Sexual behaviors data

The most recent data (which is from year 2002) reports that:

• Among female adolescents aged 15-17 years, 30.0% reported ever having had sex, compared with 70.6% of those aged 18-19 years.
• Among male adolescents aged 15-17 years, 31.6% reported ever having had sex, compared with 64.7% of those aged 18-19 years.
• Among teenagers aged 15-19 years, 13.1% of females and 14.8% of males reported having had sex at age <15>

Talk to your teens and show them that very few minors (people under the age of 18) have had sex. They should not feel pressure from the statement "everyone is doing it" because it simply is not true that minors are all having sex. It also isn't true that "adult" teens are all having sex... about 1 in 3 are not! Ask your kids what they think it means that 65% of boys aged 18-19 have had sex while 71% of girls of the same age have had sex.

• Among females aged 18-24 years, 9.6% who had sex by age 20 years reported having had nonvoluntary first intercourse. Having ever been forced to have intercourse was reported by 14.3% of females aged 18-19 years and 19.1% of females aged 20-24 years.

Ask your daughters if they have ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into having sex. Was their first experience voluntary or involuntary? If your daughter has ever been forced, coerced, or pressured into sex, get her some counseling help to process the thoughts and emotions she has about that experience.

• The majority (58.7%) of females aged 15-19 years reported that their first sex partners were 1-3 years older than they were, and 22.4% reported that their first partners were ≥4 years older than they were.

Has your daughter been exploited by a male who is older than her? Has your minor daughter been having sex with a man who is not a minor?

• Approximately three in 10 female and male adolescents aged 15-19 years reported having had two or more sexual partners.

Ask your kids to figure out how many sexual partners a person might have at the age of 23 if they had 2 partners between the age of 15 and 19. How many might they have had at the age of 27 if that trend continued? What do they think about the possibility of having that many different sexual partners?

Evaluating a relationship

Rose Publishing has a great booklet titled "100 Things To Know When Dating" (or "100 Things to Know Before Dating and Marriage").

This is well worth getting. It has discussion questions about goals and interests, character, personality, family and friends, and background. These questions help you determine if you really know the person well. The booklet also has a "risk quiz", advice from the Bible about courtship and marriage, and tips on how to make break-ups less painful and how to recover from a break-up.

Parents of tweens should discuss these questions in relation to the tweens friends... are the friends beneficial to your tween?

Parents of teens should discuss these questions in relation to current friends and especially potential dating partners.

Parents of pregnant daughters should discuss these questions in relation to the baby's father, regardless of the age of the pregnant daughter.

Some of the questions in the booklet are:

1. How often does his/her family get together?
2. Does this person get along with other people in his or her family?
3. Does this person seem to have a vital relationship with God or does he or she just say religious things? (1 John 2:3-6)
4. Does he or she joke or brag about doing wrong things? (Proverbs 10:23)
5. Does this person flirt with others or treat you with respect? (1 Corinthians 13)
6. Is he or she irritable, unforgiving, stubborn or looking for an opportunity to take revenge? (Matthew 5:38-39)
7. Does he or she talk about past relationships often?
8. Is their anything about him or her you would not want your parents or friends to know?
9. Does this person still live at home? Why?
10. Does this person do kind and loving things for others without being asked?
11. Does this person have odd opinions, poor manners, or trouble keeping friends?
12. Do you find yourself apologizing for his/her behavior?
13. Does he/she hold you down and tickle you when it is no longer fun?

14 Characteristics of Successful People

With your pregnant daughter, sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. Give yourself one point for each of these traits that you have, and your daughter gets a point for each trait she has.

According to productivity expert Jeffrey J. Mayer, successful people have 14 traits in common. They are:
1. have a dream
2. follow a plan
3. have specific knowledge
4. are willing to work hard
5. don't take no for an answer
6. are strongly motivated
7. are focused
8. learn how to get things done
9. take responsibility for their actions
10. make decisions
11. are self-reliant
12. look for solutions
13. cooperate with other people
14. are enthusiastic

What did each of you score?
Which success traits do you lack? Which success traits does your pregnant daughter lack? What actions can you and she take to improve these areas?
Which success traits do you possess? Which does she possess? Start by acknowledging your strong points and promising yourself to improve them. Experience shows that you'll make more progress by improving your strengths than by correcting your weaknesses.

1. have a dream. What are your daughter's dreams for her child? For her own education? For her career? For her personal life?

2. follow a plan. Sit down and write out a plan of how your pregnant daughter will reach for her dreams. Exactly how will she finish her education? Exactly what training does she need for a career that can support her? Exactly what does she need to do to improve her personal life? Be as specific as possible. Add dates where possible.

3. have specific knowledge. What does your pregnant daughter need to learn about in order to follow her dreams? What does she need to learn about in order to make a solid decision about parenting/adoption, and her relationships? Where can she get this knowledge?

4. are willing to work hard. How much time and effort is your daughter honestly willing to put into being successful as a parent/spouse/employee?

5. don't take no for an answer. Does your daughter get discouraged easily? How could she improve her self-confidence and resolve so that she can tackle the many challenges she will face in life?

6. are strongly motivated. What does your daughter feel are the things that motivate her? Money? Friends? Fun? A dream? Are these motivations enough to help her face obstacles?

7. are focused. What are the focuses of your daughter's life? Does she feel she needs to change her focus to other things? If so, what?

8. learn how to get things done. Does your daughter follow-through on tasks and complete them? Does she need to learn how to break down tasks so that they aren't so overwhelming?

9. take responsibility for their actions. Does your daughter take responsibility for her actions that contributed to her pregnancy and lifestyle?

10. make decisions. Has your daughter learned decision-making skills such as making pro/con lists so that she can evaluate a decision and then stick to it?

11. are self-reliant. Does your pregnant daughter expect everyone else to cater to her whims?

12. look for solutions. Does your daughter seek solutions to her problems, or simply whine about them and hope that someone else will take action?

13. cooperate with other people. Does your daughter allow other people to help her, and does she help other people in turn?

14. are enthusiastic. What topics is your daughter enthusiastic about? Is she enthusiastic about being a single parent? Or about getting married? Or should she look at adoption so that a family that is enthusiastic about being parents can pour their energy into her child?

Fetuses found to have memories

An article in the Washington Times, titled "Fetuses found to have memories", summarizes research about the memory capacity that babies have before birth.

Research shows that "the human fetus displays short-term memory from at least 30 weeks gestation - or about two months before they are born." And that "34-week-old fetuses are able to store information and retrieve it four weeks later".

Exercise during pregnancy

Watch CBS Videos Online

The above 3.5 minute video from CBS news reminds pregnant women that they should aim for 30 minutes of exercise every day. The related article says that research shows that "exercising during pregnancy can help women lose baby weight quicker and have shorter, less painful labors."

Have your pregnant daughter talk to her doctor about what exercise program would be best for her. Then exercise with her!

Monitoring your kids online

A news article titled "Houston teen's Myspace page reveals sex with adult, pregnancy fears" tells the story of a mother of a 14-year-old girl. The mother "often checks her daughter's page to check for risky behavior or contact with strangers, and it's even more amazing to her that such information was found on the main page for anyone to see. The mom always figured she'd find trouble in the "sent messages" or "inbox" where messages are sent privately between two Myspace users."

Monitoring your teen's online activities is a very good idea. Let your teens know that you will be checking their blog or other accounts. Discuss rules about online behavior with them (what kinds of information they post, what kinds of pictures, etc.) and rules about meeting online contacts in real life. We posted about "Sex and Technology" previously, giving tips and statistics. MySpace offers parents a few safety tips here.

The mother called the teen home from a friends house and sat down to talk with her. "The two had never even discussed the girl becoming sexually active, and the mom says she was convinced her daughter hadn't reached that point yet."

Talk with your kids early and often about your values about alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sex. In a previous post called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor", we said: "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!

The news article continues, "The girl started to cry as she detailed for her mom that she was given alcohol while visiting a friend in Chambers County, east of Houston. She met a man from across the street and ended up crossing the street to talk with him, and the girl said the two ended up having sex." The mother then took her daughter to the police in order to file charges against the man but was shocked that the officer did not appear concerned and kept asking if the girl had agreed to the sexual activity. The article points out that, "In Texas, state law does not recognize that a child can give consent for sex with an adult. Statutory rape charges, felony charges of Sexual Assault of a Child, can be filed against an adult regardless of whether the child was coaxed or tricked into agreeing to sex." The article closes by saying that the mother hasn't been able to get the police to file charges.

If your underage daughter has been exploited by an adult, definitely pursue legal charges against the man. In addition, get your daughter medical attention and also counseling to help her process the situation.

Baby's bone health

A Reuter's health article titled "Maternal diet affects infant's long-term bone health" is a good reminder that your pregnant daughter needs your help to plan her diet.

Help your pregnant daughter eat more fruits and vegetables, yogurt, whole wheat bread and breakfast cereals. Help her avoid chips and roast potatoes, sugar, white bread, processed meat, tinned vegetables and soft drinks.

Strategies for parenting teens

The National Fatherhood Initiative offers a few tips to help parents survive the teen years.

1) Remember that raising your kids is a journey, and that the teen years will end. Focus on growing your teens into responsible, mature adults. What skills does your pregnant teen daughter need to learn in order to face the challenges of being a mother? What guidance does she need in order to consider making an adoption plan for her child?

2) "Recognize individuality. Take time to get to know your teen and his quirks, interests, and moods and feelings. Recognize the individual she is and praise her unique qualities. The teen years are full of stress and insecurity, and your child needs your affirmation." Look for ways to praise your pregnant daughter when she makes good choices and demonstrates good behaviors now, even though her previous choices and behaviors were not so great. Find a way to encourage her character, not just her actions.

3) "Seek To Understand. Look at the magazines your teen is reading, the shows she is watching, and meet his friends. Taking note of your teen's world will help you understand what he/she is going through." The more involved you are with your teen, the better your relationship will be and the more likely that your teens will talk to you about problems before they become a huge mess.

4) Listen. Ask your kids about their hopes, dreams and interests. Help your pregnant daughter brainstorm on how she can reach her dreams. Would an adoption plan help her to refocus on her interests and finish her education?

5) "Love. Always look for the potential in your kids and let them know that you love them." You do not have to approve of all your daughter's actions in order to tell her that you love her. Let her know that she has potential for the future and help her examine choices that will lead her toward that potential.

Abortion impacts future parenting

The Elliot Institute News (vol 8, no 8) ran an article titled "Abortion has greater impact on parenting than other forms of pregnancy loss, new review finds." This article summarizes the findings of a study (performed by Priscilla Coleman of Bowling Green University) published in "Current Women's Health Reviews". This research study "focused on psychological reactions to these various types of loss and discussed how they might affect a mother's relationship with children born after the pregnancy loss."

"It is now known that women usually begin feeling maternal attachment in the early stages of pregnancy." Ask your pregnant daughter if she has begun feeling attachment to her child in her womb.

The paper notes that despite the increased responsibilities and stress involved in raising children, "numerous studies have documented positive psychological characteristics associated with motherhood including increases in life satisfaction, self-esteem, empathy, restraint, flexibility and resourcefulness in coping, and assertiveness." Losing a child before or at birth, for any reason, however, "can be a profound source of suffering."

Examining your own motherhood, have you found that being a mother has increased your life satisfaction? Your self-esteem? Your empathy? Your restraint? Your flexibility and resourcefulness in coping? Your assertiveness? Have you lost a child before or at birth for any reason, including abortion? Did you find this loss to be a source of suffering? If you did suffer the loss of a child, would you prefer that your pregnant daughter receive the possible positive psychological benefits of motherhood or the possible suffering of child loss?

"While all forms of pregnancy loss can cause emotional distress that can impact future parenting, the available research indicates that emotional responses after induced abortion are more likely to go unresolved and to persist for a longer time period."

Why would that be true?

While "society understands that women who miscarry or relinquish a child through adoption may experience sadness and grief; however, grief after socially sanctioned because abortion is not acknowledged by our culture as a human death experience," and help to deal with the experience is usually not offered. ... Finding help and support after abortion is further hampered by the belief that, unlike other forms of pregnancy loss, abortion is optional and therefore women experience less distress afterwards.

Having an abortion is "sometimes quite inconsistent with the woman's true desires" (one survey found that 64 percent of American women who had abortions reported feeling pressured to abort), and many women, especially those who feel conflicted or didn't want the abortion, do feel emotional distress afterwards.

Ask your daughter to be honest with you... does she really want to abort her child? Is she feeling conflicted? Is she feeling pressured to abort?

"The best evidence regarding negative effects of abortion indicates that 20-30 percent will experience serious psychological problems," Coleman wrote. "With 1.3 million U.S. abortions performed annually, a minimum of 130,000 new cases of abortion-related mental health problems appear each year."

And while abortion advocates frequently argue that abortion is better than carrying
an unplanned pregnancy to term, the evidence suggests otherwise.

Studies of women with unplanned pregnancies found that women who aborted had higher risks of depression, substance abuse and anxiety, and teens who aborted an unintended pregnancy were more likely to experience negative mental health outcomes than their peers who carried to term. Further, a recent New Zealand study led by a pro-choice researcher found no evidence that abortion provided any mental health benefits to women even in cases of unplanned pregnancy.

Many times, a pregnant woman will say that she is choosing abortion because she wants to be a parent later in life instead of now. The research study describes "a number of ways that a previous abortion can effect a woman's relationship" with the children she gives birth to later at some point after the abortion.

1) Increased depression and anxiety. Abortion has been linked to higher rates of maternal depression and anxiety before and after birth, which may effect the woman's relationship with her children. In addition, depression is a common predictor for child abuse.

2) Sleep disorders and disturbances. Women who have had an abortion are more likely to experience sleep disorders compared to women who carry to term, and one survey found that many women attributed the sleep disorders to a past abortion. These sleep disturbances "could render the high energy demands of parenting more complicated."

3) Substance abuse. Studies have found that women who had an abortion were more likely to engage in substance abuse, and also more likely to smoke or use drugs or alcohol while pregnant. Mothers who abuse drugs or alcohol are more likely to "engage in authoritarian and punitive parenting practices," and parental substance abuse increases the risk that the children will suffer abuse or neglect.

4) Child abuse. Abortion has been associated with lower emotional support for one's children and with a higher risk of child abuse and neglect.

Abortion has also been linked to higher rates of suicide and to a wide range of mental health disorders. Coleman was also the lead author of a study published in The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, which found that the children of women who had abortions have less supportive home environments and more
behavioral problems than children of women without a history of abortion. [2]

While the review noted that not every woman may experience psychological problems after abortion that will carry over into their personal relationships, "some women will have carryover effects into the parenting realm." The paper pointed to a need for better screening and awareness of possible psychological problems after miscarriage, adoption and abortion, and for more research to examine the effects of abortion.

Citations

1. PK Coleman, "The Psychological Pain of Perinatal Loss and Subsequent Parenting Risks: Could Induced Abortion Be More Problematic Than Other Forms of Loss," Current Women's Health Issues 5: 88-99, 2009.
2. PK Coleman, DC Reardon, JR Cougle, “Substance use among pregnant women in the context of previous reproductive loss and desire for current pregnancy,” British Journal of Health Psychology 10: 255-268, 2005.

If you or your pregnant daughter are considering aborting her child, take the time to research the possible physical, emotional and spiritual risks that are associated with this action... not only risks to her own well-being but risks to her future children as well.

Pregnancy and diabetes

USA Today had an article "Expectant mothers with diabetes face risky challenge" (by Mary Brophy Marcus) that talks about the challenges of pregnancy and diabetes.

"Almost five out of every 1,000 women ages 18 to 44 have diabetes, according to the CDC. Most have Type 2 diabetes, which is linked to obesity."

If your pregnant daughter had diabetes before she became pregnant, you will hear her doctors use the term "pre-gestational diabetes". If she develops diabetes during pregnancy, you will hear the term "gestational diabetes." Most pregnant women are tested for gestational diabetes around the 28th week of pregnancy. About 4% of pregnant women will develop diabetes during pregnancy.

Diabetes during pregnancy "raises the risk of miscarriage, delivery complications, maternal health problems and birth defects" so make sure that your pregnant daughter gets medical attention as soon as possible during her pregnancy.

Your pregnant daughter may be referred to an endocrinologist, who will run a simple blood test called A1C. This test gives an average blood glucose reading over the last 2-3 months. "In June (2009), Diabetes Care published a study by University of Southern Denmark researchers who found that the risk of serious outcomes increased gradually when A1C levels were above 6.9%. Adverse outcomes doubled when A1C's reached 10.3%, and readings 10.4% or greater quadrupled risks."

So what can your pregnant daughter do? Keep her weight under control. Keep her blood sugar under control. Eat a careful healthy diet as directed by her doctor. Exercise as directed by her doctor. Carefully take any medications prescribed by her doctors.

Teen Sex: The Parent Factor

An article called "Teen Sex: The Parent Factor" by Christine Kim has some interesting statistics to discuss with your teens. The article has lots of references, so be sure to take a look at it!

• "About 7% of high school students report having had sex before the age of 13." Ask your teen how old they were when they first had sex.
• "By 9th grade, 1/3 of high school students have engaged in sexual activity"
• "By 12th grade, 2/3" of high school students have engaged in sexual activity. Note to your teen that even at the end of high school, NOT everyone has had sex!
• 60% of these teens who have had sex regret their first experience and wish they had waited longer. Ask your teens if they regret their sexual experiences. Do they wish they had waited longer? When would they have considered the ideal time to first have sex? How can they make plans to now abstain from sex until they are married?
• "Those who begin sexual activity at age 13 are twice as likely" get a sexually transmitted disease compared to those who remain sexually abstinent during their teen years. Has your teen been checked for sexually transmitted diseases? Do they know that some STDs may not have symptoms?
• "Nearly 40% of girls who begin sexual activity at ages 13 or 14 will give birth outside marriage, compared to 9% of those who remain abstinent until their early twenties."
• "Among women in their thirties, those who were sexually active during early adolescence are half as likely to be in stable marriages as those who waited until their early twenties to have sex." Is marriage important to your teens? If so, talk to them about waiting to have sex until they are married so that their marriage will have a better chance at success.
• 90% of parents believe they have had a "helpful conversation about delaying sex and avoiding pregnancy" with their teens. But only 71% of teens report having this conversation. Find ways to have small conversations about sex and values often instead of one big talk. Watch for opportunities based on the news, TV shows, music, and other events like prom.
• "In a study of 700 teens in Philadelphia, 58% of teens reported being sexually active, while only 1/3 of their mothers believed they were." Have you directly asked your teens if they are sexually active? What activities do you include in this... for example, many young teens mistakenly believe that oral sex is not sexual activity. So be specific in your questions and conversations!
• "Parental factors that appear to offer strong protection against the onset of early sexual activity include an intact family structure; parents' disapproval of adolescent sex; teens' sense of belonging to and satisfaction with their families; parental monitoring; and, to a lesser extent, parent-child communication about teen sex and its consequences." If your family is not intact (you are a single parent), then you'll have to take extra steps to influence your teens. Have you specifically told your kids that you do not approve of sex outside of marriage? Do you monitor your kids (where they are, what they are doing there, who they are with)? How can you improve your kids' satisfaction with the family?

The article gives a few tips on what parents can do: First, avoid sending ambiguous and mixed messages about teen sex. For example, if you don't approve of teen sex then do not say things such as "Don't have sex, but if you do you should use birth control". This is an ambiguous message. Be specific and direct in your statements, and express your values. Focus your sex talks on morals and values - simply discussing physiology and contraceptives is not enough. Strengthen your relationship with your kids by eating meals together more often, and being present when they listen to music or watch TV so that you can discuss it with them. Know where your kids are when out of school, and have rules about their behavior along with appropriate consequences.