Marriage Readiness

The National Fatherhood Initiative has a program called "Why Knot?" which is a marriage-readiness program for men. They offer a sample session on their website. Why not print it out and go over it with both your pregnant daughter and the baby's father? Modify the questions for gender pronouns as necessary. The worksheets for the session are also printable.

The sample session asks "How ready do you think you are to be married today?" and gives a scale of 0 (not ready at all) to 10 (completely ready). Print out this page and give a copy to your pregnant daughter and to the baby's father. Have them fill it out seperately and then talk about how their answers are similar and different. Part of this page is answering the question "What's keeping you from reaching a 10?". The choices they can check are questions like:

• I'm not in a serious relationship.
• I don't have the money I need to get married. (Ask how much money they think they would need, and what the money is to be used for)
• I need to get a job or a better job. (Ask how much money they feel they need to make at their job, or what benefits they are looking for from the job)
• I need to finish school or some career training. (Talk about whether being married would be an encouragement and support during this training)
• I'd like to own a house before I get married. (Ask them to project how long it may take to reach this goal)
• I don't want to be tied down. I want to enjoy the single life. (Ask what they mean by this... do they just want free sex without responsibility?)
• I like to date more than one person at a time.
• I can't see myself having sex with the same person for the rest of my life.
• I can get sex without marriage.
• I'm happy (or would be happy) just living with my girlfriend/boyfriend.
• I have some fears about marriage. (Ask if they can express those fears)
• I think marriage will require too many changes. (Ask what changes they think may be requested)
• I'm not sure I'd make a good husband/wife.
• My parents were not married, or they divorced. I want to avoid divorce. (Ask what made the divorce difficult for them)
• I want to avoid the money problems that can result from a divorce. (Ask if they think these same money problems might occur if they are not married but the relationship ends)
• I don't want to have children. (Since they already have a child by virtue of your daughter being pregnant, ask what things they fear about raising their child)
• I want to have children, but I want to wait until I'm older. (Since they already have a child by virtue of your daughter being pregnant, ask what things they fear about being a parent at their current age)
• I haven't met the right woman/man.
• Other:

Another worksheet in this PDF is "My Marriage Model" and reminds us that we "may be affected by the attitudes of friends, co-workers, family members, the media, previous dating partners or even your own parents. How can you separate out what you really think?" There is a little chart that ask them to rate a few factors as either a positive influence on their attitude about marriage, a neutral influence, or a negative influence. The factors are:

1) Does the media you view, read, or listen to provide a good or bad view of marriage?

2) Did you parents have a good or bad view of marriage?

3) Do you friends or co-workers have a good or bad view of marriage?

4) Have your previous girlfriends/boyfriends had a good or bad view of marriage?

5) Do you have a good or bad view of marriage?

The next worksheet of the PDF asks them to identify their fears about marriage and think about how those fears can be handled.

You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should they marry?", "Teen marriage success" and "The importance of a father" in our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".