The connection between marriage and children

A recent BreakPoint commentary titled "An Unhappy Trend" summarized some recent statistics from the CDC:

• 40% of American babies born in 2007 were born to unmarried mothers.
• Compare this 40% to the statistic for 2002, when 34% of American babies were born to unmarried mothers.
• In 2007, only 23% of out-of-wedlock births were to unmarried teenagers.
• In 2007, 77% of out-of-wedlock births were to women in their 20s and 30s.
• In 2007, 60% of all births to unmarried women were to women in their 20s.
• In 2007, 17% of all births to unmarried women were to women in their 30s.

The commentary looks at how marriage and childbearing have been separated from each other.

Marriage is no longer seen as an institution whose ends have a communal, as well as personal, purpose. Instead, it is an expression of private affection whose ends are almost entirely about personal fulfillment. Thus, getting married is increasingly something you do after the rest of your life is arranged to your satisfaction. You go to school, find a job, get established in your career, and then you think about getting married. As a result, the average age when people first get married has risen by five years since 1970. But while our ideas about marriage have changed, our natures haven’t. One thing that Christians and dyed-in-the-wool Darwinists can agree on is that we are driven to reproduce ourselves. With a few exceptions, no matter how successful we might be, many feel that if we leave no descendants behind, all the striving is beside the point. What’s more, our biology doesn’t care about our sense of personal fulfillment. A woman’s most fertile period is her late teens to early 30s—precisely the time when young people are going to school and getting established in their careers. Thus, the longer we put off marriage, the more difficult it will be to fulfill one of our most fundamental instincts—have a child. Throw in the complications of meeting “Mr. Right,” getting to know him, and deciding that he’s the person you want to marry, and the “ticking clock” begins to sound like Big Ben.
So it seems that more and more women have decided to have children while they still can, regardless of their marital status.

Talk to your single-and-pregnant daughter about these statistics and this commentary. What does she think the purpose of marriage is? How does marriage fit into her plans for the future? What were you raised to believe about the purpose and timing of marriage? How do you feel now that your daughter is pregnant outside of marriage? You may find it helpful to read the chapters titled "Should they get married?", "The importance of a father", and "Single moms and church" in our book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" (which can be helpful even if your single-and-pregnant daughter is not a teenager).