The growing cultural divide

Charles Murray, whose book Losing Ground redefined the debate about welfare and the underclass thirty years ago, has a new book, Coming Apart. The book is about the increasing cultural divide among white Americans.

Murray shows clearly the growing cultural divide between white middle-to-upper class communities and white working-class communities. In 1960, the two communities, despite differences in income and educational attainment, were statistically-similar when it came to marriage, out-of-wedlock births, and religion. Around 1970, the gap widened, and by 2010 it was better described as a “chasm.”

Whereas 83% of those in upper-class communities are married, only 48% of those in working-class communities are married. 

While 6% of births among upper-class communities are to unmarried mothers, 44% of those in working communities are. 

And most surprisingly of all, middle-to-upper-middle class Americans are more likely to attend religious services on a regular basis than working-class Americans.

Source: Breakpoint

Talking with your teens

Need help with talking with your teens about various tougher topics?

The Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health has a series of nine modules that you can download for free.  There is a parent booklet for each (in English and Spanish), and a teen booklet for two of the topics.

Families Talking Together - Parent Materials

Latino English Version
The Basics: What Parents Need to Know
Module 1: Linking Lives: Parenting Your Teens
Module 2: Your Teen's World
Module 3: How to Help Your Teen Grow Up
Module 4: Talking the Talk
Module 5: Can We Get Along?
Module 6: You Gotta Have Friends
Module 7: Self-Esteem and Your Teen
Module 8: Helping Your Teen Say "No" to Sex
Module 9: Should I Talk to My Teen about Birth Control and Protection?

Real Stories: Ashley Watts

Ashley Watts got pregnant during her freshman year in college.  "She had never wanted or planned to be a mother that early in life. She wasn’t ready for a child. However, she refused to do what everyone thought she would do; she refused to give up. Now, 24-year-old Watts is pursing her Master’s degree in criminal justice at the University of Alabama and is the proud mother of a 4-year-old."

Ashley notes that being a parent and a student is very difficult.  Some of the difficulties your pregnant daughter may face as a student and a parent include the feeling of isolation, and the recognition that her classmates have a very different lifestyle with less responsibility.

“One of the most common misconceptions I have faced is that everyone thought that once I became pregnant that I would just pack my bags and head back home,” Watts said. “They all thought I would just give up school, or take my daughter home to father to let him raise her. But that was never an option for me.”

Watts said her life is often overwhelming, but she continues to push through for her daughter.

“My daughter will know that no matter what life may throw at her, she can still come out on top,” Watts said. “Getting pregnant young does not have to be an ‘end of my life’ scenario. It is exactly what you make it, and I chose to rise above and be more than just another statistic.”

The University of Alabama has support for parents who are undergraduates and graduate students.  Does your daughter's school have a support program that would be beneficial to her?

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Completing School”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Education on a budget

Your pregnant daughter's education level is crucial to her future money situation.  The more education she has, the more likely she will be to have a job that pays enough to keep her and her child(ren) out of poverty.  Feminists for Life has an article that contains tips on getting an education on a shoestring budget.

If your pregnant daughter has not yet graduated from high school, she needs to find a way to complete at LEAST that much education.

A GED (General Educational Development) certification is an alternative to a high school diploma that
allows your pregnant daughter to work while preparing for and completing the certification exam. More information about this can be found at www.acenet.edu, which has sample questions, study tools, and the latest information about the GED.

In order to attend school, your daughter will need someone to care for her child.  Will family and friends help her with free or inexpensive childcare while she attends class and studies?  Does your church or community group offer affordable childcare? 

Your daughter will also need transportation to school.  Does she have access to a reliable vehicle?  Can she share a ride with a friend or family?  Can she walk, or take public transportation?

After completing high school or a GED, your daughter should consider getting a college degree of some sort (a 2-year degree or a 4-year degree).  To reduce tuition expenses, your daughter should look at attending a local community college for a few years before transferring to a university to finish a four-year program.  She needs to research carefully to see which courses will transfer so that she doesn't waste time and money on classes that will have to be re-taken.

If your daughter thinks online education would work better for her, she can search for distance
education programs at www.distance-education.org.  She needs to be sure that her online school is accredited, and if she is interested in a profession that requires licensure (such as nursing, teaching, etc.), then she needs to be sure the online college offers this licensure as part of their program.

If your pregnant daughter has to miss a class because of pregnancy issues, sick children or other
family needs, she needs to have a designated buddy or two in each class to take notes or tape the class for her. She should get to know her professors right away by talking to them before and after class.  She should let them know about her situation and her intentions to meet their expectations. She should be sure to call her professors if she has to be absent (even if it’s a large class). This lets the professor know that she is dedicated to their class. It’s also a good tip for distance learners to go beyond email and actually have phone conversations with professors from time to time.

For breastfeeding mothers, find out if there are designated spots on campus for breastfeeding or pumping, or ask other student parents for the best spots.

How to finance her education?  There are many types of scholarships and loans available to
students: take a look at www.fafsa.ed.gov.  Only take on the minimum amount of loans necessary to pay tuition expenses. Singlemom.com also has a list of scholarships that are more specific to single mothers. Some employers will pay for part of college tuition. She should consider seeking employment that supports her education. Although working full-time and going to school can be quite the challenge, it is another option for those with support for these goals.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Completing School” in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Childcare Resources

The National Association of Childcare Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA) says there are 8.6 million families in the United States in which both parents are working, 5.6 million working single parents, and 14.3 million children under age six in need of childcare. On average, children under age five with working mothers spend 36 hours a week in childcare.

Feminists for Life's report "Kids on a Shoestring Budget" reports that the average annual fees for full-time center care for an infant range from $4,542 to $14,591. The cost of in-home childcare is slightly less. Infant care is the most expensive, primarily because the infant-to-caregiver ratio must
be lower. Full-time center care for a toddler or preschool child costs from $3,380 to $10,787.

A 2011 study by the Institute for Women's Policy Research found that student parents in the United States need more than one million childcare slots but that less than 5% of that need is being met at campus childcare centers. Though student parents make up about one-fourth of all postsecondary students, less than 20% of postsecondary schools offer on-campus childcare, and the children of students rarely get priority when facilities exist.

So what resources can help your pregnant daughter with child care while she attends school or a job?

For children who are not yet in school, see if your daughter and her child(ren) qualify for programs like "Early Head Start" and "Head Start".

Does anyone in your extended family live nearby that would be willing and able to help with free childcare?  Older siblings, grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc.?

Can your daughter swap babysitting with other women who are children of a similar age?

If your pregnant daughter will be employed full time after giving birth, does her employer offer on-site childcare?  Maybe they offer childcare assistance programs?

If your pregnant daughter will return to school after giving birth, does her school offer on-site childcare?

If your pregnant daughter is researching childcare, she should be very thorough in her consideration of every situation.  She should interview the childcare provider during business hours.  She should ask to see the results of background checks on the employees.  She should ask to see proof of licensing.  She should ask for references from the childcare provider (and actually call them and ask questions!).  And she should spend time observing the children in the environment.

Websites such as www.childcareaware.org and www.daycareproviders.com allow you to search for providers by name, city, or ZIP code. They provide checklists to guide parents through the search process, as well as sample interview questions to use with potential providers. They also offer
electronic newsletters for both parents and childcare providers. The Childcare and Development Fund (nccic.acf.hhs.gov) provides comprehensive information on state childcare providers.

Once your daughter's children attend school, they may need before-school and after-school care.  The YMCA (www.ymca.net) offers a school-age childcare program called Y-Care.  Boys & Girls Clubs is another nationwide agency that offers before- and after-school childcare options in many communities. You can search their website, www.bgca.org, by ZIP code to find a club near you.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Childcare Responsibilities”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Real Stories: Internet and sex

Marcus Thomas, 28 years old, traveled from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to Rapid City, South Dakota (about 1,500 miles).  Why? To have sex with a girl he met on the internet.  But it turned out that the girl he traveled to meet was only 15.  And she became pregnant from their encounter after he climbed through her window into her bedroom.

The girl is now a 16-year-old single mother, and Marcus plead guilty to fourth-degree rape and is serving probation.  Marcus must now send child support for this child in addition to the four other children he has with three other women.

Talk to your teens about this news article.  Marcus claims that he thought the girl was 18.  How do your teens represent themselves on the Internet?  What personal information are they giving out?  What rules has your family created for Internet use?  Should your teens only be able to access the Internet on a computer that is in a common room (not their bedroom) so that they can be monitored?  How about their cell phone Internet access? 

Research teen internet safety by searching online.  Talk to your family about rules such as these found in a Family Contract for Online Safety.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Restoring Sexual Integrity”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!  

Real Story: Tanika Stevenson's murder

Tanika Stevenson (24) was murdered in 1997 because she refused to abort her third child with Derrick Clements (25).  Derrick was married to someone else and had three children with his wife.  Derrick had already paid Tanika to abort two of their children, and she refused to abort their third child.  So Derrick shot Tanika in the back of the head and stuffed her body into the trunk of her own car, then parked the car at the Dowdell’s Knob overlook in Pine Mountain’s Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park in Georgia.  He stole her ATM card and withdrew money from her account, telling police that he had paid her to have an abortion and he wanted his money back since she would not abort.

If your daughter is pregnant by a married man who is not her husband, talk to her about her safety.  Has he threatened her in any way?  Is he insisting on abortion?  Do they fight about her pregnancy?  If so, ask her to not see him in private at any time, to always have someone with her.  If he has threatened her, ask her to talk to the police and/or a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him.

You may find it helpful to read the chapter “Where does the baby's father belong in all this?”in our book “How To Survive Your Teen’s Pregnancy".

Have questions? Want to talk about this post or other issues? Write a comment, join us on Facebook, or talk with us on our new Grandparent Support Group!