Real stories: Ann Forster

Ann was 19 and a sophomore in college when she found she was pregnant.  She tells her story in the Fall 2007 edition of The American Feminist.  Here is her story; read it to your pregnant daughter and talk about it.

I went to my boyfriend and told him and he was also shocked —we’d done what we thought would prevent this—and dismayed—he was also a sophomore in college, and like me, loving the luxuries of lots of free time and not a lot of responsibility. He hugged me and told me we’d figure it out, and drove me to Taco Bell for a bean burrito.

We went to the doctor, who did an ultrasound, which confirmed that I was six weeks pregnant, and gave us a glimpse of a little beating heart. We then drove the 2½ hours to his parents’ house. They were the “accepting ones”; the ones that we were sure would react with disappointment at the timing, but not with anger at our “irresponsible behavior.” But that was not what we got. His parents immediately jumped to the conclusion that abortion was the solution.

To say I never considered abortion would be dishonest. Of course I did. It is portrayed as the quick fix. The solution that costs the least in time, money and responsibility. Of course I considered it. But that’s not what I had chosen. I felt betrayed, alone and angry. Especially angry that this boy who I loved, and who professed to love me, with whom I had been in a relationship for more than a year—this boy, in response to his family’s position, adopted a new one. He said, “I love you, but this is a bad idea. Make it go away or I will go away.”

His mother, a proud feminist, warned me I would never succeed if I had a baby in college; that we needed to “terminate the pregnancy” so that her son and I could move into life as “unencumbered adults.”

I told my parents—the ones we were convinced would not react well; the ones we were sure would react with judgment— but they responded with unconditional support. And a feeling of indignation rose up in me. “Can’t succeed?” I thought, “Really? Have I not been raised to be and strived to be a strong woman? A capable woman? Does this right to choose for which I have argued so vehemently mean I don’t really have a choice? Can’t succeed? Really? Let’s find out.”

And so I did. I went to school full time until May and Ada was born June 17th. I lived in the dorm—I was comically huge, but I had a housing scholarship that I was not willing to give up. My professors embraced my choice—excusing me as I ran to the bathroom with morning sickness, laughing with me as it got harder and harder to squeeze into a desk, but also demanding my best effort on papers, in discussions. One professor said, “You know, Ann Lowrey, if you are going to be a woman who succeeds professionally, a little old pregnancy cannot turn off your brain.”

While I was pregnant, I competed on the mock trial team I had founded the year before. After Ada was born, I served two more terms as president of that organization. I wrote weekly opinion columns for the school paper. Ada sat in my lap as I read philosophy treatises for my philosophy of law class. I laughed a lot.

I was not able to do this because I am super woman—or because being a single mother and a full-time student at 20 is easy. I was able to do it because of the support I received. The mounds of emotional support and the financial resources provided by my academic scholarships and my family. These resources ensured that we never wanted for diapers or baby food or child care.

Patricia Heaton, two-time Emmy winner, honorary chair of Feminists For Life and Debra on “Everybody Loves Raymond,” who currently stars on “Back to You,” says, “Women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy also deserve unplanned joy.” I did not get to spend a semester in Vienna as I had planned. But I did graduate with honors, on time, with two majors, and I have the most wonderful little girl who, rather than ruining my life and preventing me from succeeding, has only created new challenges and ways in which I can succeed.  And along the way, I realized that while I never stopped being a feminist, I was now a pro-life feminist.

My best friend, Paul, and I married two years after Ada was born, two weeks before he and I both defended our senior theses—his on education and mine on the deliberate blocking by Planned Parenthood and NOW of any pro-life Supreme Court justice. He adopted Ada in June 2007. A few months after we married, Paul and I found ourselves expecting. Ada has a new baby brother, and I am more and more proud of my role as a mother. If we work to ensure that the thousands of young women who find themselves pregnant in college every year have the resources Ada and I had, there can be unplanned joy. Let’s do that together.

Talk to your pregnant daughter about Ann's story.  How did your daughter's partner react when she told him that she was pregnant?  Did he change his mind later?  How did your daughter expect each set of grandparents to react to the pregnancy news?  Did she expect you to have a very difficult reaction?  What emotional and financial support are you able to offer your daughter?

You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Completing School" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".

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