In the September/October 2009 issue of "Celebrate Life" magazine, you can read the true story of Paula, a cadet at West Point Academy who found herself pregnant.
The campus health providers said that "West Point was prepared for cadets in her condition. First, there was the “weekend option.” “We will write you a special pass,” she explained. “We have a list of clinics. You can go, and when you come back, nobody has to know why you went or what you did.” “No,” Paula said, unwilling to go that route. “Are you sure?” the doctor asked, not pressing, but confirming what she was hearing. “Yes,” Paula answered, “don’t even give me that list. I could never do that.” “Okay,” the doctor replied. And without further discussion, she wrote a prescription for prenatal vitamins and sent Paula on her way."
"Choosing to carry her pregnancy to term, Paula had three options: (1) She could place the
baby for adoption and resume her career at West Point, graduating one semester behind her peers; (2) a family member could temporarily adopt the child until she graduated, at which point custody would revert to her; or (3) she could withdraw from West Point. Brian proposed, and together the two of them weighed each option. Brian opposed permanent adoption, and Paula felt the temporary adoption route was too disruptive for a child. That left her with option 3. “It was a tough pill to swallow,” Paula reflected later, but swallow it she did. The decision made, they set a date for their wedding after Brian’s graduation, at which point their child would be two."
Read the full article to see how her parents reacted and how the story turned out!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Depression affects children
"National Research Council and the Institute of Medicine, estimates that in any given year, 7.5 million U.S. parents are depressed and at least 15 million U.S. children live with a parent who has major or severe depression." A WebMD.com news article summarizes some information from this report.
Was your pregnant daughter depressed before she became pregnant? Is she depressed now that she is pregnant? Make sure she gets medical treatment for her depression! Her depression can adversely affect her child. The report shows that:
Depressed pregnant women may be less likely to get prenatal care.
Depressed moms may be less attentive or less able to respond in a healthy way to their babies' needs.
Parental depression has been linked to children's early signs of, or vulnerability to, having a more "difficult" temperament, including more negativity, less happiness, poorer social skills, more vulnerability to depression, more self blame, less self-worth, and a less effective response system to stress.
William Beardslee, MD, of the psychiatry department at Children's Hospital in Boston notes that
"Early in life, we worry most that somehow the fundamental bond between the mother and father and the infant may be weakened because of depression. A little later on, when children are older, parents are vitally important in providing structure, order, encouragement, support, helping with school, helping with friendships, and those processes tend to be disrupted when a parent is depressed".
Was your pregnant daughter depressed before she became pregnant? Is she depressed now that she is pregnant? Make sure she gets medical treatment for her depression! Her depression can adversely affect her child. The report shows that:
Depressed pregnant women may be less likely to get prenatal care.
Depressed moms may be less attentive or less able to respond in a healthy way to their babies' needs.
Parental depression has been linked to children's early signs of, or vulnerability to, having a more "difficult" temperament, including more negativity, less happiness, poorer social skills, more vulnerability to depression, more self blame, less self-worth, and a less effective response system to stress.
William Beardslee, MD, of the psychiatry department at Children's Hospital in Boston notes that
"Early in life, we worry most that somehow the fundamental bond between the mother and father and the infant may be weakened because of depression. A little later on, when children are older, parents are vitally important in providing structure, order, encouragement, support, helping with school, helping with friendships, and those processes tend to be disrupted when a parent is depressed".
Monday, September 21, 2009
Adoption in the Bible
Perhaps due to the economy, both abortion and adoption placements are on the rise. Some women mistakenly perceive that choosing adoption for her baby makes her 'a bad mother'. But the Bible gives us a foundation for adoption.
Ephesians 1:5 says "In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will..."
Adoption is a concept created by God. God refers to believers who enter His covenant family as 'adopted' children. Adoption was originally a privilege reserved for Israel, but through Jesus this privilege extends to anyone who enters a personal relationship with Jesus. In the book of Romans we also wee adoption portrayed as a unique and unbreakable bond between adoptive parent and adopted child. God desires a permanent relationship with us. According to a Roman-Syrian book of law, a birth parent could disinherit a biological child 'if he had good reason' but could never disinherit an adopted child.
The Bible also illustrates adoption in the lives of several major people. For example, Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Adoption upholds the Scriptural emphasis on the role of the father in the family. We see this in Joseph's life when an angel appears to him in a dream and commands him to take Mary as his wife and name the child Jesus. Joseph accepted Jesus as his own son and assumed the rights and responsibilities of fatherhood.
Though there is much Biblical support for adoption, choosing adoption remains a challenging decision that must be considered carefully. Study the Bible in regards to adoption; pray for God to lead you; consider what is best for both the birthmother and her child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Ephesians 1:5 says "In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will..."
Adoption is a concept created by God. God refers to believers who enter His covenant family as 'adopted' children. Adoption was originally a privilege reserved for Israel, but through Jesus this privilege extends to anyone who enters a personal relationship with Jesus. In the book of Romans we also wee adoption portrayed as a unique and unbreakable bond between adoptive parent and adopted child. God desires a permanent relationship with us. According to a Roman-Syrian book of law, a birth parent could disinherit a biological child 'if he had good reason' but could never disinherit an adopted child.
The Bible also illustrates adoption in the lives of several major people. For example, Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Adoption upholds the Scriptural emphasis on the role of the father in the family. We see this in Joseph's life when an angel appears to him in a dream and commands him to take Mary as his wife and name the child Jesus. Joseph accepted Jesus as his own son and assumed the rights and responsibilities of fatherhood.
Though there is much Biblical support for adoption, choosing adoption remains a challenging decision that must be considered carefully. Study the Bible in regards to adoption; pray for God to lead you; consider what is best for both the birthmother and her child. You may find it helpful to read the chapters "Should she parent alone?", "Should we adopt the baby?", and "Should she make an adoption plan?" in our book "How to Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
Friday, September 18, 2009
Teen Ethics
In October, 2008, the organization "Junior Achievement" conducted a survey of 750 teens aged 12-17. The topic was teen ethics and whether teens felt they were ready to make ethical/moral decisions in the work environment.
46% of the teens said it is sometimes acceptable to lie to parents or guardians. 61% of the teens said they had lied to their parent/guardian in the last 12 months. Why was it acceptable? To cover up a situation, to help a friend, and peer pressure.
54% of the teens consider their parents to be their behavioral role model, but only 21% said they feel they are accountable to their parents for behavior.
An article titled "Ethical Fitness" by Elizabeth Foy Larsen in the October 2009 issue of Family Circle gives some tips:
1) Reinforce family values by having your "kids help you write a list of nonnegotiable values."
2) Sign your child up for a values-based group such as a religious organization.
3) Teach that achievements are earned, that they are not achieved by quick results.
Talk to your daughter about these statistics and tips. Did she lie to you about her sexual activity or the fact that she was pregnant? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving my daughter" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy"
46% of the teens said it is sometimes acceptable to lie to parents or guardians. 61% of the teens said they had lied to their parent/guardian in the last 12 months. Why was it acceptable? To cover up a situation, to help a friend, and peer pressure.
54% of the teens consider their parents to be their behavioral role model, but only 21% said they feel they are accountable to their parents for behavior.
An article titled "Ethical Fitness" by Elizabeth Foy Larsen in the October 2009 issue of Family Circle gives some tips:
1) Reinforce family values by having your "kids help you write a list of nonnegotiable values."
2) Sign your child up for a values-based group such as a religious organization.
3) Teach that achievements are earned, that they are not achieved by quick results.
Talk to your daughter about these statistics and tips. Did she lie to you about her sexual activity or the fact that she was pregnant? You may find it helpful to read the chapter "Forgiving my daughter" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Teens with Older Sexual Partners
Child Trends published a fact sheet in April 2008 titled "Long-term consequences for teens with older sexual partners". This research examines whether having sexual intercourse before age 16 with a partner at least three years older was associated with becoming a teen parent or unmarried parent or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease (STD) by young adulthood (post-high school through the early twenties).
Findings:
1) 18% (nearly 1 in 5) middle school and high school girls reported having sex with an partner who who was three or more years older than themselves. Only 4% of boys were in the same position.
2) 55% of girls and 61% of boys reported that they had not yet had sexual intercourse by middle school or high school.
3) Girls who had an older sexual partner were more likely to acquire an STD, and more likely to have had a baby outside marriage by young adulthood.
4) Girls who had sex before age 16 with a partner at least three years older were twice as likely to test positive for an STD in young adulthood.
5) 27% of the girls in the research study reported that they had had at least one nonromantic sexual partner during adolescence.
Talk to your teens and college students about the dangers of dating someone that is more than 3 years older than themselves while they are not yet adults. The maturity and power differences pose serious risks until your children are adults themselves. Read our other blog entries about this topic: "Age differences in dating", "Sexual Behavior in America's Children", and "Teen Dating Abuse".
Findings:
1) 18% (nearly 1 in 5) middle school and high school girls reported having sex with an partner who who was three or more years older than themselves. Only 4% of boys were in the same position.
2) 55% of girls and 61% of boys reported that they had not yet had sexual intercourse by middle school or high school.
3) Girls who had an older sexual partner were more likely to acquire an STD, and more likely to have had a baby outside marriage by young adulthood.
4) Girls who had sex before age 16 with a partner at least three years older were twice as likely to test positive for an STD in young adulthood.
5) 27% of the girls in the research study reported that they had had at least one nonromantic sexual partner during adolescence.
Talk to your teens and college students about the dangers of dating someone that is more than 3 years older than themselves while they are not yet adults. The maturity and power differences pose serious risks until your children are adults themselves. Read our other blog entries about this topic: "Age differences in dating", "Sexual Behavior in America's Children", and "Teen Dating Abuse".
Monday, September 7, 2009
Adopting Your Daughter's Child
Recently there has been a lot of talk about Levi Johnston's comments to a magazine that Bristol Palin's mother had wanted to keep Bristol's pregnancy a secret and then adopt the baby as her own. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2004 over 2.4 million grandparents were primary caregivers for their grandchildren, though this is not always via adoption.
Formally adopting your daughter's child as your own child is definitely an option that can be considered. We talk about this option in the chapter "Should We Adopt the Baby?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". In our book, we say:
Whether you plan to adopt your grandchild or simply be the legal guardian, you need to talk with a lawyer to create the proper legal paperwork that supports this relationship.
In addition, the decision must rest with your pregnant daughter... she must carefully consider every option and make her own decision on what is best for her child.
Formally adopting your daughter's child as your own child is definitely an option that can be considered. We talk about this option in the chapter "Should We Adopt the Baby?" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy". In our book, we say:
I am entirely opposed to grandparents adopting their grandchild IF they plan to pretend it is their own child and perpetuate a family secret. I have never found that family secrets bring good, but have often found they bring distrust, anger, and lie upon lie. Secrecy causes shame, guilt, fear, isolation and defensivness. If you plan to formally adopt your grandchild, the truth should be spoken from the beginning. The child's mother should be identified as such. One of the main complications with adoption inside the family is that when a daughter matures and is on her feet, she may feel that she has the right to reclaim her child. This can cause anguish and turmoil for everyone.
Whether you plan to adopt your grandchild or simply be the legal guardian, you need to talk with a lawyer to create the proper legal paperwork that supports this relationship.
In addition, the decision must rest with your pregnant daughter... she must carefully consider every option and make her own decision on what is best for her child.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Resource: Southern Nevada Children First
Las Vegas TV News 3 has a video and article about Southern Nevada Children First, a program that helps "young mothers who don't have a home....[and] gives young mothers a place to stay while helping them to receive an education or search for a job." Up to seven young mothers and their babies can stay in the central Las Vegas home associated with Southern Nevada Children First. The two-year program gives 17 to 22-year-old homeless mothers a place to stay and a plan to get on their feet.
One 17-year-old mother, who asked to not be identified, knows what it's like to be homeless.
"My boyfriend had beat me and I had nowhere to go. I've been on the streets multiple times for multiple lengths of times." She still fears for her safety even though she's in a better place now.
"It really feels like a home; it doesn't feel like a shelter or a place you are staying because you don't have anywhere else to go. They helped me get into college so I am officially a college student. I want to get a full-time job and then transition to my own apartment and have my own place."
If your pregnant daughter can not live with you after the baby is born, where will she live? With other family? With friends? Does she need your help to find a program like this that will help her get on her feet? Call your local pregnancy resource center to see if they have referrals for housing. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" because it discusses the many decisions that you and your pregnant daughter are facing about housing during pregnancy, finishing her education, legal issues, medical issues, skill building and life options after the baby is born.
One 17-year-old mother, who asked to not be identified, knows what it's like to be homeless.
"My boyfriend had beat me and I had nowhere to go. I've been on the streets multiple times for multiple lengths of times." She still fears for her safety even though she's in a better place now.
"It really feels like a home; it doesn't feel like a shelter or a place you are staying because you don't have anywhere else to go. They helped me get into college so I am officially a college student. I want to get a full-time job and then transition to my own apartment and have my own place."
If your pregnant daughter can not live with you after the baby is born, where will she live? With other family? With friends? Does she need your help to find a program like this that will help her get on her feet? Call your local pregnancy resource center to see if they have referrals for housing. You may find it helpful to read our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" because it discusses the many decisions that you and your pregnant daughter are facing about housing during pregnancy, finishing her education, legal issues, medical issues, skill building and life options after the baby is born.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Birth Plan
A labor and deliver nurse wrote a two-part blog post about how to write a birth plan. Read these posts with your pregnant daughter, discuss them, and then help her write down a birth plan of her own to give to her doctor.
These posts will:
1) Assist you in writing the best birth plan you can by pointing you in the direction of the best resources out there, that she has found, on birth plan writing,
2) Review the true purpose of a birth plan and help you write a birth plan for the right reasons, and
3) Help you navigate through a bureaucratic hospital system often perforated with outdated dogma and run by unofficial “policies” and help you and your labor companions facilitate a positive and empowering birth experience for your whole family!
Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part One
In part one, the nurse talks about what a birth plan is, what types of birth plans are not helpful to mothers and nurses, what types of birth plans are useful and helpful.
Top Ten DOs for Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part Two
In part two, the nurse gives ten tips for writing your birth plan:
1) Keep it simple
2) Be clear
3) Do your research to discover your preferences
4) Include your fears and concerns
5) Review the plan with your nurse/doctor/staff and ask them to sign that they have read it and understood it.
6) Make the plan personal, and understand it so that you can answer questions about it
7) Look at examples online for ideas
8) Imagine different scenarios ahead of time and try to guess what help you would want
9) Try to make the research fun, not a chore
10) Bring the plan with you to the hospital!
We talk about creating a birth plan in the chapter titled "The Baby is Born" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
These posts will:
1) Assist you in writing the best birth plan you can by pointing you in the direction of the best resources out there, that she has found, on birth plan writing,
2) Review the true purpose of a birth plan and help you write a birth plan for the right reasons, and
3) Help you navigate through a bureaucratic hospital system often perforated with outdated dogma and run by unofficial “policies” and help you and your labor companions facilitate a positive and empowering birth experience for your whole family!
Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part One
In part one, the nurse talks about what a birth plan is, what types of birth plans are not helpful to mothers and nurses, what types of birth plans are useful and helpful.
Top Ten DOs for Writing Your Birth Plan: Tips from An L&D Nurse, Part Two
In part two, the nurse gives ten tips for writing your birth plan:
1) Keep it simple
2) Be clear
3) Do your research to discover your preferences
4) Include your fears and concerns
5) Review the plan with your nurse/doctor/staff and ask them to sign that they have read it and understood it.
6) Make the plan personal, and understand it so that you can answer questions about it
7) Look at examples online for ideas
8) Imagine different scenarios ahead of time and try to guess what help you would want
9) Try to make the research fun, not a chore
10) Bring the plan with you to the hospital!
We talk about creating a birth plan in the chapter titled "The Baby is Born" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy".
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