk to them about your expectations of whether they would always love you, no matter what. Did your children express that love to you in the way you expected? How is it unrealistic to expect babies, toddlers, children and teens to express unconditional love to mother at all times?
19-year-old father: "Becoming a dad feels great. I feel like it is a good blessing. I love to see my daughter's smile everyday! I feel my child's mother and I will be together for a long time, and may even get married. We don't live together but we are working on getting our own apartment. Since I became a dad most of my friends have kids on the way and they are still in good relationships. Could even get married. Married or not, it doesn't matter, you can provide the right love and more to a baby. I feel having a kid at a young age can help you become wiser and mature, and want to be more successful. However it depends on the person because if you are a teen who doesn't do anything for yourself you are not ready."
What does your pregnant daughter thing about this quote from a teen father? Does your daughter expect that being a mother as a teen will make her wiser and more mature? Does it make her want to be more successful? Does her baby's father act more wise and mature now that he is a father? Does he want to be more successful now?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
The article notes that "the stigma of single motherhood" is mostly gone.
Many of the teens interviewed "saw teen motherhood as a wonderful thing, but failed to appreciate..the cost until they had been mothers for a while."
Talk to your kids about these quotes.
Straight from the teens, on why they have kids:
17-yr-old girl: "I decided to have kids because it's just so amazing to watch them grow. It's an exciting feeling to teach them. I also love the fact that they will always love me no matter what."
Talk to your kids about how amazing it was to watch them grow and how exciting it was to teach them. Also talk to them about your expectations of whether they would always love you, no matter what. Did your children express that love to you in the way you expected? How is it unrealistic to expect babies, toddlers, children and teens to express unconditional love to mother at all times?
19-year-old father: "Becoming a dad feels great. I feel like it is a good blessing. I love to see my daughter's smile everyday! I feel my child's mother and I will be together for a long time, and may even get married. We don't live together but we are working on getting our own apartment. Since I became a dad most of my friends have kids on the way and they are still in good relationships. Could even get married. Married or not, it doesn't matter, you can provide the right love and more to a baby. I feel having a kid at a young age can help you become wiser and mature, and want to be more successful. However it depends on the person because if you are a teen who doesn't do anything for yourself you are not ready."
What does your pregnant daughter thing about this quote from a teen father? Does your daughter expect that being a mother as a teen will make her wiser and more mature? Does it make her want to be more successful? Does her baby's father act more wise and mature now that he is a father? Does he want to be more successful now?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Community College students and pregnancy
61% of women who have children after enrolling in community college fail to finish their degree,
according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in a February 2011 report called "Briefly... Relationships and Contraceptive Use Among Community College Students" based on interviews with about 100 students.
6% of students interviewed reported that they or their partner became pregnant in the six months between the initial interview and the follow-up interview.
11% of students interviewed reported that they or their partner had a pregnancy scare in the six months between the initial interview and the follow-up interview.
Talk to your pregnant daughter about these statistics. What are her thoughts about how to finish her education? Has she had pregnancy scares before she confirmed she was pregnant this time?
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Completing School" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in a February 2011 report called "Briefly... Relationships and Contraceptive Use Among Community College Students" based on interviews with about 100 students.
6% of students interviewed reported that they or their partner became pregnant in the six months between the initial interview and the follow-up interview.
11% of students interviewed reported that they or their partner had a pregnancy scare in the six months between the initial interview and the follow-up interview.
Talk to your pregnant daughter about these statistics. What are her thoughts about how to finish her education? Has she had pregnancy scares before she confirmed she was pregnant this time?
You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Completing School" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Teen pregnancy in the media
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy released their "With One Voice" survey in December. Here are some results.
Teens spend considerable time consuming media—nearly 45 hours a week according to one credible estimate. Given all the time young people spend with media, it is not unreasonable to conclude that media helps shape the social script for teens. Many adults believe that the media has contributed mightily to a coarser, more sexualized culture that has, in turn, negatively influenced young peoples’ attitudes and beliefs regarding sex and related topics.
Most teens (79% of girls and 67% of boys) agree with the following statement: “When a TV show or character I like deals with teen pregnancy, it makes me think more about my own risk of becoming pregnant/causing a pregnancy and how to avoid it.” Did your pregnant daughter think her chances of teen pregnancy were high before she became pregant?
Three-quarters of teens (76%) and adults (75%) say that what they see in the media about sex, love, and relationships can be a good way to start conversations about these topics. Yet when asked, "How often would you say you and your parents have talked about sex, love, and relationships because of something you saw in popular media like television shows?" Only 14% of teens say their parents Often talk to them about sex, love and relationships because of something you saw in the media; 33% of teens say Sometimes; 33% say Rarely, and 19% say Never. Which category do you think you fit in? Which category do your kids think you fit in?
Among those teens who have watched MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, 82% think the show helps teens better understand the challenges of teen pregnancy and parenthood and how to avoid it. Have you watched this show with your family? Do you think it fairly shows the challenges of teen pregnancy and parenthood? What does your pregnant daughter think about the teen parents in the show? How does she think she will avoid or overcome the challenges they face?
When asked how they would react to getting pregnant/causing a pregnancy, 24% of girls and 22% of boys said “it would make my life a little more challenging, but I could manage.” About seven in ten (69% of girls and 71% of boys) said “it would be a real challenge and I’m not sure how I would manage.” Which statement does your pregnant daughter agree with more?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Teens spend considerable time consuming media—nearly 45 hours a week according to one credible estimate. Given all the time young people spend with media, it is not unreasonable to conclude that media helps shape the social script for teens. Many adults believe that the media has contributed mightily to a coarser, more sexualized culture that has, in turn, negatively influenced young peoples’ attitudes and beliefs regarding sex and related topics.
Most teens (79% of girls and 67% of boys) agree with the following statement: “When a TV show or character I like deals with teen pregnancy, it makes me think more about my own risk of becoming pregnant/causing a pregnancy and how to avoid it.” Did your pregnant daughter think her chances of teen pregnancy were high before she became pregant?
Three-quarters of teens (76%) and adults (75%) say that what they see in the media about sex, love, and relationships can be a good way to start conversations about these topics. Yet when asked, "How often would you say you and your parents have talked about sex, love, and relationships because of something you saw in popular media like television shows?" Only 14% of teens say their parents Often talk to them about sex, love and relationships because of something you saw in the media; 33% of teens say Sometimes; 33% say Rarely, and 19% say Never. Which category do you think you fit in? Which category do your kids think you fit in?
Among those teens who have watched MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, 82% think the show helps teens better understand the challenges of teen pregnancy and parenthood and how to avoid it. Have you watched this show with your family? Do you think it fairly shows the challenges of teen pregnancy and parenthood? What does your pregnant daughter think about the teen parents in the show? How does she think she will avoid or overcome the challenges they face?
When asked how they would react to getting pregnant/causing a pregnancy, 24% of girls and 22% of boys said “it would make my life a little more challenging, but I could manage.” About seven in ten (69% of girls and 71% of boys) said “it would be a real challenge and I’m not sure how I would manage.” Which statement does your pregnant daughter agree with more?
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sex and expectations
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy released their "With One Voice" survey in December. Here are some results.
Most teens (65% of girls and 57% of boys) who have had sex say they wish they had waited. Does your pregnant daughter wish she had waited to become sexually active?
Significant percentages of teens (63%) and adults (72%) agree that “teen boys often receive the message that they are expected to have sex.” What are your thoughts on this? What do your children think? What things do your kids think sends this message to boys?
Most teens (71%) and adults (77%) also agree that “teen girls often receive the message that attracting boys and looking sexy is one of the most important things they can do.” What are your thoughts? What do your children think? What things do your kids think sends this message to girls?
Most teens (93% of girls and 88% of boys) say they would rather have a boyfriend/girlfriend and not have sex rather than have sex but not have a boyfriend or girlfriend. In other words, a relationship is supposedly more important than sex.
Most teens (71%) and adults (81%) agree that sharing nude or semi-nude images of themselves or other teens electronically (through cell phones, websites, and/or social media networks) leads to more sex in real life.
You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Restoring Sexual Integrity” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
Most teens (65% of girls and 57% of boys) who have had sex say they wish they had waited. Does your pregnant daughter wish she had waited to become sexually active?
Significant percentages of teens (63%) and adults (72%) agree that “teen boys often receive the message that they are expected to have sex.” What are your thoughts on this? What do your children think? What things do your kids think sends this message to boys?
Most teens (71%) and adults (77%) also agree that “teen girls often receive the message that attracting boys and looking sexy is one of the most important things they can do.” What are your thoughts? What do your children think? What things do your kids think sends this message to girls?
Most teens (93% of girls and 88% of boys) say they would rather have a boyfriend/girlfriend and not have sex rather than have sex but not have a boyfriend or girlfriend. In other words, a relationship is supposedly more important than sex.
Most teens (71%) and adults (81%) agree that sharing nude or semi-nude images of themselves or other teens electronically (through cell phones, websites, and/or social media networks) leads to more sex in real life.
You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Restoring Sexual Integrity” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy“.
Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, or join us on Facebook!
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